My gambling problem has totally baffled me. Yesterday I finally did a worksheet to see what would it take to get me caught up with all my bills, made a plan of action, which included stop gambling right now or my finances were going to domino out of control. Felt good about my decision, then 2 hours later found myself back in a casino spending money I cannot afford. I have told myself time and time again I will quit just to find myself back in a casino. Self will is not working. I am a strong willed, professional and have never had a problem as insane as this. Today I am going to start journaling to see if I can find out the underlying reason I keep doing something as self destructive as this. If I don't stop right now I'm headed for financial disaster (let alone spiritual sabotage).
I think it is a good decision to start a journal. Visiting this site is also good. I have read some helpful books that help you understand why we keep going back. Stop gambling for good-Dr.Balasaa Prasad, she bets her life- Mary Sojourner and Taking back your life by Diane Davis. I have been gambling for 3 years and like you I am an intelligent professonal, it
Does not matter your addicted brain takes over all ratonal thoughts in order to get its fix, just like any addict. I Thought I could quit this terrible addiction on my own. At a time when we should be dreaming about retirement and traveling I am instead worried about how I will keep our home. I tried to stop on my own and I lasted a little more than a week before I found myself in the casino spending every penny I had including my mortgage. I am going with my husband to a gamblers anonomous meeting on Wed. and then we are going to the casino together so I can sign a self ban agreemet. I think it will be much easier to stop the jackpot dreams that trigger your urges if you know that you have a self ban and will not be able to keep the money and you could get arrested for tresspassing. Seems drastic but I can't afford another relapse. Hang in there you have to find what works for you. Read this site as often as you can. It helps a lot to know your not alone.
Thank you for your support. I am taking it one day at a time and I didn’t gamble yesterday, which is the first Sunday in a long while that I didn’t go to the casino. The small city I live in is full of truck stop casinos on every corner, these are what I have become terrible addicted to, I seem to spend a lot more money and time at these than in the larger casinos. (The nearest “real” casino is 65 miles away, which helps). I am reading the posts of others and it is helping that I am not alone in this horrible addiction. I wish you all the very best, let me know how things are going and I’ll keep you updated on my progress too. Take care.
I HAVE BEEN GAMBLING FOR 13 YEARS AND I HAVE PAID THE PRICE
FINANCIALLY I AM TOAST AND MY RETIREMENT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD
I KEEP SAYING TO MYSELF OVER AND OVER THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME AND THEN I GO OUT AND GAMBLE..THEN IT'S OVER AND I LOST MY MONEY I THINK WHY DID I DO THAT AGAIN. WHY CAN'T I JUST STOP?. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME POSTING.
Hey, thanks for sharing silver. You do whatever it takes to get control.
Read the comments to the posts, they are full of good information. I just joined on the 9th of this month and I already feel a renewed strength as the hours pass. There seems to be a lot of thought with our brain tricking us into going back. This is making sense to me because in mid December I actually was sick of even the thought of gambling. Well sure enough, I found my way back and didn’t get sick at all wasting away another twenty six hundred in the next two and a half months. So in came March and because of my little habit and a miscalculation I’ll be
unable to help my son and not able to pay on two loans. After that, I decided to take action. So here I am. Obviously, we need to take some kind of action, because if nothing changes… nothing changes. You know, if we don’t change our behavior, we’ll just get the same result.
I also read about limiting access to funds so in the event we gamble while we may damage our physical and mental self we limit the damage to our finances. All makes pretty much sense to me. If you are going to go to meetings, I urge you to shop around to find one that meets your needs. Some of the meetings can be very cliquish. I’m actually trying to use this site as a source of support rather than attending meetings because I’m not fond of the 12 step process and had a bad experience with one meeting in the past. Well as I say to all… I wish you a lifetime of addiction free days, void of conflict and stress. OLD GUY
Read the books I suggested above if you can, that may help you understand why we keep going back. Then immediatley implement some real strategies to defeat your addicted mind. You have to do it in the time frame that you feel resolved to stop. I have found I only have a period of two to three days after being disgusted with myself for going before my mind conviences me its OK. Limit access to money as best you can. The casino self bans will limit your ability to get money while your there and certainly the thought that any jackpot you win you will not get may be a helpful to stop the dreaming of the "big win". Many on this site recommend GA, that has not been an option for me but I am sure it would be helpful. Many of my readings suggest that relapses are common that is why I believe it has to be a strict access denial so when you relapse while you still damage your soul/spiritual self you limit damage to your finances.
I did the self ban yesterday. I went with my husband so there was no gambling. I introduced myself to as many guards as I could and told them that I was going to self ban myself and that I wanted them to recognize me. Guards are at every entrance and patrol through the casino. I realize that you could "sneak" in and possibly get away with it. But over the years I have actually come to know many of the guards and the staff because I was there so much and quite frankly I have won alot of jackpots (put it all back). If your caught the first time they escort you out, if your caught a second time they call the police and file tresspassing charges. I cannot access money at thier internal check cashing/debit card stations. So if you DO sneak in you can only get whatever your bank limit is.( I also called my bank and had my daily limit reduced from $500 to $200) The biggest thing is that If you do sneak in and you win a jackpot, you don't get to keep it. That for me is a huge deterrent. I had to sign an agreement they took pictures of me, put all of my personal info and my car info into thier system and then they walked me out. I wanted to go to the bathroom before I left, they let me but the guards stood outside the door until I came out and then walked me directly to my car. For myself I have realized that I need to protect myself from myself.
Oh Resolve, I have been wondering how you are doing! I am so, so proud of you for taking this drastic step! It just shows how serious you are about wanting to quit. I have flirted with the idea of banning myself from the casino too. So far, despite numerous urges to go, I have not gone back to the casino. I won't even allow myself to buy scratch off lottery tickets since I quit playing the slots 60 days ago. Instead of GA, I go to a therapist once a week. She read "She Bets Her Life" and thought it was one of the best gambling addiction books around! It sure explains why we get into that hypnotic state which leads us back and back again. I am definitely less tormented since I stopped going. Guilt was destroying my peace of mind. Even though I do not go to GA meetings, I realize it is a one day at a time battle. Just like you, I have a very good job and am well respected so I would be mortified if anyone at my job knew I had this problem. I am glad I have this website to post on. Stay strong Resolve!
Sandy, location, location, location -- that's my biggest challenge. I have to drive around it or by it to go to the doctor, grocery store, so many places -- since it's 6 min. from my home! I really agree with you about the spiritual sabatoge too. Gambling just destroys our souls, but the good news is that we can get our lives back when we battle hard. There is joy on the other side of this addiction. Never give up on yourself. You can do it!!! My very warmest wishes to you as you battle this addiction!
DeeDee,
60 daays!!!!! That's awesome. I have been following you and andrew it gives me hope. I feel pretty good, I had one really bad relapse so I lost track of my days. Things just seem to have changed. I am making phone calls and bill pay arraeangements. I have been skating on my past good work in my job for so long but now I have taken on some big projects I am excited about. We'll see, one day at a time. This site is great because I know everyone here understands. I dont have to tell lies,because everyone will understand and some one will have the right words of encourgement.
Resolve, good for you for taking on some big projects at work. It's amazing how switching your brain off from the destructive behavior can give you a sense of excitement and hope! The first month, I was in a fog! And had physical withdrawal symptoms which were probably brought on from feeling so tense w/o the release my Saturday morning trips to the casino gave me. I never missed work to gamble so Mon-Fri wasn't my biggest challenge. Weekends- ugh! But I have been taking on projects that make me happy now such as planning my spring gardens! I have learned how to knit, which I find relaxing. And I am walking, whenever the weather permits, like Forrest Gump! My therapist said it will take awhile before the dopamine levels will return to my brain, but the longer I stay away, the better I will feel. She said she is amazed how just one trip back can upset the brain chemestry again -- that is the biggest reason that has helped me to stay away. I agree about the honesty this websites enables us to display. It's a judgment free zone because we all can relate to the emotional/financial/physical battle of the gambling addiction. Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing. I admire you for banning yourself from the casino! Thanks for sharing that with all of us! Take care!
I have totlly distructed with this addiction and have been living a nightmare for the last year. I admitted my problem to my only child, adult daughter, and she called me horrrible names and will not speak to me. I had a very good job and have always worked very hard in a professional position. I was fired a year ago and cannot find anything. My credit which was perfect for my entire life was ruined due to this addiction. I have no support system and my car is broken down in the garage so I have no transportation. How does one go on? I will lose my home within the next few months as my unemployment runs out. I have tried to talk to my sister and daughter who both live out of town but they won't talk to me. They think that you just say I won't gamble anymore. I went to GA meetings and it did help to hear other stories but none of them are totally alone in this fight as I am. Is there anyone else fighting this alone when all aspects of their life are ruined....family, financiasl, and career?
lost1,
I feel terrible that you feel so alone. I wish this site was more interactive in real time. But it is still very helpful the people here are all in a variety of places within this addiction and have some good advice.
I have not gone to Gamblers Anonomous but I thought they were able to help you with financial suggestions? I am sure you have tried to work with your morgage company....
It it very sad that your family does not understand, but I think you have to start believing that you have the strength to beat this thing.
Take one day at a time, read all the strategies others have tried and figure out what works for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.