Wanted: Funny jokes to continue killing off dirty rotten NHL cells!
A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road. Frog is grateful, thanks the man, and tells him that he will grant him a wish.
Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.
Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish. The man says: "Well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area. Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.
Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog. The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog???"
Chevy Truck
*I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the
new Silverado 2011, 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a
test drive . I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become
extinct... *
*The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat
in the p***enger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful"
options.. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that
the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed
cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with
him, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck. *
*Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican
truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would
blow smoke up your *** year-round. *
*I had to walk back to the dealership... **** guy had no sense of
humor. *
Hope I didn't offend anybody. But this could go both ways.
Hi all, Haven'aat been on line for a while. Have really good news. PET scan as of May 9,2011 reads---NO SIGN OF ANY MALIGNANCY. Making those months of
CHOP very worth while. Now on the road to visit family in NY. Love and blessings to all, Jean H
Wow Jean, Have a great celebration and a wonderful time. This news put a smile on a lot of faces, and just killed off hundreds of those little NHL bastards! Thanks:)
Thank you Jean for sharing your wonderful news with us here.Hope you have many more cancer free years to go off and enjoy life.Be good to yourself.Take care.Always,MicheleDx95FNHL3
An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.
He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes.", he said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked on the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!"
"Hello, knees.", he continued. "How are you? You know you're 92 today.. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees."
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think. If you were alive today, you'd be 92..
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."
A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
(Think I might of posted this before, but always worth repeating, hehe!)
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."