Putting Your Child Up For Adoption

I work with a lot of people who have given up their child for adoption for a number of reasons.

However, please know that there is hope of seeing your child again in the future. One way is through an open adoption. For those parents who did not enter into an open adoption you still can hold on to hope of being reunited in the future.

Regardless if the adoption was open or not, the biggest reason why birth parents lose contact with the adoptive family is because phone numbers, addresses, e-mail addresses and other forms of contact information get lost or change.

Therefore, I highly suggest that anyone who goes through the process of adoption to always make copies of everything. Also, you must take notes on the things you hear and possibly see. If you do not you could find out 18 years later that you are unsure if you remembering a name correctly or not.

Then, store those copies in a bank vault, with family members, etc... Do what you can to store those documents in multiple locations. Also, it is imperative to set up some sort of ritual to verify this information over the years to come. You want to ensure that the contact data that you have remains valid.

Another important thing is to become involved in the various reunion registries. I highly suggest that everyone contacts and files with their State’s reunion registry. This will give you and your child the option of finding each other in the future. This also applies to siblings too.

No one can ever know for sure when a party to an adoption will look for their biological parent, sibling, foster parent, etc … but you can hold out hope that they will. If you do use reunion registries and other forums for reunification, please keep your information up to date. Someone can look for you next month, next year or ten years down the road. However, if the information you have posted somewhere is incorrect then it will be that much harder for everyone to reconnect.

Good Luck.

Hi There,

Finding my biological parents was a tragic and confusing experience. I wasn't adopted at birth - I was 7 years old, so my experience may be different.

When I re-connected with my biological parents, I wasn't prepared for the confusion, pain and loss I would experience.

The relationship I had with my biological parents was VERY complicated and painful.

If I were to do it again, I'd proceed with EXTREME caution AND I 'd seek a good counselor to help me through that process!

That's just me... :-)

Hello Perplexed Poppy,

I’m new, not only to this group, but to communicating on line in general, so I apologize if writing through the reply button was incorrect. I just felt very moved by your response; I’m terribly sorry that your own experience was so painful and difficult. And I hope that by sharing it, you might gently interject a note of caution and self protection for other adoptees who are exploring their biological histories. I can imagine few experiences so vulnerable and fewer so distorted by both personal hopes and cultural hype. I too believe that adoptees should approach the process with open eyes and strong support.
I’ve watched too many friends take off blithely, at full speed, during shaky times, with huge, yet vague expectations, seeking undefined resolutions, or “missing pieces” while hoping for “wholeness” (or something equally unmeasurable). . . I’ve personally never seen a fairy tale result.
I hope your words might encourage anyone considering the journey to do so with some clarity of purpose, some realism and begin from a healty place – with experienced help.

I Wish you the best on your journey.
Warm Regards,


like unimatrix mom i would advise caution and gettin help first to mimimise the risks and heartbreak.

im sorry that u have had all the old pains to deal with again, and i dont think they mean to be confusing its just difficult for them to include u in a life that didnt have u in it.

all my children are adopted and the bio parents those who met the children did not have a lot to say, some are like extended family and included in family affaires but are quite content to be in the background others are adament they dont want to acknowledge adult children at this time in their lives.

which ever way it goes its hard to know what to do for the best so as unimatrixmom says get help first then proceed

as always loving thoughts and posiitive vibes

D :)