i am a 28 year old female in a relationhip with a 42 year old male. 14 years is a big deal but has never been with us. when we started out we were 16 all over again. laughing playing and having loads of sex. we have been together for over 7 years now with 2 kids 5 and 6. things have been rocky for a long time. for the past 5 years my bf has had sex with numerous women bringing me home herpies. he has yet to admit his cheating with other woman though i have caught him over and over. he has been subscribed to sex/dating sites claiming he is researching ways to make me happy. im not happy because of the cheating not because im not satisfied. anyway ive been with him all these years putting up with it and im tired of being last. i really dont know if he is sick or just dumb. what i do know i that i have been here being the mother i am and the best gf i can be giving the situations he has put me in. i cant figure him out anymore. i really just dont know what i should do. i want to leave but he is a good dad and the kids love him but i cant keep putting my life on hold for him.
Hi Jen, thank you so much for being here and for sharing with us. I think that you need to start focusing on your happiness, and just because you walk away from him doesn't mean that will change how good of a father he is to your children. He can continue being a huge part of your children's lives, though it's about getting you to a happy place. If you know for certain that you are done and you've both done everything that you can to make the relationship work, then it's time to move on. Also, children know when you are not happy, and they only want to see you happy. Please know that we are here for you and here to help in any way that we can.
Very well said. I agree 100% - Hope
i think focusing on ur happiness is a far greater goal stress is terible
Hi I am new to the group, I am a Love/sex addict. I am plenty old to understand the difference between love and lust, but I keep falling into the same problems. If a man looks at me- with a flirtatious smile or wink, I melt and am usually instantly attracted. I am way to quick to jump into bed with someone because I like to please and be pleased. Thing is I usually end up with deeper feelings, feelings of Love, The feelings aren't usually returned. They just see me as a fling.
Hi Hopefull40, I think that many of us fall into the lust/love cycle quickly. I most definitely have. My last relationship was lots of lust and then love followed [for me]. The lust portion happened very quickly for both of us, so I never really knew how he felt about me because I believe that the lust over-rode anything and everything else. A close male friend of mine told me that the only way to really know a man's true intentions is with time; if you really take the time to get to know one another and "lust" is not on the table, then you'll see his intentions if he's still around. That's why I plan to take things super slowly and plan to build a friendship first. I'm such a romantic at heart that I automatically always want things to go at light-speed, but I've learned the hard way from past experience, so I am willing to take it slowly now.
Thanks, that makes sense, but I don't know how to slow down, I think i must be impulsive. I act way faster than I think.
Hopefull40, I think that so many of us get caught up in the feelings of lust, it really does overwhelm and take over you at times. And once it does, it's hard to see clearly. Like with anything, it's important to form a habit of slowing things down. Now, I don't put myself into environments or situations where there's any temptation. I will keep to daytime coffee/tea dates, and make sure there's no alcohol involved, because that's usually when judgement gets impaired. The more you practice this, the easier it will become. Soon it will be second nature to you.
I was married to a sex addict. As with any addiction, they lie! If you suspect u have the addiction, or are a codependent, RUN AND GET HELP. I would love to help!!!
i would love to have help from someone! nobody has answerd any of my posts, and i need help now! cuz knowing me here in about 30 mins im gonna be leaving work and going to go cheat on my bf (again) all bcuz i cant control my sex drive!! and nobody cares that its ruining my life! my brain is completly controled by my vagina,