Quality and Food and Rules

Last weekend I was priveledged to enjoy a visit from my dear friend, Jan. As I wrote previously, Saturday night brought an evening of pizza AND ice cream!! ♥ I enjoyed them! I really did! And the thing I really remember about the ice cream was this amazing feeling of FREEDOM! Since ice cream was a CRAZY BINGE item for me for soooo many years, I haven't kept it in the house in YEARS! I felt I couldn't be trusted around it! What I'm learning is... It was the restriction that failed me. It wasn't ME... By viewing it as a "bad" food, even when consuming it I had the mentality that I was eating it for the last time, and ate it WAY past the point of any pleasure! I would eat until my mouth was numb and I couldn't even taste it! And yet I'd keep going... Out of control... These days... It is not only IN my fridge, but in my belly!! LOL! And I feel SAFE with it there! I do NOT feel like I will eat it until I burst! I do NOT fear the guilt! Because... It's allowed! And I can enjoy it in small quantities and know that tomorrow, if I choose to, I can enjoy it again! ♥ Freedom!

Still... I've been plagued by some guilty feelings... That day in particular, there were more "naughty" foods in my food journal than usual... I went to my nutritionist this afternoon, with my head hung. I told her I'd had some low days, on which I had not eaten all my calories. And... Some days when I felt the quality of my food was not as good as usual. She went through my journal. She paused on Saturday. And she said, "I actually think this is a perfectly balanced day! Your numbers are perfect! I don't think you had too much sugar!" Ehhh??? :D I have permission, from a nutritionist, to ENJOY FOOD?!?!?! Huh!! ♥ THERE'S an interesting concept!

For a girl so long controlled by crazed binges and restrictive starvation. Purging sweat sessions at the gym. Hypervigillance in the grocery store. This is... AWESOME!!!

I can eat sugar!! :D And THAT is truly SWEET! ♥

Love you all!

Recovery ROCKS!


Oh Jen; this is so wonderful. I am soooooo looking forward to getting to where you are. You make it sound like heaven to me.
Love you girl!!!!!

This is awesome. Its so amazing that you have found recovery and realized that it isnt scary. =] Hopefully all of the people in this forum can learn from ur advice and can share that same sweet feeling of freedom!

Jen...I will always remember the moment on Saturday when you simply said, "This is enough", meaning that you were enjoying the ice cream, and realizing that you were satisfied with a normal serving...it was enough, and it was good! I do remember something muttered about 'sugar', and I knew you were trying to make it all 'ok'. I'm glad that your nutritionist helped you feel better about the 'balance' of your intake. Perfection is not the goal...life and freedom are much better rewards! HUGS to you!! Jan ♥

this is great, JEN! wow...im so happy for you, that you can enjoy food now!

as for me, my doctor told me becasue of my stomach issues, to be casreful with foods that might irritate my stomach. oh, jen this is cutting out a lot of foods i enjoy cause it irritates my stomach, and , i dont know what to do cause so many foods cause this 'irritation ' and i feel deprived and angry i cant enjoy what i want without pain and bloating. oh, how i wish for a normal digestive system, but i dont have one. i told my fiancee that i have been feeling deprived of my foods i like yesterday, cause the other day i was feeling so deprvied i had a tiny binge! nothing major but it was like my body does not like this 'food regime" . sigh.. i am trying so hard to cure my stomach issues and it is driving me nuts cause i cant have what i normally like, even some 'safe foods' . i dont know what to do , maybe ill talk to my doctor about this. cause i cant go around feeling deprived . i want to help my digestive disorder, but at the same time i want to have some freedom with what i eat.

which doesnt mean i dont go 'out of the box' i still do, but yes, pain WILL follow.. sigh....

sorry for my rant, it is just that is wish i could enjoy certian foods without pain.

i am sooo happy you acomplished this! i am ! go JEN!

you are wonderful!


Hey Jen,
Oh that's so good to hear about your progress and the fact, yes you acknowledge you still get a wee bit anxious about things, but mostly things are on the up and up and that is fantastic.

Christa I am sorry to hear about your stomach issues. Have you looked at the internet as to what foods may be suitable. Health food shops also provide a lot of gluten free or calcium free treats if that is what is causing the problems although I am unsure. I do understand you would prefer not to be heading to the health food store for a treat..but there might be something in there that you fancy.

Much love to ye all
Moongal x