Out of Time Money Hope

My whole adult life ever since High School I have been fighting with depression and suicide. I can honestly say that I have never been happy. My base or core cause for my depression has been due to loneliness. Here are the bullet points.

- Shyness I have a had time talking to women.
- I'm 40 lbs over weight and the kicker is that when I get really down I eat to much.
- Even when I wasn't heavy, I have always felt ugly.
- In the past except for work I rarely go out except now I do to the gym.
- I totally freak out in crowds.
- I have no friends.
- When i have asked a women out it's always been No or "Duck Off".

Yes that right I haven't even kissed a girl. The level of loneliness that I get hit with from time to time is so heavy. Now on top of all that, I'm in debt for about 20k and I have been unemployed for a year and I'm almost out of time.

If it wasn't for what I knew what my death would due to my folks I would have so done it long ago. For about a week now the erg has been really strong. Really why not who is it going to hurt? Who will know?

I'm so tired of hanging on by my nails thinking that tomorrow will be better. No matter how hard I try to change, nothing never good comes from it.

Hi Sandman,so things are not so good,, Not a good reason to give up.. I f you can talk to your mum you,ll find a other woman to talk to and maybe the ones you have talked to so far are just not for you .. As for 40 lbs over well you can do something about that your going for long walks jogging and evan if your doing on you own you may well meet some one , You know that when you get down your going to over eat well stop think about that one eating is not the answer do something other than eat ... Crowds freak you out well thats something your going to have to work on or stay away from crowds which will not be easy .. your money seek advice ask for help talk ... Lets see you cant talk to woman you get down you eat put on wieght you think you should take your own life .. I bet if you change the way you think about yourself and realy work on not disliking yourself or thinking your ugly in time things will fall into place ...Dont give up am sure there will be lots of people that would miss you if you were not there.... Life is worth work at it may not be easy , but any problem can be solved if you change the way you see it ..Good luck keep in touch

Hey Sandman,
I am sori you're feeling so overwhelmed by your issues right now. Just think about it, breathe and write out each "issue" you have...and go through it...that way you can also run through the sloving of this issue.

The money can seem terrible, but talk to your bank or an advisor and something can be worked out, to ease off some this stress.

As for the 40lbs, a healthy balanced diet and that would drop off easily, without you even noticing. Really. You find it tough in crowds? Would you consider going on anti-depressants, many of these relieve the anxieties caused by crowds, my mam used to suffer a lot from this, but now since starting her anti-deps she is doing amazingly well.

I am sure you are not ugly. You just feel ugly and that's what you need to work on...I'm sure you'd love to have a girlfriend, what women really like in a man is a guy who is just nice and quietly confident in himself...and it will take time to get there but it will be worth it.
And believe me us women are not hard to talk to...we are all basically the same when it comes right down to it.

How come you've been out of work for so long...depression or just can't find a suitable role? It could do you good to get back out there, even part time, just to feel like a person again, in on a voluntary basis. Or take a course on something you would be among people and may make a few friends on the way.

You are not alone in feeling like this, but all these little steps you can take to improve your siutation are great. So tomorrow, make a list...google things you can do locally, make an appointment with a financial advisor to sort the money issues out...and your doctor to maybe get some help with your fear of crowds. Keep working away at the gym and maybe when you get past this fear of crowds you'll be able to join a class and meet more people.

Look up courses and have a look at possible jobs.

You are not alone, don't think you are. but you deserve a good life, with someone to love and when you get all these little parts together, they will come because your light will shine.

Much love to you
Keep us posted we are here for you
Moongal x

Hi Sandman3838, I am really sorry for what you are going through, though please know and believe that there is a bright future out there for you. And, holding on for the sake of your parents is an amazing thing, because it would absolutely be beyond devastation for them. Stop living in the past and even in the now. Look ahead to a beautiful future that you can create for yourself. What are your dreams? What are your goals? Take baby steps to start achieving them day by day. Forget all of those women who reject you, because there is that one right amazing woman out there for you. Have faith, have hope, and know that the higher power has a greater plan for you. Yes, times are tough now, but you can pull yourself out of this and get to a beautiful place. I am praying for you and sending you tons of good positive energy. Please keep sharing with us, we are here to support you in any way that we can.

I would really recommend checking out an Overeaters Anonymous group. They are...

"not just about weight loss, gain or maintenance; or obesity or diets. They address physical, emotional and spiritual well-being."

(copied that from the website)

It is similiar to AA, NA, Ga, and many people feel like these groups save their lives.

You can gain face-to-face support there, too. and...You will find other people there with the same feelings.

Hey, Sandman, I am wondering how you have been doing.
I hope you have been feeling better since your last post, and I hope the support helps.
BTW, I am also unemployed, overweight, and in debt. But strangely I am happier than I have been in a long time...I decided to go back to school, AND i decided to make relationships a priority in my life. It took awhile, but I now have about 5 friends, good friends! People that have my phone number and call me! Wow!
Things can get better for you, too!

Hey I'm still here.

Sorry for not writing back, but I have been trying to keep busy. I did some yard work this week and I did some alterations with my Linux system. Oh, ya I went to the gym daily. Also, I have been studying up for a certification exam. Right now though, I'm having a hard time getting motivated.

My biggest issue is when I go to bed and when I first wake up in morning. I have such a feeling of Oh what the hell.... Over the years I would have bad moments a couple of times a month now for these last 5 years or so it's almost daily. Who will know, care, it won't really matter. All I just have to pull the trigger.

Hi Sandman , good to see you well with the work keep it going if you can and keep up with the gym and the feeling positive...... As for the morning issue when you wake up tomorrow say bill cares and if I pulled the trigger he would miss me .. Go for it you have a right to be here make the best of each day ..Good luck

Hi Sandman3838, thank you so much for the update. It is so fantastic that you are keeping yourself busy with such positive and productive things. And, taking a certification exam is amazing, because that will advance your career. Keep focusing on all of the positives in your life and keep your mind off of anything negative. Each and every day is a challenge for me, if I start to focus on anything negative, then it can be a slippery slope, thus I don't allow my mind to go there. When you are going to sleep and when you are waking up, site at least three things that you wish for and three things that you are grateful for, as this will immediately turn your energy around to that of positive. Also, remember your parents unconditional love for you, because they care immensely what happens to you. They only want the very best for you and want to see you have a happy and fulfilling life, which is exactly what you are working towards.

Again, I am really so happy for you and all of the positives in your life. Please try to focus on that and your incredibly bright future ahead.

Wishing you all of the very best and sending you tons of positive energy.

Hi Sandman,
No preaching here. Just want to tell you that even though I do not know you, I care!!!!! I am 45 years old, female and have suffered from depression since I was in high school. You sound like you are reaching out for help and this is a critical time in your life. I can tell you that there is someone out there who was made just for you. You just have not found that person yet. Try to hang in there and if you have to live each day one day at a time, even 1 minute at a time if you have to. Whatever it takes to make it through another day. Suicide is not an option!!!! My cousin died that way and there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss her and ask myself, what could I have done? After her death, I spent 24 /7 on the friends and family of suicide website. You were put on this earth for a reason. I have yet to find mine but I am still working on it. My cousin died four years ago and the pain that she left behind for everyone that had been in her life will never be gone. It is not like cancer where you can say I helped all I could, with suicide it is a constant what could I have done. So take that option off your list and concentrate on the things that are causing the depression and get help. Please don't do anything to harm yourself, I beg you. People do care and it will hurt them forever. You don't want to put that responsibility on everyone else. Please, you have reached out here and that is a great thing, now reach out to someone who is close to you who can help you get past this time in your life. I love you and I care if that makes any difference to you. Watch a funny movie and try to take your mind off all your problems and then deal with them. Find groups for your anxiety. You are computer literate because you found this site. You may consider bankruptcy for your debt. Do volunteer work until you find a job. Helping others makes you feel good about yourself and it can turn in to a permanent job and you make friends with a common goal. Give it a try please before you give up. You can contact me at any time and I will get back with you as soon as I can. Hugs and kisses.

Winterblues, your amazingly warm, loving, caring and supportive words really truly touched my heart. Thank you so much for your comment, as I believe that it can help each one of us in one way or another. Each and every day is a challenge, and I love your suggestion of taking things one minute at a time if necessary. You are so right in that...sometimes life can seem quite overwhelming on the whole, but when you break it down to a smaller scale, then it's much more manageable.

I am also so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what pain that inflicted on your family. I lost a very close friend in the same way and it devastated my entire group of friends, as well as his family. We continually ask ourselves what we could have done.

Thank you again for your wonderfully supportive words here. Wishing you all of the very best!

Hey thanks for the support and suggestions.... all of you!

I'm still here, just taking it one day at a time. I did come close about three weeks ago. But something happened.... my little sisters husband was killed in an auto accident. She has three boys all ranging between 10 - 18. I couldn't do it.... not now! We are trying to help her out as much as possible. So far she is doing pretty good.

Between my depression, loneliness, finances, bank calling, job and family issues, I would really just like to find a hole somewhere and hide right now, even though I know I can't. Also, I haven't checked my Email in a while and it would seen that I have a high school reunion next month with a bunch of people I don't know. I got down as I was reading the Emails that were going back and forth about how well some of there lives were going.

Have to go.... I'll try and check in more.

Hi Sandman3838, I am so terribly sorry for your family's loss. I am praying for you and your family and I know that with each day you will all heal more and more.

I know how overwhelming life can be, though I have learned to stop and take it one step and one day at a time. If I fixate on the big picture, then it's all too much to handle. So, try to take several deep breaths, take a big step back and try to take it one baby step at a time. We are human and can only handle so much, give yourself the opportunity to tackle each facet of your life one step at a time. Set daily goals that are realistic and go through them one by one each day. Also, remember to do positive things for yourself everyday, something that's enjoyable for you.

By being there for your family now, you are doing so much good, as it's such a selfless act. Your family needs you and that it such a huge purpose. We all need daily purpose in our lives, and that is an incredibly important one that you are fulfilling now. Stay strong, keep looking ahead to an incredibly beautiful future.

Hey Sandman,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a tragedy when someone dies young and there is not much you can say or do. But time will heal. i pray your sister has some peace in her heart. She may not feel is now but it will come, and I know that her kids will keep her strong.

Hope you are doing ok. How is everything going with you. i am so sorry to hear that you feel you missed an opportunity, I hope seeing that happen in a way opened your eyes to how precious life is. And as little as you may value yourself right now. You are better in this life trying then not being here.

We are all standing by you and understand how it feels. Just take everything in small steps, break it down into smaller things for you. Once you achieve, you'll be amazed at how all the other things just flow. You just need to get that flow going.

Are you going to therapy? I really does help.
And there are ones available from free clinins if you are short on money, like I am.

It is brilliant, like a weight has come off, and like I am getting down to the business of what is going on in me, to make me feel like this.
I hope you do too.

Love to you
MG x

Hi Sandman Sorry to hear about your loss hope your siter and the kids can put together there lifes .. This is a time to be strong if not for yourself then for your sister and the kids they will need you to be there.. You have been doing so well now is not the time to give in now is a time when the Tough get going as for the reunion are you so sure that there all doing so well or is it that there jusy making it sound so good .. We al have a part to play in life this maybe your part dont miss it Keep going big buddy life is full of surprise ... All the best

We have all felt a couple things on that list, if not we know others that have, Sweetie you have your wole life for women, work out for the weight,take up a couple classes like ballroom dance or acting public speech,to becomeless shy. No need to hurt yourself. Make a new list of what you will do to help yourself today.