Is it wrong when I am telling my 5 year old daughter that she is no longer allowed to do something and she replies by saying "Well, Daddy's in charge of you!" Seems like even she knows I have no power these days. Sad. I guess that's what I get for not recognising emotional abuse for the past 13 years of my marriage.
Hello there! I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think that you can change your daughter's view and outlook of your marriage by explaining that mommy and daddy are partners and equal, we are both in charge. And, in regard to your marriage, is there any hope for improvement? Is couples counseling an option?
Hi!! Kids are really amazing arn't they?? I raise my 6yr old granddaughter who once asked me why I still talk to pappap when he makes me cry so much...she reminded me of the time I talked to her about not talking or playing with kids that were mean and hurt her feelings.....wow did my words come back around and bite me on the butt!!! It's so very very true that children learn what they live.
Best of luck to you.....HUGS
Kids can be very honest in what they say. Thanks for the comments. No, counseling is not an option. We have been married 13 years and I have mentioned counseling before but he refuses to go and makes me feel even worse if I say I want to go alone. Besides past poor experiances with counseling don't really make me push the issue.
Faithless and fearfull, if counseling is not an option with him, do you think that setting aside one-on-one time to start slowly but surely working through your issues together is a possibility? I think that communication is key and it's really important for him to know how he is effecting you.
I agree, but every time we get one on one time to talk it ends up with him railroading me. I doubt myself so much. he is able to name everything bad that I have done for years but when I say that he speaks down to me or talks bad about me he asks for specifics and when I am unable to verbalize them word for word he corrects me and says that it did not happen the way I'm saying it did. I feel as though every argument or discussion is already lost to me because I have lost faith in my memories of events. Did he really say something to hurt me? All I know is that I felt hurt at the moment he said it. Was what he kept from me really as bad as I say iot was? not according to how he remembers it. I have doubted myself for so long that I wonder if I'm just crazy. He does things like buys something that costs hundreds of dollars (that we don't have) on something that he KNOWS that I don't approve of and then just says "I don't know why you bother getting so upset. you know how it works. I get what I want and you always just get over it" I feel like I set myself up to lose when we talk. There are never any witnesses to anything. It is always my word against his and no one would believe me. I'm not even sure I believe myself anymore.
If you want to stay in this marriage and you really want to make it work for the long-term, the key is to keep talking. Sometimes it's hard to bring up the past, because the person will immediately go on the defensive, which is understandable. So, the key is to call the person out in the moment. It's important to pick and choose your battles, so that it doesn't come across as nagging, but that it's effective and starts to really take effect. For example, if he says or does something today, wait until the evening when you are alone with him and explain that when he said/did the particular thing, it was hurtful and you wish that he had dealt with it in another way. Explain how he could have better dealt with it. If you can explain things to him calmly, then he will be more receptive. If he feels that you are coming down on him, then he'll feel attacked and won't hear anything.
Do you think that this can work for you?