Whenever the word Rape comes to mind I have always thought of it as a violent act.What are your beliefs about this?Can rape be non-violent?
I shared a situation with a friend with my husband and I told her what had happened ..she told me I was *Raped*.At first I was confused ..now I believe I was a victim of spousal rape.It was not violent..I was not tied up or assaulted till I was black and blue.This was a person who now I realize was sexually abusive my entire life with him.But I became numb..co dependant..lost..emotionally withdrawn.
It was over within minutes he had been drinking but knew what he was doing.We had been argueing but for weeks and days he gave me the silent treatment.He was emotionally abusive.Earlier that day he left a note on the bed printed off the internet about anal sex with a bottle of lubricant on top.
Anal sex was something he knew I hated and was fearful of because of the pain..the first time he ever tried this on me was very painful .I felt dirty and disgusted.It was arousing for him.He knew I did not like it.I threw the note away..as I said we had been argueing previously ..I always apologised b/c I hated him being angry with me..he never accepted my apolgies.
I told him I got the note..he just laughed and said it was a joke.Later that night when I went to bed after more silent treatment I was awakened by him ..he said he was sorry and that he loved me..he was trying to get intimate with me.Emotionally I was not there I had no desires for anything sexual.He started undressing me he knew I was not into it..he stopped for a bit and we talked he was trying to console me.
Then he started again we started to have sex then he positioned me for anal sex..I started to say to him that he knew I didn't like this and I didn't want to..he knew I didn't like it.Then he stopped for may 10 secondshe once again grabbed and said 'I don't care im going to do it anyway Im going to make you feel good".I cried silently ..he could not hear me I tried to pull away..he held me in place and got what he wanted.It was not violent he didn't beat me till I was black and blue..............rape isn't always classified as violent right!
its true rape isn't always classified as violent. my ex boyfriend raped me and no one belived me cause i was 15 and emotional messed up when it happened and its been over a year since it happened and no one still believes me. i also have a friend that was raped and then her little sister was drugged and raped. like me it happened to someone they knew and trusted but cause they weren't beaten or marked up they had no proof it ever happened.i hope that you do whats best for yourself and take care of yourself.
grace31 .... No is no! It doesn't matter if you are married or not.
Right now you have to do what you have too. Consult a therapist, tell the police .... do whatever it is that you can. Your marriage is not a healthy one. In my opinion …. you need to get out of it.
AmberlynHelenaRuby .... I am sorry to hear that this happened to you and that no one believed you. You are not alone. The only thing I can tell you to do is consult a therapist and the police. Criminal charges will be filed.
And, I can't stress this enough .... if you or any of your friends are ever violated again in the future go straight to the hospital (even if it happened a week ago). The hospital has to take action. This will then generate the resources that you need such as counselors, required medical treatment (for possible STDs and pregnancy) and they must contact the police.
It's a sad thing that one must go to the hospital in order to get people to believe them at times. However, you have to do what you have to do.
it can non-violent. when i was raped it was non violent, partially b/c i was passed out and even when i called him out on what he was doing when i came to he didn't hit me, he acutally kept appologizing and tried to act like nothing happened. i went to the police right away and when they picked him up he admitted to it. he wasnt violent at all.
This keeps happening time & time again I dont know how to ever make people stop doing this horrible crime & weed out the mental illness in these people when we keep trying to spread the word, makes me want to throw-up.
My rape was not violent. Is it still rape if he did not do anel or hits me? This guy was at least 2to3 times bigger then me I am 4'8" he was like 6'2" and about one hundred pounds more then me. He is not fat just very muscular. This guy was a fire fighter a paramedic and in the military. I have reported it someone told me before I decided to press charges she was a special Ed teacher lady at college said either do something about it or forget that happened and move on. It's hard with my disability tho. So was i rapedor not? Please pm me or comment on here letting me know. Thanks
rape only being rape if its violent is a rape myth that needs to be addressed so that society can move forward!
rape is non-consensual sex. there are many different forms it can take and the threat of violence can be as awful and powerful as actual violence. I have been through both and the non-violent rape had a greater negative effect on me and my life than the violent attack.
and sorry but to the poster above me, that is really wrong and hurtful and dangerous and I will be reporting this, and you, to the people running this site.
I too was raped in a very non-aggressive way. I was held down for two hours. He waited until I said yes, but he didn't let me move. We fought for two hours as he undressed me against my will and I tried to redress. It wasn't violent and he didn't do anything until I said yes, therefore I had a lot of guilt because I had finally given in, I stopped fighting and I thought it wasn't rape. But, if a woman says no once then if he continues it is rape. Remember that. You did not want to do it and just because you weren't black and blue DOES NOT mean that you weren't raped. I am so sorry that this happened to you, and know that there are so many other woman out there who have been raped without the bruises just like you, what I mean by that is that you are not alone.
Good luck!
Its something i havent told anyone but I was raped by my ex boyfriend and it was non violent. Basially he said he wanted to go on a break with our relationship but I told him if we were going to be just friends we wernt going to be having sex. well we were laying in his bed watching a movie and he started to kiss my ear and i jokingly told him to knock it off, i think he was turned on by the denial and me fighting back because he started trying to undress me and i kept trying to put them back on but i started to panic because I couldn't get him to stop, he had my pants pulled off and I realized that the next step was going to have to be me yelling at him and he woulda stopped, but i think itd traumatize both of us. I'd already been raped once as a child and I wasn't eager to repeat the emotional rape which would have come from even just telling him your about to rape me. so i decided before he put it in to just go with it, not sure where i lie on that because it didnt start as consentual i did say no several times but i didnt want it to escelate into me screaming get off me and he had it out already. its funny because after it was over he asked me if i wanted to if i could have faught him off, to some degree he realized the it didnt start off as consentual
I was raped almost a year ago by one of my colleagues. It was not violent, I was scared and tried to get away. Eventually when we had me on the bed I said to ' please don't do this, the last time I slept with a guy I was raped'. This was untrue at the time, so I thought, but later I learned about spousal rape and realized my ex boyfriend had often raped me in our relationship and was emotionally very abusive. I didn't fight back, lay like a dead corpse on the bed when my colleogue was raping me. I didn't say a word to anyone for weeks. In fact I even confronted him the next day and asked him what the previous night meant to him, he said it was an act of love. So why was I feeling so disgusting, scared, anxious and depressed. My anxiously went through the roof. To make it worse we were in a foreign country on business trip. He continued to try to sleep with me again, often when he was drunk. I didn't let him but he was scary, an angry person with violent tendencies. When I eventually came out with it he claimed we had an affair.... I resigned from my job eventually and have had to change my career path completely.
Do any of you very fought yourselves? Blame yourselves for what happened? I feel so alone sometimes.... Luckily my girlfriend has always been supportive. But there is only so much that you can talk about something till your partner has had enough.
Writing this does make me feel a bit better. I don't dought myself as much anymore. I know what happened.... I know the massive impact it had on my life. And that is what matters, it's not what other people think or say.
To all rape victims out there...lets stand together and become survivors!
I learned the definition of rape is a person, spouse or not, who will not accept a "no". Violence is beside the point.
I never thought about rape until one night when my spouse would not accept "no". he tried to punish me refusing him by not having there be any lubrication. What was hard was he had been very kind in the beginning. Over time, I became more an object. He only liked when I was feeling insecure. If I was happy, I was not pretty, if I was scared or insecure, I was "beautiful". If a guy looked at me with interest, I knew a night of sex was coming. really creepy. He wanted anal sex, too, but I kept him from doing it by swearing to tell his Christian pastor grandparents (along with that I would divorce him). As soon as his grandparents were almost dead (and after they passed), the violent rapes began. He used the injuries from the violence to keep me from leaving him (and he liked to nurse me "back to health". super creepy. Doctors say his aggression had to do with not aging well and long term severe head injuries. The divorce was finalized this last January.
There's a situation that I went through not too long ago. I won't go into detail, but I wasn't sure if I had been raped or not. Basically, there was no asking for consent and no giving of it, but there was also no stopping or speaking up. I shared my experience on an anonymous confession site and was quite surprised that not a single person that replied was on my side. Everyone said stuff like "You're so stupid." "You weren't raped." "It's people like you that put a bad name on real victims." "How dare you classify that as rape?" It really sucked, especially since I was reaching out for help, not whatever that was. Whatever happened to me was non-violent, and if it can be classified as rape or not is now beyond me. I was so sure until I read those comments. I just want to help others who feel like everyone is against them, because that's how I feel right now. I'm starting to doubt that anyone will take my side, and that cuts deeper than you might know. Here's one person who supports you. Even if no one supports me, I'll be that one for you.
Pantan, in order for sex to be consensual, someone must obtain consent. Without your giving affirmative permission, the person who initiated and perpetrated a sexual act with you did not have your consent. When it comes to proving something in court, a case like yours may be tricky; but no one has the right to tell you whether or not you can identity as a victim or survivor of rape. If you feel as though what happened to you was not ok, was not something you are comfortable with, then trust your instincts. Check out your local supports; you may want to speak with a Rape Crisis Counselor in your area. Most counseling centers are free and confidential, and can be found with a quick Google search. I am sorry that you experienced what you did; thank you for sharing.
Hey, I know what you're feeling. I was "raped" and noone can't change my mind about that. I told my boyfriend about it and he completely turned against me and called me horrible names and told me I cheated. Even the guy that did it got it in his head that he did nothing wrong to me. But I know what I felt, I said no over and over. He didn't ask any questions and just took it upon himself to do that. It wasn't violent because I knew the person. I was in shock and after a while I froze. Now it's been a year and I'm still thinking if my argument would be strong if I went to the police.
@JayeRoe - Welcome here, doesn’t hurt to go talk w/police to see what course of action you may take, could assist stopping someone else from becoming a victim. Stay w/us, many here understand & it helps having others to talk with.
I have to ask is it rape when you don't know what's going on until years later you look back and understand what it was yet you never would have done it if you knew then what it was? I had my older brother rape me for several years always telling me not to say anything to my parents or he would hurt me.