Question about recovery

Hey again
i have a question to anyone whos in recovery, been through it or understand it...
The people i am closest to, particularly in my church I dont want to see. like im scared of peoples judgement or something. i am normally i really social person, but since iv started recovery (4 weeks ago) i havnt wanted to see people. i dont understand.
has anyone else experienced this? or understand it?
becaue i thought wen the ed is at its worst people withdraw, i had this a couple times but never expected it in recovery? i mean, i feel more confident in myself in ways, like i look after myself better.
is it good or bad?

I think this is your ED's way of making you think life is better with "him". At this point in recovery the ED voice does cruel and unusual things to convince you to quit. The best way to get through this is to just do the exact opposite of what the voice tells you to do. Its going to feel uncomfortable. You have to start fighting it as hard as you can and soon you will have the control.
... and we thought the issue was food! hahaha
I know you are stronger than your ED so please keep going strong in your recovery. :-)

hey britta
thanks very much. so glad you have insight there! it seems to true too. everyday i wake up and think of excuses to get out of the day and just stay in bed forever.
but ur right, im going to try.
thank u so much
ash x

Wingz, I'm so glad you are in recovery! That is wonderful!

I can understand exactly where you are coming from. It's just right now you have to concentrate on yourself.

Am I right in saying you feel like you are under a microscope? Been there. Want to know why you feel this way? Because you are human.

When we go through trials in our lives every emotion and thought seems to be magnified a thousand times more than normal. And even though we may be doing awesome, somewhere in the dark crevaces of our minds doubt still lurks, taunting us subconciously. We are waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop.

You know, when we have been through such stressful times, abuse, illness, catastrophe, etc. for so long, we get used to things always going wrong. We learn the hurt as a way of life.

Suddenly, that hurt has become less or non-existent. Even though we have victory over the hurt, it may still feel like something is missing from our lives and at times it may feel like it is wrong.

Know why?

Because we are not used to it. Feeling good and healthy and feeling like we have self-worth is new to us and we have become unfamiliar with those good feelings that have been burried for so long deep inside of us.

Right now you are like a butterfly who's cocoon has just split. Have you ever watched a butterfly coming out of a cocoon? Or a bird hatch from an egg?

They don't just explode out of it. It takes time. That is where you are, just hatching.

It is not a bad thing, you will once again become the social butterfly! You are simply adjusting to a new way of thinking and feeling, not to mention the physical changes your body is also adjusting to.

Stay strong young butterfly. Be patient and don't get discouraged. Each day is going to be hard work, but soon you will be able to open your wings to the sun and take flight!

awh wow that speak volumes to me… like my picture, my tattoo is of a butterfly with the word freedom. meaning freedom from ed and s/h.
means the world to me. thank you so much
ur a champion.

i know in EDs we fear others judgement and please pople, but we need not to. if others dont understand others pain that is their problem. but why distance youreslf from the love of others?
please do not fear judgement of others for it thye love you or know you --they will know you are more than a person with ED...

love
maureen

yeah i really hope you are right hey… im going to give it a go.
thanks heaps.
bless u

Ifihadwings,

Your post really speaks to me right now... It is so much of what I've been experiencing. I have felt these feelings in a variety of situations/settings, but have begun to acclimate myself in most of them. With time, effort, and patience, the spotlight will fade. :) Personally, I am only now trying to reenter an environment from which my recovery journey has removed me. All those intense feelings sprang up in my face. We have to push through these fears. Hiding from them, from ourselves, will not make us stronger. Breathe, dear. :) You're not alone.

Love,

Jen

ahh thank goodness :slight_smile: ill do that same… its so scary, but we will have to face it one day, the sooner the better right? just need to be equipped to know how to deal with it.

ifIhadwings and Jen,

I know exactly what you are both going through right now. I have been honest with everyone in my life about my ED and am so nervous in facing some of them. I am afraid of the judgement like theyll think Im not recovering because I am not a certain body weight or at a specific point in recovery. I dont want them to think Ive failed. Im sorry we all have to face these things but Im glad that we all have each other on here to face these things with. We all just have to keep talking positive to ourselves and picturng what life will be like when we are fully recovered. It will all be worth it I know that. I also have a butterfly tattoo on my forearm. I got it when I was contemplating recovery to remind me to slow down and breathe. I will be getting another butterfly tattoo on my other arm on my wrist this tuesday. This one is going to symbolize my being in recovery. Underneath it it is going to say I can make it through the rain. We all can and will. Keep up all the good work girls.

Nicole :)

You are so amazing! how cool about the tattoos too! butterflies have so much symbolic meaning in eds and mental health i think…
wow yeah judgment scares me. thats why we have to be secure in who we are… i dont know myself and thats why i htink im holding back from people i love.
but u know, if they judge you, they are missing out. not you.

we can totally do this!
Wishing you all the best, keep us updated! :slight_smile:

I love when people get tattoos that are symbolic and not "just because". That's awesome Nicole!

Jen good for you! Stay strong! You are on your way!

ifihadwingz

You are so right about people missing out. It is so hard to find ourselves sometimes because we gave so much of ourselves to the ed. Trust yourself, your beliefs, your feelings, know that you are a great person and that your loved ones will love you no matter what because that is unconditional love. Who knows if you let people in they may provide you with even more tools to help you find yourself. Hang in there. You CAN do it! :) Nicole

Beautiful dizzaster,

I agree. It's cool to have tattoos that are symbolic. I feel like having permanent reminders where I can see them helps get me through the tougher days. :) Nicole

thank you so much. i needed that :slight_smile:

Nicole-
I think it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do... I think a big part of it is that a lot of people don't understand the struggles you been through...They don't understand that it's not as easy as just giving the habit up because it's truly an addiction...an addiction that you can't just just say goodbye to forever. Unfortunately, food is essential for life and keeping a healthy balance with food, especially for us with EDs, is an on-going thing. I think being in recovery is just as hard as fighting...one because of the whole people not understanding and two...fear of relapsing and going through it publically. I've had relapses myself in the past and the best thing I can tell you... is yes... it's hard, but having those people I confided in helped me keep accountable. All the luck to you! :D

klopez

Thank you for the support. I agree it is just as hard. Its so frustrating when people don't understand but I guess if the tables were turned and I was the one watching someone go through this, maybe I wouldnt understand either. I also agree that having people who support you help with accountability. Thanks so much and luck to you too! Keep up the good work. Nicole

What beautiful understanding and support!! ♥ JUST the thing to read at the end of a long, hard day. :)

Love you all!

Jen

i knoww this is amazing :slight_smile:

It is nice to finally find others who understand so well. I love you guys!