I think I finally found a wayvto relax. I have to concentrate but I got keyboard on weekend. Just a basic one to get me started. Haven't played since kid but my mum gave me some sheet music n one song was moonlight sonata. I never played it myself my I started playing and it was like I had memories but really one of my most peaceful memories from being a child was late a night listening to my mum play the piano. I figured that must be when having trouble sleeping I found those relaxing audios so peaceful where someone plays piano with sounds of nature. I don't have sounds of nature but I have peaceful music I can create. Those memories there was no yelling no sitting up or laying in bed frozen from a slamming door or something smashing. Scared the trouble would find me in my room. Those times listening to beautiful music no words to distract from its sound. Me whose had nightmare everynight for past week after things seemed to of gotten better balling eyes out at least four times this week twice because of n in front of boss. I found something I can do that helps me find a little of that peace that I found in the battle zone of life. That safe place. Inside where no one can invade. The place that protected me so many times. Comforted me shielded me from what could not deal wit at the time. I have found myself ready to leave job or more at times this week. But right here in front of my keyboard, something that was just for my benefit. It felt selfish to treat myself, but no one expected of me or demands of me here, no deadlines n one yelling. Just the music on that page waiting to be made in to sound..
Silent wonderer, I am so thrilled to hear that you have found such a place of peace and solace that is all yours, where no one can interfere and add stress. It's such a beautiful and wonderful thing to have. It's so important in our day-to-day lives to find that place of peace, regardless of what it may be, it's what works for you as an individual. In reading through your post, I felt such a sense of peace and serenity...I am so happy for you.
silent wonder, how fabulously, artisticly beautiful. my way out was by dance. all the pent up insanity that i did'nt understand how to speak.....i danced. what do you say, you play, i dance?
I have to say I do many things. Sometimes I dance n get weird looks or nice comments from time to time if someone walks in. I also at times sing but it's more about expression along with writing poetry etc sometimes it feels like I'm cut right down the middle sometimes focus more on one than than another or could forget about others. The world changes shades from time to time. I know sounds crazy but it's almost like the light comes on or goes out a little even when the light globe remains the same n conversations I had i don't remember. Or I can see the person talking but it's like they're too far away to hear or I'll be talking n have no idea on eat I'm saying like I'm inside watching thevworld but the auto pilot is on n so is the mute. I know sounds like I'm crazy right. I guess the dissociation was way to cope with trauma. It's like the sense got shut down or I disconnected. I thinkeven now I shut of during things n all the triggers it's like they trigger someone else memory but only they are glimpses then they disappear into the darkness but I don't know what they know. Ok I need to stop that all just makes me sound crazy
Hi silent wonderer, you don't sound crazy at all let me affirm you. Coping with trauma is never an easy job but you are working on it. Take you time. I'm glad to hear that at least you found a peaceful place for yourself. Music is always a comforter and it soothes one's heart. Keep relaxing keep going.
i second yenh post........i also affirm from my places of trauma. keep up the great work hun, and keep sharing with us. your sharing helps others of us to continue on our road of recovery.
dearest silent, i though you might be interested in reading the post by charlie under incest survivors link "recovery methods that have worked for you" discussion, some helpful info perhaps in regards to some of your recent posts.