** Possible Trigger warning ** Does anybody know how it fe

** Possible Trigger warning **
Does anybody know how it feels like to realize that if you die no one would care. I feel so lonely right now. Everyday feels more and more hopeless. I am sick of being told to fight and hang in there. Life is full of pain. I am scared of life. I think of the days to come and feel trapped. I wish I had the choice to end it all. Why don't I have that choice? It is my life yet at every turn people decide what I should do and what I should not . Why do people keep judging me ? Everybody thinks I am a terrible mother and a bad influence on my daughter , and for what reason ? I don't know. Everybody around me just thinks I am mentally sick and need to consult a doctor. Its so easy for everybody to judge me without knowing me. I am so frustrated and done with my life. I don't want to do this anymore. But obviously I have to because I have no choice. I don't have anything . I am so jealous of dead people , of happy people . I feel pathetic because I don't have anybody to blame for my emotions but myself. I have ruined every single relationship I had with friends and family . My coworkers hate me , my neighbors hate me , my parents hate me . Everybody hates me . Every day I wake up choosing life not for myself but for my daughter. But put a gun in my hand and give me the choice I would kill myself in one second. Everywhere I look my mind thinks of ways to use the stuff around me to hurt myself , to kill myself with. I want to cut myself again . I promised myself I wouldn't but I want to . I just feel myself slowly drifting back into those negative moods. All I want to do is cry and cut myself. It makes me feel happy . Just one cut nobody would notice. I have a blade near me and it just feels so tempting. I am tired of feeling so much emotional pain. I just want to die so that finally I can have some peace. I am sorry I just feel so terrible . Today has been my worst day. I am tired both mentally and physically.

Are you alright ?

@Ck80211 no I am not .

@Emily00 - Hi Emily and welcome. Something in your post jumps out at me. All the issues you speak of are about relationships and interactions with other people. All except from the self harm and suicidal thoughts. But it's not hard to believe that they could be the result of some very exhausting frustration about you vs. everyone else in your world. OK So you have ruined relationships... so people judge and demean you. Know what? They DO NOT matter. What matters is you and your daughter. The past is just that... past. The future is what is important. Do you think you can try to erase the other people, the ones who are being toxic to you - just erase them from your thoughts and try to reboot? What I mean is from this moment forward, put the emphasis on you two. Disregard all the negativity from others. It DOES NOT matter. Pretend it was all just a lousy chapter... and now you are turning the page. Look at your daughter's face. Look in her eyes. Better yet, take her by the hand and look in a mirror so you can see the both of you together. Take a selfie if you can. THIS IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT. The two of you. Nothing outside that picture means anything that can or should shape your world. Try this and you may just see enough peace in it to want to keep going in that direction.