Reality setting in
My husband filed for divorce a month ago but I still wanted to work things out, but he just kept saying he was unhappy and wanted out. He is not talking to me anymore. He gives all his attention to our 2 babies ( mind u, he never did that) he wants to split custody bcoz he doesn't want to pay for child custody. Now he us taking them to his parents over the weekend. This part I cannot really accept right now because I will not be able to see them the whole weekend and they are my world. When we eventually split I just can't seem to shake off the fact that I will nor be able to be with them on some weekends.
2 Hearts
I agree! The hardest part about thinking of separation is the fact I would lose time with my babies. Just isn't fair. Use every second you have with then to keep being the best mom ever. It will pay off in the big picture.
1 Heart
Welcome to the site; I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, though.
I split custody of our son with my wife, 50-50. I still pay child support, but it's 50% of the usual amount. Laws differ from state to state, but assuming that he earns more than you, he may still be liable for some child support.
Our system is a two-week cycle. We alternate weekends, like this:
Week 1
Saturday-Sunday - Mother
Monday-Wednesday - Father
Thursday-Friday - Mother
Week 2
Saturday-Sunday - Father
Monday-Wednesday - Mother
Thursday-Friday - Father
That way each of us has exactly half of his time. Of course, as he gets older he'll start making his own decisions on where he spends his time. I should note, though, that we haven't yet moved into separate apartments, so I can't be sure how this will work out in practice. I have a feeling that the first day I spend without him, I'll cry for hours.
1 Heart
Thank you. I just felt like I was so alone and am the only one going through this making me feel like I was not in my right mind. That is all I'm concerned about being apart with them him leaving is his choice and I can accept that, but I feel like he wants out and yet treat me like crap as well. He is passive aggressive around the children.
@mamaoftwo If he doesn’t treat the children well, of course, you should talk to your attorney. You don’t HAVE to agree to joint custody. And in many areas, the mother still has an advantage in the courts.
He is good with the kids, but now he uses them and lures them for attention. And just says yes to everything, meanwhile I'm the one trying to discipline them. I want primary residency but he wants to dictate what he wants and thinks I will just agree. All my life I used to just agree with him but this time this it's not about material things or where to go on holidays this time it's about my
babies. I want what's best for me and them.
@mamaoftwo If you don’t have an attorney, you should find one as quickly as you can. If you know anyone who has experience in the legal field, or has been through a divorce in your area, you should talk to them.
Also, look online for reviews of local family law and divorce lawyers. You want a good one. My understanding is that the typical retainer is $2500 - $4000, with an hourly rate of $250 - $400. You can save some money by doing most of your work with your attorney by email, if you’re comfortable with that. If you feel that you can handle it and your lawyer is willing, you can also do some of your own paralegal work; checking agreements for errors, perhaps even making corrections and updates.
If money is tight, draw on whatever resources you have to. Unfortunately this is no time for pride. Think of your children, and do what you have to do.
Best of luck! You’ll make it through. Just remember that it WILL get better, with time.
Thank you so much inmydreams. Yes I do have a lawyer and I told my lawyer what I want and will not budge for my childrens sake.