Please help

I am a 23 year old single mother of a 3 year old girl. When I say single mother I mean her father is not any where in the picture at all. He has no legal rights to her. Anyways, lately I have been feeling like a failure as a mother because my daughter does not listen. All she ever does is throw fits and if I ignore her when she throws her fits she will pick stuff up and throw it at me and scream at me. I'm trying so hard not to spank her but I don't know what to do! I've tried putting her in her room and she just kicks the doors or refuses to stay in the room... I need help. I have no help from anyone with raising her and I apparently don't do a good job. She hasn't always been like this though... It has been developing the past 3-4 months. Please if anyone has any advise please help me.

First off your not a failure. Raising a baby is hard even with help doing one your own can feel very overwhelming. I have always gone with timeouts. I know this can be hard but try using a chair or one spot on the floor. her room might be too big an area for timeouts. If she gets up just put her back. I try to tell my son he is a good boy but he made a bad choice. Also allowing her to kick and scream for a little while is not bad as long as she is safe and not going to hurt herself.
Did something change that may be causing this change in behavior. Start preschool, new babysitter. Change of any kind can have weird effects on young kids. They become very attached to their routine and can lash out if it changes. A good routine give give a sense of security and control over their lives and when this changes they can feel and act out of control. It could just be a faze. She could just be testing her limits.
The best advice I can give is pick a form of disapline and stick with it. If she knows she can get away with thing she will keep pushing. Disapline is just as hard on you if not harder in the begining but its worth it if you can get past all the kicking and screaming I have read that kids actually like discipline and thrive when they know their limits. I'm sure no kid would admit that but the logic is that is make them feel safe and build self-confidence.
Remember no mom or kid is perfect and we all have our ups and downs. Motherhood is the toughest job out there. Hang in there.

Welcome to Support Groups, I like what Holding it Together said & want to add, be consistant w/time outs for her age (3mins w/a timer, $2.00 from wal-mart or use a microwave oven timer, put her in an area you can see her, not her room all alone) keep following through & she'll start to understand that mommy means business & it may take a few exhausting hours or days. I raised 2 boys now 18 & 26 by myself & shes testing you along w/the above mentioned in regards to preschool, 1 of mine was raised in preschool & did not do well if they changed teachers or schedules or whatever else was happening while I was at work cause their babies & dont understand.

Try to keep in mind if you lose it & spank her YOU will only feel guilty later for releasing you pent up angry on a baby & pay a very big price emotionally & so will she for it will teach her to just HIT instead of calm, consistent time out & then when finished tell her why she was in time out & ask for an apology & give her a hug & keep repeating it when necessary.

Your doing the hardest job in the world & bring up the next generation to take everyone to the next level. It'll gonna be OK honey give yourself a HUG.

Take care of you.

April

I have three boys 8, 5, and 4 and I can tell you first hand that the terrible two's doesn't end when they turn three lol seriously. It is there job to push our buttons especially when they are in the process of learning who they are. Trust me you are not a horrible mother if you were you would be the one to give her everything she wants just so you wouldn't have to hear her scream. You know that she needs boundaries and you are trying to give them to her. that is so important. I have my days when I could seriously rip my hair out and it feels like their fighting won't end (my boys argue and fight over everything) We get through it though. My advice to you is to just love her don't reward her for bad behavior and let her know that when she acts like that she's not going to get the attention she seeks let her know that when she acts like a big girl you will talk to her and listen. You are doing a great job Don't forget that. Being a Parent is the hardest job in the whole world.

Nip it now, when they become teenagers UGH!

Dear friend, children start to manifest their personality very early in life, and they try to find out who is the boss in the family, maybe they can be in charge of the situation. Here, when you come in with your authority, which is your voice or your decision should be consistent. NO means NO, if TV is off for 30 minutes it will be off for that period. They all are wonderful and precious children and they are exploring what they can do to get their own way. This behavior is normal. It will take few NOs and some conversations to come to a peaceful understanding. God bless you always.

Motherhood is the most difficult job in the world, we learn as we go along. You are doing very well. We are always there for them, and that is very important. God bless you.