Im having trouble understanding why people who know that I am going through a hard time arent concerned about me. Im only 21 and I live alone. Ive told people that I am lonely as **** and that I was even having suicidal thoughts last fall and no one gives a ****. No one bothers to call or even send an email asking, "how are ya feeling?" Ive opened up to people and told them about feeling paranoid and hallucinating and they never mention it again. I feel like I am just a burden to everyone so much so thatd theyd rather just pretend i dont exist. So what is the point of opening up to anyone if theyre just going to dismiss what you say? Why should I try to make friends just to feel the pain of their lack of support later?
I am sorry you are having this problem. I think our symptoms can often easily scare people off. One thing I like about this site is that we find other people who understand and are not scared off.
How are you feeling today?
I'm really sorry you're not getting any support from friends. I agree with tools, our symptoms, I think, are overwhelming to other people and they scare them. Non-BPDs usually don't know what to do or say because they can't relate. I suppose I felt somewhat the same way when I was your age although I stayed drunk and high so I couldn't think or feel. So now at my age I can't say I really trust anybody. I've been so hurt and screwed over by people I have thought were really my friends. I've been hurt by family. I finally got tired of being/feeling hurt so I just don't tell any of them much (or any sometimes) of my stuff! I don't trust them to not treat me badly or to simply ignore me which is hurt I don't have to feel if I don't put myself out there. I have more mental illnesses than just BPD and it seems that most people who don't have them don't understand or are afraid of those illnesses as well. People are just afraid of anything they aren't or don't have. Anything that's different from them. I think that's why racism exists. I hope you aren't as cynical or non-trusting as I am some day because believe me even though I think I'm protecting myself it feels rather bad too. This is a good place to reach out and share your thoughts and feelings because we can relate and understand you!
I hope you start feeling better soon. I know only too well how hard it is to live with! I will pray for you :) Hang in there girl!
@ tools- I cried yesterday when i read your message, how stupid and cliche is that? Today I made a new friend :) thank you so much for asking
Dear Sweet Bombshell,
I hear ya. When I was 18 years old my mom and dad left me to another country. I was left to fend for myself alone, afraid and broke. I felt like I didn't matter and I wasn't worth stickin' around for. I am now 53. I was married for 20 years and now I am divorced because of a unfaithful spouse. Once again, I felt like I wasn't worth anything. But in the many years between my parents leaving and my husband leaving, I have learned something. I learned that the only person who won't leave me is me and Christ Jesus. Everyday, I count on my conversations with Jesus to remind me that no matter what, I have Him and I have me. I have many, many friends. I make a point of meeting people and accepting them into my life even though it is only for a season. It might not be forever but I will enjoy them as long as I have them. I will be your friend on this site if you will have me.
You are a beautiful girl with lots to look forward to. I learned to wipe my tears and step into the moment I am at. Live for the love that we give each other even if it doesn't last forever. Eventually, we will feel the love that does last forever, Christ's. Blessings and breath in hope. You will feel better.
Ms. G
I was saved when I was 15, yet these problems still exist for me, thank you anyways
If we could be online buddies, I would like that. I know what it feels like to feel rejected, abandoned and left alone. There are a lot of selfish people in this world who say they love you when they are just loving themselves. Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me and you might feel the same.