When I was 18 years old, I had a hugh crush on my friend's manager. She set us up for a date...we went for a walk and just talked. He seemed so sweet and he was 21 years old! I was in heaven......or so I thought. We started dating and I would pick him up from work at 1am everyday and we would go hang out. When I left my house on Aug 26, 2006 I didn't know what was a head. We were over at one of his friend's house and they were having a party.....he took me into a room and pushed himself on top of me. I told him no many times but he didn't listen. I was sooo scared of what my family would say, so I didn't tell them for two months. When I did finally tell them they took me to a place to were I could talk to someone, but didn't feel comfortable there. So I stopped going....most of my friends were supportive but some of them went around saying I asked for it and wanted to have sex with him...what really hurt the most was I was a virgin...but I shortly noticed that talking about it helpped me. I made a speach in my 12th grade english class about it and I started to cry right in front of my classmates. I was doing good til about a year ago. I had just gotten married and my husband and I were heading to a concert and I saw him. Now I don't know what to do. I don't want to get out of bed and I'm scared to go anywhere by myself. I won't go to any wendy's because that is were he worked......what should I do?
I'm glad you told your story & I'm sorry, please communicate your fears/feelings w/husband & together you'll be capable of going forward & finding another way to ease some of the pain w/him by your side & please keep sharing/talking if & when you feel like it so you wont internalize this on yourself it will & can help, we're all here for you & your not alone.
Take care of you
April
I had a similar experience when I was 19... I haven't told anyone except my best friend because I was afraid people would say that I asked for it as well. It is still something that haunts me and it has been 8 years now.
My advice to you is to live well! I know that it is so hard to face the world when you're scared to move but the best thing you can do to overcome this and conquer the beast who took your innocence is to grab life by the horns and take it for all it's worth. You deserve the best and you definitely deserve to be happy! You said that talking to others has helped in the past. Maybe you could talk to other girls who are at risk.. Go to the Boys and Girls Club or a church or school in your area and ask what you can do to spread awareness. The best medicine for fear is EMPOWERMENT. You need to find what will help you feel empowered again.
The bottom line is, enjoy your life! Do things that make you happy! Don't let that one night turn into a million nights of reliving the suffering. It was not your fault and no matter what anyone says, you didn't deserve it! Find a good friend that you can trust and confide in her when you start to feel afraid. Go do things together that will help raise your spirits.
Good luck!! Just remember, life will go on and everyday the pain gets a little better but only if you learn to let go.
Xoxo
I am also facing seeing him soon (long story short, he’s my brother and he’s getting out of prison soon after serving for something unrelated, and I never told my family what happened, so I have to act like everything is fine), and I am dreading it. He showed up once when I wasn’t expecting it, and I wanted to vomit.
But I also second what StarBlue said, live your life and remember, it is YOUR life! No one can take that away from you. Even if you did want to have sex with him, it should have been on your terms. He had no right to do that to you, and true friends will understand that. Find someone you can confide in, someone who isn’t a gossiper, and talk. Let it out! Keeping these things to yourself will only let them build into a bigger monster. For some people, talking is just the best kind of therapy, and the one that leaves them the most satisfied. I’m the same way, I want to talk to people about it, but because I kept it secret from my family, I can’t be too loud about what happened.
When you find what makes you happy, don’t ever hold back! Let it all out, and live every single day knowing that you are moving on. Don’t let him drag you down or make you miserable for even a second!
April and Starblue,
Thanks for the advice! Starblue, I am sorry to hear that you had a similar experience but thank you for letting me know. It helps knowing that I'm not alone and there are things I can do to help others, even if I didn't put the guy behind bars....
Thanks again,
Taylor
hi, i am a 21 year old guy. I have been diagnosed as ocd and ptsd.when i was 15 years old i saw my teacher{a holy teacher} sexually molesting my younger sisters. i was very shocked and upset.i didnt know what to do so i told my driver who told him the next day that he should not come to teach holy lessons from next time onwards.last year that same teacher just came over to our house and rang the bell. when i opened the door, i was completely shocked to see him. He introduced himself as my sister's teacher by saying my sisters name.HE had come asking for some money.I told him that we dont give any money and asked him to leave. Now i am having flashbacks of him coming again and him calling my sisters name.the worst part is that how dare he uttered my sisters name from his dirty mouth. i feel very agitated and frustrated. i am doing accountancy and also now having difficulty concentrating cuz his image comes in my mind.I feel he might come again some day. I just wanted to share my feelings.If anyone could give a soothing reply i would be very pleased.thanku.
You precious young man. It is so moving that you are not angry over something hurting you, but angry with someone hurting your sisters. It is especially difficult when it is someone who is supposed to be looked up to and respected, as in your situation. I had a hard time in the following weeks after my rape with flash-backs and the man’s face and the feel of him on top of me being in every thought. Much like you have described here.
My only advice is that you need to talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, or a stranger. You need to be open with someone and discuss those feelings of anger and disappointment you felt when this person stole you and your sisters’ innocense. Please tell someone. I know how hard it is, because I have had to deal with the shame and pain of doing so myself. I have had it looked on harshly, and then I have also had those who have been wonderful about the fact, and very supportive. If I were you, I would contact the local women’s shelter, let them know of your situation (it will be very confidential) and if they cannot help you then they can guide you to someone who can. You also need to tell the police. I don’t know what the statute of limitations is in your state, but at least you could make them aware of the situation and they can watch for any further inappropriate behavior on his part.
The last bit of advice I can give you is to stay strong. It is when the offender weakens us that they win. Don’t let him win!
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can find some peace.
jakesgirl
I am sorry for what happend. I just want to let you know that you are not alone and we are all here to support you. You need to talk to your hubby of what happend he can be a great help. Stay possitive it is hard I know but try =).
I know rape is one of the most horrible things to happen to a person. It is not only painful and traumatic, but it is hard to forget.
Recovering from rape is the same as recovering from a sudden death, or a natural disaster. It will take time. You might not believe this – but you will feel better one day. There are many people, organizations, doctors and friends who are here to help you. Take some time to grieve, and definitely follow your doctor’s advice, but try to live as normal a life as possible afterwards. The familiar routine is a slave that helps your spirit and mind to heal more quickly than hiding away.
I hope these words can provide some help and comfort in your time of grief and healing.
XOXO
ANA
First i'm sorry about how u feel .. it must be hard on you .. But I think that living in fear is more ugly than the fear itslef , so u just communicate with ur husband , tell him how you feel , and get him to help you .
Another point is .. I think it's been years since u saw HIM again , and it was only once .. SO it's NOT nesseccary that u'll see him often anyway , just let this fear go away :)
I want to take another opportunity to share something with the ones of you here who have been victims, and that includes you too au. The fear that is instilled in you after someone has assaulted you, or one you love and are witness to, you learn to live afterwards. You learn to get out of the bed when all you want to do is pull the covers over your head. You get to a place where you are willing to get out, even if it is just for a little bit. I was paralyzed to my house with the feeling that everyone could see the filth of the rape on me like a huge boil, and were disgusted. I still deal with that some, but it isn't nearly as bad as it was. Even though your self-image, trust, feelings towards others, feelings of safety, and future relationships will be affected in some way by what happened, do not let the idiot that stripped you of dignity win
I was willing to do whatever it took to take the man who raped me to court and make sure he was put behind bars, but because there was no witness, there was no video, there were signes of what they said could be interpreted as "rough sex", but that didn't prove without a doubt that I was raped, so they (the prosecuting attorney's office) were not willing to even take my case to court. Civil court attorney has told me that if the man has not real income, other than military retirement and disability, then we can recover no money for damages from intent to cause emotional distress. So, basically, I am not getting any justice against this man.
However, after 6 months of being a hermit, and afraid of anyone who looked at me crooked, I decided that this man does not get to win. Even though my life is changed, and I am not the same person I was before, I am going to do what I have to do to gain my life back, he does not get to win. I do go to counseling services through the women's shelter, which has helped a great deal. I recommend you all go to your local women's shelter and use their services to get you through this. That alone has been the biggest help I have had since my rape. They do not share your informaiton with anyone else, not even a parent. They will give you suggestions on how to get through the tough times, like when you have flashbacks. Please seek them out, they will help.
You are exactly right. It takes time. There are days where I want nothing more than to stay in bed, not even think about leaving my bedroom, turn my phone off, leave the blinds shut, and drown out the world.
But I know that I can’t do that. If we let them take even one more second of our lives, we let them win. And we are stronger than that, we are better than that. We have to be willing, if not ready, to wake up and charge into every day that we have, because it isn’t their life, it’s OURS, and we are in charge. We are the ones calling the shots now, and we can not, and will not, let those beasts ruin another moment.
At least that’s how I am. Very “bull by the horns” and don’t get in my way. Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I turn on Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life” and blast it. Sometimes I need to remind myself that it IS my life, and that always works wonders.
I haven’t gone to a women’s shelter, but I am considering it. Do they counsel people who aren’t being sheltered there, and does it cost anything?
Yes, they do counsel even if you are not a resident. In my town, the counselor is in a different place than the initial crisis center, but the crisis center would be the place to start. You need, if nothing else, an order of protection, and they will help you do the paperwork, for that. The counseling comes afterwards. They sent what they call a Dove Advocate to be support for me every time I went to court with this guy. She stood between me and him when we were before the judge. She made sure that he couldn't get to me before the case was heard, and the police at the courthouse escorted me to my vehicle. They were all very kind.
No, they do not charge a cent for the couselling service. They are supported through grants and such (I assume) They help you get whatever you need to feel safe and take care of yourself. I have been blessed by such a great program. When I went to the hospital, they asked if I would like someone from the shelter, and I told them yes. That was my first contact with the Women's shelter. I would contact family services to see if they have a contact number for the shelter so you can make an appointment. Then, they will tell you where they are. They don't have signs out because it is a shelter, and they don't want the predator to be able to get to the ladies. I didn't stay there, but they got me the initial order of protection and then directed me to the place where the counselor is. I highly recommend using this service.
Good luck,and if you have any more questions, or just want to release some frustrations, I am here.
Pattie
hi sweetie, thank you for sharing your story! when i was 16 i was dating this guy, he had a car, and i thought everything was awesome, hed pick me up in the morning for school and everything, but when we were alone, hed always ask if we could have sex, i kept telling him no, (i was a virgin) one night he took me to the drive-in and we were kissing he said put out or get out, it was 1am and i was miles from home, i went to get out of his car, and he pulled me back in, drove me to his house, he said he was sorry, i believed him! i went in his house, he tied me up, gaged me, beat me to black and blue and raped me, his mother was in the other room and could hear me screaming, she didnt do anything..
at school on monday he told everyone i wanted it, that i got the bruises cuz i liked to be tied up! he was my bf, and no one believed me, my own mother told me i did it to myself for attention! and whats worse i stayed w him, he had me almost convinced that i did want it, he did it to me multipul times after that.. he told me if i ever left him hed kill me, ...i left him. took me a year and a half but i left him..
it took me 3 years for me to let a man on top of me, while having sex.. b4 that id have horrible flashbacks of his face, now bcuz im a sex addict, i dont see him anymore.. i dont feel anything anymore when i have sex, and i have never "made love" to anybody in my life! my sex life was ruined b4 it even started.. power to you for talking about it infront of people bcuz i have pannic attacks when i try and tell somebody in-person, thank you for listening!
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