I finally have some days, though really more like mere moments, that don’t feel like I’m drowning in quick sand with an audience that simply applauds. But I don’t trust it to last. When the days are dark now I’m actually more scared. Scared that it will last. Scared that it always is there. The financial burden it’s done also is horrible. Constantly questioning if being completely buried is actually worth the price of slim possibilities. To see everything in shambles throws me back into the dark. The thought of relief and peace comes with death. Before I was too tired to actually figure it all out. The fact that I live in that constant cycle. Now the constant thoughts are not as prevalent but the desire is stronger. I’m able to think it out more clearly. I am so tired of being messed up. To simply embrace it in my book is submitting to the dark where I’m not sure I would have any reason to find a way out. Hell I still I have no idea why I keep trying now. Life is too hard. Life is unfair. I poison those around me. Ruining lives that should never had these influences. I’m afraid it’s going to catch up with me, which is ironic since I don’t really know why I’m still here. Im so tired and so done. I just want to disappear. I don’t know how to be part of the world as others know it. I don’t have the energy to even pretend.

1 Heart

Remember that you are the master of your reality. Sometimes your mind will play tricks on you. Don’t live in the future but appreciate, NOW. At this moment you are okay, don’t think of mental movies when you’re not okay. Don’t Create future scenarios that have yet to occur. Life situations will happen, but when they do take it as a learning lesson and appreciate that as well. You have to be okay with being uncomfortable to fully achieve peace. Lastly you are loved, although you feel discomfort right now remember that these moments will end. You will look back and ask yourself, “what was I so stressed about”. Rejection is protection. Enjoy the NOW and appreciate every moment.

If only being stressed were the grounding of my problems. My life is far more complicated and dysfunctional than that. I’ve been fighting from the deep end of the ocean for almost 2 years. Living in the now is part of my problem. Living in the now is where I get destroyed.

**I empathize with your situation, as I have experienced similar challenges. The world can indeed be arduous for us as individuals, and I often find myself contemplating my place in the grand scheme of things. I view myself as an integral part of nature, contributing value to the world just like any other element. My faith in God serves as a guiding force, providing solace and direction during difficult times. His teachings have a normalizing effect on my life, offering a framework to navigate through periods of darkness. Despite ongoing struggles, I pray for divine assistance and strength to overcome the pain and suffering I endure. If you are seeking support, I recommend exploring the teachings of Joyce Meyer as a starting point.

I get it, I have been in the same position before. The only that I could do is tell you what works for me and maybe this can be something that possibly works for you. What I would do is accept the feelings as is. Know also that what you’re feeling is for a reason but also that it will come to an end. You’re so strong and if you have low energy thats okay too when that happens stretch or take a hot shower (Self care helps) Trying to stop the mind from overthinking is key. Listen to words of affirmation, accept that this time period will pass and you will look back and ask yourself, “What was I so fearful of”. Remember also that life situations will always occur but it’s your perception to them that makes a difference.
Trust me you are LOVED❤️