Putting a question out for the group. I've been thinking about the concept of forgiveness. Aside from the religious concept of forgiveness which I don't want to debate, does the act of forgiveness, of saying the words really have the cathartic effect on the giver that some report? Does it truly help you move on? I was discussing this with my wife and she thinks that forgiveness comes with time and is not necessarily a moment in time, nor something that should necessarily be given or received explicitly. I think this is some of her baggage from her childhood however as her family tends to either compartmentalize and forget bad things or hold twenty year grudges. She said she could see how the concept could be important to some people. She asked me why. I told her that one day, I think I want to be able to forgive her for the affair and also that I wanted her forgiveness for letting her forget how much I loved her and the other bad things I contributed to the breakdown in our marriage, that while cheating was not my fault I certainly contributed to her state mind and dissatisfaction. We did not get to finish the conversation due to the arrival of our three year old. So, to the group what is your experience with forgiveness both giving and receiving?
I agree with your wife. It's not one moment but the result of many. It just seems to happen one day.
my point of view is and from where I am coming from; I was abused by my ex but my own mother also had a part in it all too. this all happened back in 2008 it will be seven years this coming December that I have been free. because of how bad I was abused, beat, and tortured I will never forgive my mother for what she did to me but also for what she did to my children during that time period. to this day it has been over three years and I have not seen or spoken to her at all. she betrayed me ; her own flesh and blood ; her own daughter so far as I am concern there is no forgiveness her my part to her she don't need it. she can rot in hell for as am concern.
If she cheated YOU have nothing to be sorry for, My ex cheated on me, she also cheated on her kids, She decided to stray vs talk out or just end the marriage, too many people just have that fast food mentality, want more without the wait or work, she choose to turn my kids against me to save face, now they think I'm the bad one, it's been 4 years since I have seen them, we have mutual friends, they say she is having really bog problems with herself and them, she plays that everything is great, but everything is imploding, I'm told by everybody to just wait for the kids, I worry that I can help them, but I'm told they have to find out for themselves, cheating is a thing that she did, not you, don't try to save her, always remember who did what, don't try to change what she did, change how you deal with it.