QUESTION: Would you rather be lonely or live in torment and misery with a significant other? I know my answer already.
1 Heart
The answer is an obvious one, however, being in a narcissistic abusive relationship has a different spin to it, i didn't see the obvious. I stayed in the relationship because I was conditioned to believe I was to blame for his anger and abuse and for the relationship. I didn't see the torment yet I was miserable because I honestly believed it was all my doing. I tried to fix the relationship, be more understanding, but everything I did brought out his rage. I could not do anything right. His abuse, silent treatment, threats, control, emotional brutality only got more frequent and increased, led me to feeling suicidal, that I had to leave. It's lonely because he had isolated me from my friends 10 years ago. Since leaving in November 2014, I have rid the self blame and doubt, found a normalcy of what conversations are like, restored a sense of self esteem and value, and being at peace and not walking on eggshells and being dictated to. I now surround myself with people who are mutually respective of me. I will never compromise myself to have someone dictate my worth as a person.
Alynn, congratulations on your success in rebuilding your self-image and self-esteem! You now know what an upside-down world your narc had you living in. They are so good at separating us from our friends, one by one, that there is a name for that: "alienation", and the more friends they can cut you off from the easier time they have manipulating you without the annoyance of people who actually care about you.
And that "walking on eggshells"... How did we ever allow ourselves to tolerate such an environment where were had to be so careful about what we sad an did, for fear of causing a blowup? Never again!
@KurtMichaels
I still have issues to deal with. I just hope I can get to the level you’re at in acceptance and healing. The challenge is accepting how damaging the narcissistic tactics are to the well being on another. It was a shell shock to learn narcissists are incapable of love, accountability or empathy, although knowing this, brings clarity and in some sense resolution to this crazy insanity of a relationship. Found out, I’m not crazy, in fact, the sane one. But to think how brutally emotionally cruel and inhumane a narcissist can be, is beyond belief and imagination.
Amen! You are so correct KurtMichaels. I wish Alynn so much happiness! I've been traveling a similar road. Peace is found when you can be happy without the heartbreak of loving a narcissist.
1 Heart
Alone and I'm working on it.
You are not alone, Rumad. You have US! I think about you everytime I log into this website, hoping that I will read good news. Sometimes I do; sometimes I don’t. But you know what you can always count on here?
No one is judgmental, and you will never feel abandoned by the people on this site. We will stick with you no matter what, no matter how many mistakes or missteps you think you’ve made. We ARE on YOUR side, Rumad, and when you are ready to take a bold step and next that extra level of support, just ask. We’ll be right there with you.
at some point you have to get off the roller coaster , , you feel sick , sad , grieve , and ive suffered panic attacks , , But the fog will clear if you work on it . . Im a month in , half a stone lighter , still feel sick most the time and scared of my own shadow , , but its my shadow I talk to at the moment , , my shadow tells me im worth it , , well I tell it to myself and it will take a while to sink in , , probally months , , but to back to the control and misery , , to lose myself and go through that again , , 3 1/2 years of hell . I wont get back the 3 years of when the love bombing good stage stopped , , I will never get back the man I fell in love with , , as he was destroying me and taking me away for himself , ,
god I feel so sad writing it , but its true .
@emmaboharris There should be a law against this abuse.I can’t even think straight anymore.