Since coming into recovery, I have learned I am powerless over others. Many years ago I said the one thing I had control over was my children. Needless to say, many times since I have been proven wrong on that one. What is your experience with being powerless over others?
we have control over ourselves only. my well brought up children slowly changed behavior and attitudes when they were in their thirties.I had to seek counselling for a few months because I could not understand why people can make such drastic life choices. The answer was that every one has the right to make a choice for themselves, be it for better or worse lifestyles and/or behavior patterns. A very difficult lesson to learn.
Yeah, my nineteen year old totally changed this summer from the person she use to be. I have had to adapt to the changes in her. She was living with us again for the summer while she was on break from college. She recently moved out to go live with her cousin. I don't know what all is going on with her now. I just keep letting her know I love her and to call if she needs us.
hmm power over others is a bit like taking horses to water but u cant make them drink,
i allso have thirty something children who seem to be regressing in life but it does add to the fun of parenting i think, in some ways im sure what will be really important is in a hundred years how the young who are born with all this techno stuff will survive each decade and what will be important to them at the end of the day.
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
Bluidkiti,
Although I am only 31 and know I still have a lot of learning and growing ahead of me, my past year has taught me a lot. One thing is that you cannot control anyone else but yourself. No matter how hard you try, it just does not happen. People are going to be what they want to be, say what they want to say, and do what they want to do. This week was actually my realization on this subject. I can only have control over myself.
Good luck on finding clarity on this subject.
Smartgirl
Let go and Let God also let go with love comes to mind. Two things I have had to do. Concerning my kids, I have had many whom I have shared with tell me that I have done the job well being that my girls are going out on their on these days and taking care of themselves. This week that has been sinking in. Also I am beginning to see and think of my girls as the young women they are and I like what I see. It can be hard making this change but it can happen a day at a time.
i think my grandson said it best "GRAN u are a caretaker of souls and when im big i will look after your marbles"
NOT sure if i need my slippers and zimmer just yet but thats his sentiments at ten
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
Hey ladies
I just joined this group because i am soon to become a parent, and my greatest fear is being unable to control my kids. What is i have demons who defy me and have no sense of fear of authority. Eeeeek. I'm not really a very scary person and sometimes i am also forgetful, which i know will make me such a weak mother.
Anyways i enjoyed reading your conversation here, it's good to know i am not alone in feeling powerless.
Love
Maxine xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey maxine
congrats on the baby to be, dont worry aboutforgetfulness its part of the job to have endless lists of too do things,
and dont worry u will soon develope a backbone for the young one failing that enjoy the years being a parent brings your way,
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
That's a great lesson to learn. I often have difficulty in remembering that no one has control over anything really because the only thing we can truly control is the attitude we take towards things that happen or how people around us act. I'm a parent of very young kids 3 & 5 and already I can see that there is so much I can do to try to make them into the people I want them to grow up to be and they will inevitably end up doing what they choose to do. And that's how it should be. I grew up in a strict family setting where I wasn't allowed to even have friends over at the house. Despite it I always ended up doing what I wanted to, which was both good and bad for me. It's very hard to be a parent because I think society puts so much pressure and expectations on parents and how they should raise their kids. In the long run, all a parent needs to is to love their children, to try their best to show them the right things to do, and like bluidkiti said to let go an let God.
Hey Lucky, We help guide them the best we can then it is up to them. I pray and put them in God's hands. I tell them I love them and am here if they need me. I do also tell them I am proud of them. I have to say my 3 daughters are pretty good girls but they do have their moments as do I. :-)
lol kids they turn you old before your time, but hey what would life be without them.
lots of praise and guidelines are always good with a time daily to discuss what u liked about the things they did and what u dont and give them the space to tell u the same things (but dont take it to heart cos they are only little )
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)