Question: Do you ever feel like your ED is, the only way I can think of to put this, the thing that keeps you going? Like, it gives you something stable to hold onto? Something familiar? I feel as though life without it would be so...different. Scary. Empty? I look forward to the comfort it gives me, the 'security blanket' feeling it supplies.
If it goes away...will I be happy enough without it?
with out ED--you will be much much more happier than you ever dreamed and you will live life ---not for security blanket but the joy and excitement it cna bring... life really does not need securtiy blankets--time to move on--and live life without clinging to something deadly , destructive and sheer sheer misery!
you will be a million million times happier! more than you ever could imagine--without ED!for then you can experience life instead of death!!!
love
maureen
I understand exactly what you are saying swimcat. When its been apart of you so long its scary to let go or even come to the realization that u MUST let go.
I use to feel all the things you do about the ED. I thought ED kept me going until it caught up with me and I kept having nervous breakdowns and losing all I've had.
At the beginning life without it is lonley because of the use of the only comfort you know. But when you start to "experience" real comfort, you will grieve it, and not miss it at all. ED is a love for you. You have to grieve any loss of love in your life including ED. For me it was the only love I knew for 30+ years. I do better now. I can feel my body so it's difficult to continue what I believed ED was doing for me. It becomes not possible to starve and purge anymore. I don't purge anymore but the binging "is" subsiding. When you let go of ED, your "body" will "begin" to tell you what it needs. And when it does, you will be happy and feel comfort to give it what it needs. And it will never again need destruction from you.
"After" you grieve it as a loss, you will then be capable of treating your body and mind with tender loving care. And you giving your body and mind tender loving care will REPLACE the "feelings of comfort" ED use to give you, minus the destruction.