Hey everyone. Thanks for all the previous help. Unfortunately things aren't going too great and last night was really bad for me. I've been trying to hard to eat meals at regular times to get my calories in and try to gain to get healthy, but it really is a struggle. I mentioned how much my boyfriend influences my eating habits before, but now it's just out of control. He confronted me last night about how my "meals" are really snacks and don't count (even though in my mind consuming calories = good for now), and also mentioned that I need to eat regularly for this to work. The thing is, I really don't think about eating and meals as much as I should. I've ignored my stomach grumblings for so long, I don't equate them with hunger, especially when I don't feel hungry. He also told me my ribs kind of freak him out and when we first met (I was about 5-10 lbs heavier) he was more attracted to me. This conversation was happening over dinner, mind you. So we got in a big fight over this, and after almost 4 years he told me he can't watch me die anymore and I need to start eating normally NOW or things might change. He loves me too much and wants me to be healthy he can't stand watching me "wither away to nothing" (I assure you all I'm nowhere near close to this). But now I am freaked out. I know he wouldn't do anything like end our relationship and I know he's just taking extremes because he thinks that's the only thing that will get me to eat but omg...I can't deal with that. I hate thinking that what I do or don't do might compromise our relationship though really I know it won't, but still. I hate crying over a meal because I feel so terrible about eating normally and I hate how painfully full I get and nobody seems to understand what it's like. My mind, heart, and stomach are all fighting and I don't know what to do. I'd ask for advice but it I'm not sure what would be helpful to hear right now...I just needed to vent. Even if you have no response, thank you for reading. I just had to get this all off my chest.
Oh darling :(
Your boyfriend was in NO position to say this. His comments were very hurtful...it hurt me just to read them. And to bring it up over dinner.... terrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Please do not blame yourself in anyway for the things he said to you. He is frustrated and lost his cool, and I know you are trying. It's baby steps and he just doesn't understand that you are making slow progress.
Maybe it would be a good idea for a while if you two had meals at separate times to lessen anxiety?
I'm going to message you with some more things....
Hold on tight hun, you can get through this
Paige xoxo
You are NOT alone. I can definitely relate to how you're feeling, and I'm sure many others here can as well. We've gone through the guilt, the tears, the physical pain. And it sucks. And it's hard. But you've just got to keep fighting through to the other side.
As for your boyfriend, he said some very hurtful things, but please try to remember that his intentions are good, even if his actions are misguided. This guy obviously loves you very much. I suggest that you ask him to sit down and have a serious, open, honest conversation about where you are in recovery, what you're trying to do, and how he can help and hurt.
Hang in there!