Just something quick about me. I am not divorced, or been married, no kids but just got out of a two and half year relationship where in aftersight, feel like i might as well have been. Im a 35 years old guy and never been married.
I met my ex who is 5 years older, already divorced and has 3 kids, at work almost 3 years ago. In a nutshell - Shes been divorced for probably 5 years or so to a pretty deadbeat. Before me, she turned around and overcompensated for the boys and as they have been growing older they got accustomed to doing everything and anything they wanted and now, i think since i had come in the picture, i made her realize a great many things and shes attempting to make them responsible and to respect her and failing miserably. Then they gang up on her and I think it about drives her nuts. Then i come in and suggest what i see, and she works with it, which the kids dont like and all they do is fight. I have had to bite my lip so many times. And then there is me, who opened up enough to pretty much let her get under my skin (in a good way or so i thought) that she mattered so much to me and i didnt like her being direspected so it made me try harder to help her. Dont get me wrong, i voiced my opinion plenty in front of her kids, that they were wrong, which of course led to them not liking me. Which i understand, but besides the fact i didnt want them disrespecting her, we got along just fine. Well it got bad enough, that even when i would talk to her 1 on 1 and try to help work though the problems, she started turning it around on me and trying to make it my fault. I finally said I cant do this anymore. Me seeing myself get so upset because of my feelings for her and hating her being disrespected like that and then her turning around and wanting to argue and yell more than wanting to come up with a solution, well it makes me feel like a failure. I obviously have a problem with worrying too much about someone too much and not looking at my own happiness.
We tried couples therapy, and it ultimately came down to kid issues, and seriously, 98 percent of what i suggested when it came to the kids was agreed by the therapist, and she started not wanting to go. The kids need structure. She works 3 jobs to support those kids and pay for the house. I just get so upset when its not fair to her to work so hard and the kids wont help, listen or respect her. We have since come to a agreement we cant be doing this anymore.
It has been a week now, and i really believe its the hardest thing ive done in my life. I am not saying i am perfect by any means, i have my own problems, but in hindsight have pushed my own problems aside to be dealing with hers. I guess ultimately i feel like such a failure to someone i put my whole heart into. But i cant do this anymore. In the process, i pushed alot of family and friends away with her, but i still cant help thinking all the time about the good things and miss them. She was my best friend, even though just under 3 years doesnt sound very long....
Anyways, just looking for any thoughts here. I have since contacted a well being facility and have lined up someone to talk to just for me, but still, i wanted to try these things. Thanks for your time and i hope to hear from you.