Please help, i need comfort

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
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1

HI,

ok, im not sure where this post would go since it is so general. ugh, oh well, ill try. i picked the groups i thought this would be related to but it isnt related to any particular group persay.

so, for those of u who know me on here, i have fibromyalgia, interstital cystitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, creptis, IBS and migranes. we are also checking me for kidney function to make sur e it is ok.
i am suffering hideosuly on a day to day basis, even thinking on suicide, and wanting to die. recently i got a lil more postitive. i got some help with my bladder issues but the treatment of the people was very nasty to me. i felt ashamed. they will treat me but it will take a long time. so it is awful to wait.

my life is sooo full of despair , ans torture. and now things got worse, i have swollen lymph nodes under my arm. they are painful . i saw my doc last week and he gave me antiobiotics. i thought it would go away with that. it didnt. . i am still in pain and swollen. and now i have to go back to the doctor to see what he can do. i am so scared it is cancer. i have cancer in my family . i dont get why this medicine didnt work. im in so much pain. im scared my doc will hate me cuz i have to much going on.

im such a loser.

im a loser for having a sickly body. people put me down for it and they judge me. when i walk with my cane, people snear at me and look down on me, and give dirty looks. i am so embarrassed . i wanted to iive before, but maybe it was meant for me to die. maybe that is my fate.

i cant imagine having cancer and fibro andc and crepitits, and bladder problems and kidney issues and iBS and migrianes, and everything else i go through that is hell on a daily basis. i cant walk or move well or think or i get dizzy , hair is falling out, my life is a mess.

i was starting to get happy and positive in the last 2 days. and then that goes away. each and every time. tragedy always strikes with me , it never stops. so what is the use of living?

i just wrote this great book and now , ill probably be dead before i can get it published. i have no luck in my life. for someone who is so nice , i have the worst karma ever. my life was meant to be hell.

i was born into it.

i am so embarrrassed to see my doc again, he was kinda looking at me funny the last time i came in. i cant help what is going on. my body is a body from hell, it is horrible, im stuck in a crappy body that doenst work, nothing i can do for that.

please, if someone could comfort me and ease my worries on this swollen lymph nodes, well among other things, id appreciate it. i dont have many friends. and they are busy to talk to now.

thanks
maureen

2

i really hope someone can reach out to me, however small......

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ok im deathly ill, i have night sweat and dizzy, heart racing sweating cold and chills , ummm lymph nodes swollen, im going to die, i want to go to ER but my fiancee is abusing me again. i hate him. he is screaming at me.

i was hoping someone would respond to this . but i guess im typing for no reason and ill die and no one will ever no. thanks alot. ill be dead soon so whatever

im invisible ,

i thougth this was a support group.

maureen

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Hi there,

I can't speak for everyone in SG, but I think the main reason why they haven't responded is because they don't know what to say. Initially, I didn't exactly know how to respond because my current life experience is incomparable to yours.

That being said, I'll try to go over a few points with you.

Your doctor doesn't hate you. Doctors are there to help you with whatever medical problems you're facing. Have you been to visit the doctor yet?

You aren't a loser. I know how cruel people can be, especially if you're "different." There are always, always going to be people who are going to judge you - even if you're the most popular person in the whole world, there is always going to be someone who judges you. Of course you're going to care about how people act towards you and how they think about you, but the thing is, you can't let it affect you.

I read in there that you wrote a book. Did you ever hear about JK Rowling and her Harry Potter series? She got turned down by a lot of publishers before someone agreed to publish her book. I think she tried 12 times (not too sure about that figure) and now, her books are worth millions. What I'm trying to say is... you have to try and persevere. Even when you're at your lowest and most trying times, you just can't give up.

Do you have someone you can reach out to? Like a counselor maybe? They can be a great help. As for the use of living.. well, it's different for everyone. But in general, there's a lot of things in life - beautiful things - waiting for you, waiting to be explored.

Try not to let other people's judgments affect you.

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Maureen...

I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier. I just didn't know what to say. I have to admit, I'm a little intimidated by the fact that you've said you hate healthy people and that they have no idea what suffering is. I know that I can't imagine what you're going through and can't possibly fully relate, but it I'm at a loss as to how to help you when I think that you hate me and think I'm worthless because of that--and that I've never had any kind of real pain in my life. I've been following your posts faithfully, and it hurts more than I can say to hear what you're going through.

All I can offer is that you are loved. Very loved. Everyone on this site appreciates you; your support has been invaluable to me during my rougher spots. I've always loved hearing from you, and I always appreciated your responses to my posts during my darkest times. I love you. I care about you. I called my mother crying at the thought of you killing yourself.

Please remember, too, that responses to posts sometimes take time. I've been impressed by the number of responses your posts usually get and how quickly they roll in. I've had a number of posts that have gotten few responses, if any at all. I know it sucks to feel invisible, but you've been gifted with more support on this site than most of the people here--and it's because we all care about you. We don't begrudge you that support; we're happy to pour out as much as we can muster. I hope you can see that.

Again, I love you, and I hope something that I've said will help just a little. Please let me know if there's anything at all that I can do for you, and message me any time.

Love always,

Vero

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thanks guys, sorry im being needy, just dont know what do do. ughhhhh..... i really dont. i am sort of at a loss. i know most people wont respond to my posts because there is so much to them, but there enlies my problem. most people dont help because there is too much. which is why i hope my life ends because there is too much going on. whenever i get happy, and positive ,something worse happens so what is the point of being positive. there is none. i have gotten great support here, i always have, but i feel now i am just lost. i guess that is why i am clinging on to anything for suppport. i dont know where to turn, and waiting for my doc on monday is sooo hard to do. i keep sweating all day and night, fighting whatever else is going on with me. i mean it is too much, so if i had to die i guess id be ok with it. i mean , i was just getting positive recently. and now it is gone. everything is. i dont understand why life is great to others and not to me. and no i dont really hate helathy people , but i wouldnt be human if i wasnt totally jealous of them. i am. nothing i can do abou tthat. i want what they have-health and happiness,

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maureen......

u know that u can call me whenever u want. i love talking on the phone more then the computer.

i know ur in alot of pain and i cant make the pain go away but i can talk to you. u love i love you girl and observly your finance does not care about you. i learned that my ex boyfriends did not care when i told him about my assault. so u learn about who your true friends are when things are happening for the worse

please call me anytime maureen

love you girl

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thanks so much lizzy.... i get so afraid to bother people or u, that is why i get scared to call. but i will and thanks so much for that . u have been so wonderful to me and i value u so much. i dont think u see how great u are.

thanks, ill call

love ya
maureen

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Maureen,
I too have felt hesitant to write because you seem to be so repetitive with your posts, and you don't seem to be trying to DO anything, except to complain about what is wrong. I apologize if that sounds harsh. I know you are in pain, and that in itself makes it very difficult to think 'outside the box', so to speak.
Your comments are intimidating at times, because you seem to judge others if they do not understand, or if YOU think that others don't suffer either.
I am truly sorry that on top of your pain, your fiance is abusing you, or at least not supporting you. If you are in danger, GET OUT!! There are always options! If you must, call 911, tell them you are being hurt, and a social worker will be sent to help you find another place to live. No matter what is going on, you are not helpless. You have options.
I'm glad that you are seeing your doctor on Monday. TELL HIM all that is going on, and don't leave without some answers or options.
I am keeping you in my prayers. Jan

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how am i not doing anything about the problems???? i am doing everythign in my power to do everything i can physically do to help myself. yes ur comment was unfair cuz when i deal with one problem, another arises, that is why i am posting. i am doing my physical best to get all these problems solved, so it baffles me that im not doing anything to get them solved. i am going to doctor on top of doctor to get them solved. how is that not doing anything? if i want trying to get help or go to docs then i could understand. but i do all the time i help myself, and stand up for myself all the time.

as far as my living situation i cannot leave till i get physically on my feet. i would lose my doctors then andi cannot have that now.

im sorry i just wont be posting anymore, and im not trying to be rude, but if my problems are too much for SG , then i really must be screwed up . and i am not being mean to healthy people, i mean geez that isnt even true. im nice to everyone, i might have angry times but that just isnt true.

so, i wont be posting anymore. and if i die, ill miss u all, but i have too many problems, i guess, for people to even just slightly say something nice.

excuse me

goodbye

maureen

11

Maureen...

PLEASE KEEP POSTING! I can't bear to think of not knowing what's going on with you!

Love,

Vero

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thanks vero,

i just dont want to end up sounding whiny or as some people have put it, repeating myself. but u know what, i have seen TONS AND TONS of people repeating what they said the day before on SG . i see that all the time. it is part of venting. u vent till seomthing passes or gets worse. i am not the only one who does that. i have seen others post much much more whiny or repetative things on here than me.

so i dont know. ill post from time to time or better yet ill message those who know me better and who can help.

love ya
maureen

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Maureen,
I hear you. I am worried about you. What are you asking for when you post? Affirmation? I get that. I cannot say that I 'feel your pain', but I do worry about all that you have going on.
When you write that you just want to die, and that no one understands; and then you get posts from people who ARE supporting you and affirming that you are in a terrible space, what else do you want? I truly want to know what you think any of us can offer you beyond that?
Maybe each day you could come up with a positive statement about what you want for your life, and why you DO want to live. Is that even accurate?
I don't know your pain, but I am very sorry that it's so hard right now.
Please let me and everyone else know what we can do, because it seems like each day is the same. I feel helpless to know how to support you.
Thinking of you....Jan ♥