Pizza Challenges and Other Surprises

It's Monday morning, and I am not going to work today. Ahhhh... ♥ I am luxuriating in pjs, having slept in until 7:30. :) I have a doctor's appointment later this afternoon, so I took the whole day off, and I'm soooo glad I did! :)

Friday found me at work until 9:00... I didn't intend to stay so late, but the joy of walking out of there without work to take home this weekend was DEFinitely worth it! :) My goal for the weekend was to be OPEN to possibilities. Be available. I don't know if it was that decision that made the weekend so great, or what, but it was a very busy, totally wonderful weekend! :)

On Saturday I went to my Step class early in the morning. I was very tired, but I headed to EDA afterwards. After the meeting, a friend approached and asked if I'd like to go to the Nutcracker Market with a small group. Wow! Despite my plans to go home and take a NAP (lol!), I decided to go! ♥ We ate lunch together and had four fun hours of shopping! On my way back to the car, I received a text from another friend that wanted to meet for dinner. I had just enough time to do so before my work meeting that evening. :) Even the work meeting was great! I had a heart to heart with a friend I've known there for a long time... We talked to each other about our own battles with depression. She shared that she is in AA. I told her about ACA and EDA. Everyone has their own "stuff"... I drove home that night feeling accepted, understood, and CONNECTED with others. ♥

Sunday morning found me at work at my part-time job. I usually only work there for about 4 hours a week, but they're getting ready for a big event on Thanksgiving morning. I'll miss it this year, but I've been busy helping them prepare here and there... Yesterday I stayed and worked with them until 6:00! It was a FULL day! I felt that was okay because I knew I had today off for my doctor's appointment, and all of my own work (for my regular job) was done. I worked all day long at stuffing packets, building boxes, cutting signage, filling plexi, filing bibs and stickered race packets. WHAT a day! I spent it with two of the people I've been wanting to be friends with, but I've been too closed off... One of the two knows a LOT about my situation, as I've e-mailed her quite a lot of it... We had a chance to get to know each other a bit better while we worked. I always feel that they are genuine people, and I enjoy being around them. :)

The biggest challenge of the weekend came at lunch... I didn't bring food with me because I wasn't expecting to stay so late... PIZZA was ordered... :0/ This happens at work quite often, and it freaks me out every time... But pizza, and my own cooking, are the last two items on my to-do list with my nutritionist. I decided, having had MANY conversations about it in therapy already, that I would have some... YIKES! This wasn't the beautiful, healthy almost-pizza Mediteranian Flatbread I braved the night before! This was the pizza of my nightmares! Pappa John's. REAL pizza, grease and all... My stomach was growling loudly and embarrassingly... I took a slice of mushroom pizza. Tried to be casual. Ate one piece. You know what? It wasn't that good! LOL!!! I actually didn't even enjoy it!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!! But, having met that challenge... I feel it will be easier to meet similar challenges in the future.

I didn't eat much during the day yesterday... Fortunately I ate well before I went to work, and after I returned. That one slice of pizza took me through the day... :0/ I was also, admittedly, feeling quite large next to my athletic friends. At the end of the day they gave me a "Race Crew" t-shirt as a thank you. It is WICKED COOL! ♥ I asked for a bigger size than I need, because I knew I'd feel more comfortable wearing something looser... Yes, those body image issues are still in play... I'm doing my BEST to ignore them... The shirt size requested was called into question, as I'm clearly smaller than that... But the person I'd confided in remained silent and gave me the shirt I'd asked for. ;0)

Part of me was angry yesterday... Does that sound strange?? I kept thinking that yes, I'm small... But they are SMALLER... And they're healthy! And allowed to be the size they are! Why can't I be that size??? I was once! I had to remind myself that it took anorexia to get me there... I do NOT want to go back... I felt some familiar feeling tugging at me in that direction, but I turned my back on it. ♥

I had a great weekend all in all! ♥ Full of surprises, connections with others, and challenges I was able to meet instead of run from... Now... Time to face the HOLIDAYS! LOL! :)

Love you all!

Jen

Wow Jen, what a weekend! I'm so very proud of you for braving the pizza, what a hugggge step <3

Jen I'm so so pleased for you that you had such a cracking time. and not only that, you even kicked ED in the butt AND made new friends.
that's the spirit girl!
xx

Wow, that's awesome! Pizza is a super-huge fear food for me; it has all sorts of emotional connections in addition to the normal nutritional fears. It will take me a long, long, LONG time to be ready for "real" pizza, so I totally admire your bravery! Keep up the good work!

Vero

Jen - SO awesome! Good for you for braving the weekend! :)

:)!!! Great job! I love pizza. If you ever make it at home, use pesto instead of sauce, olives, mushrooms, and feta cheesse. Greek pizza, it's my fav!

Oh man Kristin, does that ever sound yummy!

Awesome job Jenn! You are taking some great steps forward. Keep up the good work! Nicole

Jen you should be proud! You had a LOT of challenges this weekend and you made it through...
Remember, in the famous words of the RCC "a calorie is a calorie is a calorie....." It does not matter exactly WHAT you are eating, it is just the fact that you are eating. That really comforts me, and it allows me to enjoy foods that I wouldn't let myself had because they were "bad"
You are amazing and so strong! And I definitely look up to you : )
You nailed that Pizza!!!!
<3 CC

Here's to "nailing pizza"!! LOL! ♥ ♥ ♥

Thank you for the BEAUTIFUL support, dear friends. :)

It's been a wonderful, restful day... I am ready to brave work again tomorrow. ;0)

Love!

Jen

JEN!! So many challenging things, but indications of growth in your weekend! I hope you can feel proud of yourself for all that you have done and are doing!
I would challenge your perception that 'they are all smaller than me'....I don't believe that, but....just sayin' ♥
I'm so happy for you that you are speaking your truth without apology ♥, and taking care of yourself. Here's to a day in your PJs!!

Love you friend!! Jan ♥

sky-writer...
i always look forward to your posts. when you share, you are lighting my way. please keep writing. you are a rock star, baby!
namaste
xo

Thank you, dear friends. ♥

I'm not a rock star, Amy... Simply a girl that is tired of waiting for life to begin... ♥

Jan, they are both truly smaller than me... Sad, but true... Perhaps one is not that far off, but the other is Asian AND a runner... She's TINY... (sigh...) GOT to stop comparing... I'm a different shape... English/German roots, with some reallllly heavy relatives. :P I'm small. I'm the right size for me. That OUGHT to be enough... :0/

Love you both! ♥

Jen

hey jen, how funny! i’m german living in england :slight_smile: what you get from that? SUPERPOWERSTRENGTH!! go and use it :slight_smile:

xxx

Jen...yes, comparisons are not helpful. Every BODY is different. Yes, you are the right size for YOU..that's the key!!
I love what you wrote "simply a girl that is tired of waiting for life to begin"....awesome!! ♥

Jan,

Thank you! ♥ It's true... I KNOW it... I just have to keep reminding myself! ;0)

Maedi,

FUNNY!! ♥ Such connections! Super-strength, eh?? Okay! :)

Love y'all!

Jen

hmmm i always compare myself to smaller thinner girls wishing why cant i be small? why do i have to be a 'medium' size??? ugh.... i often wonder why my body type is different from most cuacasian women as their body type is more slendar than my more curvy body type---- but i have to remimd myself----wait---im not even all caucasion---im half arabic! and middle eastern women have a more curvier body type.

ive always wanted the thin body type--but i have to realize that a lot of skinny girls want curves ! funny how no one is happy... every one wants what they dont have..... the grass is not always greener on the other side...

love
maureen