Please help

I am married male - 36 living in LA. For the past couple of months, I have realized that I am a sex addict. I have a perfect family, still I can't stop having sex with other girls. In the office I have couple of friends with benefits. Almost everyday I have sex with my secretary. I even had sex with my best friend's wife & my kid's baby sitter. I think I am ruining my relationship with my wife & kids. Please help...

My significant other of several years just came clean to me about having the same problem. Of course, I caught him first, but regardless, he has admitted he has a problem and wants to over come it. I can't within myself find the ways to overcome what he has done to me, but I understand what he is going through, and the pain he, too, is enduring. I have been attempting to help him get help, so am familiar with your situation, to an extent.

It is clear you are in pain and need help, so the first thing you need to do is find a counselor or therapist who deals with these types of addictions. You already recognize you have a problem so you are already on the road to recovery. If you have absolutely no idea where to find such help, go to a church, seek out a pastor. He can give you both a contact for the much needed professional help, as well as words of encouragement to get past the demons in your head that are causing the desires.

If you are a religious person, or are open to the idea of it, open up a bible, read some verses. It can't cure your problem, but when you find strength in something greater then yourself, you can eventually find the strength within yourself to overcome. My friend has told me that it makes him feel good to read it - even though he hasn't attended church since he was a child. I found this podcast today, it might help too, just to give you the encouragement to want to stop, even when your urges are telling you to do something you know you shouldn't.

Finally, and this will be the hardest part, you need to come clean with your wife. By your admitting the problem, truly asking for help, your relationship could heal along with your addiction. She is going to be upset, and she might leave you - but she has a higher chance of doing so if she finds out before you tell her. Honesty and trust are what your love and relationship should stand for. I am having a hard time walking away from my friend of only 3 1/2 years, all because he is repenting and seems to want to get help, but if he would have come to me before I found out about the problem, I have no doubt in my mind I would be staying with him, trying to overcome the problem along side him the whole way, however difficult it may be for me. There is no way of knowing how your wife will react, but you can't truly heal and become better until you come clean with the person you love and are hurting with your addiction.

And consider deleting these female contacts from your phone, get a new phone number. Delete online accounts - start fresh. Get the help you need, and be honest with yourself and your spouse.

I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you can get the help you so greatly need.

Thank u so much for helping me!!!! I really appreciate it. You are very kind & a loving person. U really have a true heart and may god always bless u.


I just found this website today - I'm working through it myself because there's a section for partners - its free help and so far what I've read - pretty helpful. Check it out if you get a chance:

Good luck and God bless!

Sun, is wise to seek help & other coping/behavior modification skills for what your experiencing & yes in time will take down all surrounding this unfortunate situation. Be patient with yourself as it is a process if you truly want to help ease your pain & start creating a new person in yourself that you admire & others do too.

All my strengths.


I believe we are strongly created to worship God. If that is missing we really will try to find love, adoration, submission and even dislike and hate in the wrong places and toward the wrong things. Before I loose you :P there are also meds that temporarily kill your sex drive allowing you to focus on your brain paths instead of fighting physical urges at the same time. I am hoping the babysitter and secretary will also post as to why they are having sexual encounters with you. I think the answers would be interesting to understand the dynamics more.
So many things come from sexual fulfillment that can "compare" but not equal and forget surpass our closeness to our Creator. Is it possible to erase everyone around you and be left with yourself. This thought is unbearable. Now erase everyone and yourself and put only God. One God, a God you cannot see yet whom you see in all creation. A God who knows everything you have done and everywhere you have been... more than your BBFF. What have you given this God in return? A life with God so big and all of us so tiny, even more ourselves will let God shine, will let God lead.
With Islam I have found my duties in this world, with my spouse, my children and my Creator. I know I have to pray 5 times a day. I know I must give regular charity if permissible. I know charity starts with my family and with good words and a pleasant smile and attitude. I know which food is permissible to me and which to abstain from. I know which relationships are permissible and which are not. I even know who my friends are. God has really sent us a message, unchanged, unaltered. The original Arabic is preserved. There are translations of this original available.... A text which will explain and help you understand why killing ants with no purpose is not something to be proud of, why our mothers are so important and why it is so difficult to respect family. Why we feel pain and what to do to fill the loneliness and how this world was not meant to be paradise for the believers...