please don't judge me.. I have recently discovered that I kind of like being depressed.. it makes me feel something.. I have been so numb to all feelings and I was desperate to feel something...anything. Am I crazy? Is it all in my head? Someone please tell me what's happening. I'm scared..
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Do you know what caused this depression?
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@Nickoloz well, i get bullied. My dad isnt abusive, but he doesnt like me. My best friend moved away, and i just found out she attempted suicide again, and i cant live without her. and i just… i feel homesick for a place that doesnt even exist. my best guy friend and i got in a fight, threatened to kill me, and told everyone in my school im a slt. my other guy friend told me he hopes i kill myself, that im just a piece of trash, and that no one would miss me, then laughed when he found out i cut over that. everyone in my school thinks im a whre. im just lost,my whole world seems to be ending.
sorry that was really long
First of all, I really do not think any of those guys deserve to be called 'your friend' again, never. As for your dad, why do you think he doesnt like you? Your best friend moving away - I can relate to that, I also lost close friend because she fell in love and now spends all time with her future hubby or with other friends, I dont even know, and dont really wanna know. I put a wall between us because I am not able to deal with losing her. So I do not have an advice, but I understand how you feel. And I also share your homesickness feeling - you are surely not the only one who kind of likes being depressed. I feel I'm only happy/alive when I'm sad.
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@theendofit thank you for replying.I’m glad im not the only one. and as for my dad, i have two sisters, one older,one younger.he spends all his time with them and none with me. the only time he ever really speaks to me is to tell me i did something wrong. he constantly grounds me for stupid reasons, and my sisters have never been grounded in their lives.
Baby talk to me about this kind of stuff! I'm so sorry :( I'm always here to listen :)))
if you could create yourself into anyone you wanted to be, living in any house you wanted to live in, having any job you wanted to have or not have..how do you envision yourself in a "happy" situation?
about all i know is that it seems to work like a chemical addiction
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You're definitely not "Crazy"... I felt numb for almost 8 years... and then something broke and all I could feel was pain and sadness and anger... extreme anger. I found out it's a disorder. But you're not alone in these feelings at all. I know exactly what you're going through... When you feel numb you just don't know what to do anymore. You don't know how to act, how to relate, how to help, how to reach out or how to ask for help. I know, I've been there. At least with depression, you know how to ask for help and everything else. I hope things start looking up for you, I really do. And those guys definitely are not your "friends" You should find new friends, friends who will love you and not say those cruel things to/about you. I know how cruel kids can be, please do not listen to what that one so-called "friend" said... Just get through these years, and move away. That's what I did. I got out of High school and I never spoke to or saw anyone from my high school again. And I don't think I ever will. Chin up, you'll be ok.
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No, it is a relief to feel something instead of nothing, sometimes. At others, you want to be numb. We just want the opposite of whatever we're going through in an extreme way. I don't know why your father is mistreating you, but I hope you can realize that it's not your fault. He has something going on, and it has nothing to do with you. Don't make it about you and then don't make it about him...don't feed his "permission" to treat you that way. Be above it. It's always hard to be that objective, but in the end...it saves your soul.
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@Lil_Dipper I love this post. It’s so true!
I love the people on this site!
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By the way, Maggie, I want you to remember that you are a good person! You are also NOT a victim!!! You are a beautiful creation of God, and you've been chosen for wisdom. Your sisters, who are being spoiled, will develop false, surface conceptions about life. You, however, will become a beautiful life form, from seedling...you are already that, but some flowers wither and die. Others flourish and become tall, mighty oaks...incredibly breathtaking and awesome in their presence!
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