Oh, it’s ironic how much this problem has hurt me. I’m going to give you all the full explanation about the progression of my relationship with my opposite gendered friend (I’m a male).
So, it started around the beginning of March this year. We first started talking again around that time, and eventually became close through our shared interests and both our willingness to open up about our problems and console each other.
Though around 1-2 months ago, something happened that truly highlighted the problems in our relationship. Personally, I acknowledge the fact that I do have a personal flaw regarding my tendency to be overly attached and caring towards other people, especially her in this context. She got sick with really no logical explanation and diagnosis towards her illness, and so I got worried, a lot. I kept asking her about how she was doing, the progress towards her health, and etc. Though, looking back at it now, I was overly pushing her boundaries. The start of this ongoing conflict in my opinion, was when she snapped and finally got mad at me for being overly obsessive with her health being, to the point I was doing some things that are pushing the limit of her boundary. I acknowledged her issue with my actions and I ended up letting go of my concern, as it probably is the best option to take.
Continuing then, a few days after we reached that decision on the aforementioned argument above, she called me around afternoon towards midnight, without any prior texts or anything. And if you tried guessing what the reason was, most likely you would be wrong. She called me after watching a web series that made her cry repeatedly on that day. Honestly, I was pissed off at that point. She was sick during that time, and yet she still chose to watch those type of content, and now she is crying endlessly. I gave her some of my comments regarding her needing to take care of herself first if she decides to indulge in those type of contents, but her reasoning was that she didn’t expect it to end like that. Though after that, she continues watching the web series the next day. She called me again, for the same reasoning as yesterday. I was really pissed off at that point, since what I said the day before just seemed pointless to her. But looking back at it again, it’s up to her on how she should take care of herself, especially when she’s the one being sick, not me.
The biggest problem I have personally with all of this, is that her behavior changed drastically from back then and now. The main thing I missed from that moment, was that we used to chat daily about our day and sometimes about our interests or just some casual gossiping. But ever since she got sick, all she talks about is herself. That being her complaining that she’s feeling very sick and other people not helping her at all. Sometimes I still try to bring up some of the more casual topics, but it always ends up just ending in her complaining about her unexplained illness. I really missed having those casual talks.
Everything ahead from that, just ended up in arguments throughout those 1-2 months. Throughout that time as well, I have asked her a few times if we could just talk about our problems. Though often, she is unable to. Her reasoning was that she was still sick around those times. I practically started losing hope the longer this argument kept going. Though apparently now that we’re talking about our problems, she said that she did want to talk with me, but she said that I seemed disinterested in talking with her. To elaborate some more on what I just said, I practically started distancing myself subconsciously from her around that time as well. I know I should’ve been more supportive, but I was just confused at that moment. And I think this argument could’ve ended a lot earlier, if she wasn’t so assumptive about everything I did. A lot of her reasoning at that point was that I seemed disinterested in even talking with her and that I hated her, which is an assumption. Because, I never said so to her at any point of this argument, even until now.
Now, we are reaching the point of acceptance, where the both of us are now trying to provide some time for each other to talk about our problems. Though honestly now, I just want this relationship to end. But another part of me still wants this to continue, because it still misses the time back when we were very close with each other. Though again, my goal from this ‘talk’ has changed from then and now. I wanted it to end quickly back then, so we could just return back to how we were. But now, I just want it to end so the both of us wouldn’t need to continue suffering due to this relationship.
I see that she still has some wishes of resolving this argument as well and returning back to where we were close. But, I think our goals now are not aligned. She still wants me to return to how I was back then, but I just want to finally be able to rest peacefully overtime after finishing this. Maybe with this relationship just turning to a mutual feeling of friendship, rather than an interest to be with each other. Though even so, I don’t think it would even last a long time. Because truly, I don’t see the same anymore as I was back then. Perhaps, I was love-blind back then.
I’m still giving the possibility of a friendship, no matter how much it does seem pointless. Because, things can change overtime. We might develop a new type of friendship after this argument. Though, I’m more leaning towards the idea of separation honestly. Because, I’m seriously tired from this. Because of that, I’m looking for some advice from others. Whether towards resolving this argument, or just how to let go of her. Because, maybe I should’ve said this earlier, but she is a colleague of mine. So I can’t really just avoid her fully.