I'm really new I am ready to let go of all this emotional baggage! How do I start when I chose to suffer in silence for such a long time?
I am feeling the same feelings...but been on this site for sometime, usually sucking everyone else dry for support, so today I set out to help someone! You are my first so, I am going to say that everyone is very nice in this site! I have had nothing but nice people try and give good advice for anything that may be my life ending feelings. Talking or typing is a great way to unload your emotional baggage. I used to hold it all in, in fact have been doing it again for the past 2 months...finally let it all out on here, cuz if I didn't i think my family would be attending my funeral this week. I don't know what you are dealing with and I'm not asking for you to tell me, but know that there are a lot of people on this site that go through same stuff everyday...and that you are NOT alone! If you want you can talk to me anytime, day or nite, I usually check my page when i get up in the morning and before I go to bed! I'm here to listen, if that all you need...
Thank you I'm ready i have been threw so much horrible things in the hands of the people i trusted it made me jaded till i was set free ! i'm still dealing with the fact my husband beat me broke my will for 16 years i finally was able to get out via witness protection But what now I'm ok i Testified it felt good that 12 people found him gulty but how do i repair and still deal with my screwed up parents that i tried to come to and my mom did the most damage !
hmmm emotional baggage?
well, writing is a good tool to let out the emotions. Write it up!
You can write up some of it here too , there is a power in writing and in overcoming unpleasant emotions.
Here for you if you want feedback ..
Hello notlosinghope, I'm so glad you found us!! Welcome to support groups!! As you can see from Adora, there are many, many wonderful people here without judgement or put downs in their help here!!
I see you are posting in emotional abuse. Would you feel comfortable starting by telling us some of the things you've been through? You never have to answer anything you do not want to so never feel pressured. I'm simply askiing because there are alot of us who've dealt with emotional abuse as well as other things and partly how we support each other is getting to know your story.
I was in an abusive marriage for 16 years. I just left with my 2 youngest chilren in January... he hurt me pretty bad and isn't a very nice person.
Enough about me for now!! Just want to say again Welcome to supportgroups!! We're so glad you found us and we hope you will get the support you deserve!!!
Sending hugs, Suzee
Well NLH
it is a process
Rome is not built in one day but it IS built.
Start with baby steps
you have started already to let out the feelings that are bothering you, that is a big step forward.
looking for self love underneath it all. Forgiving others and forgiving yourself.
Writing is a powerful tool and talking about it., and then w/ that in learning to LET IT GO. which is the need for forgiveness.
To become whole again and restored from the damages.
is the goal here.
You can do it!
You have already done a lot to get away from a bad scenario and you had the strength and resolve to testify.
Now the healing for self must begin.
Have Faith and Believe that you CAN heal.
It may take time but that's OK, devote a time each day to writing out your hurts and feelings,
get it out and then work on forgiving
To realize to be whole we must let out what we need to get out
and then we need to let go and decide to take our lives back for ourselves
Day by day....it's a process.
Thats truly what i wanna do ! If anything i want everything i went threw to make me a better person! i dont know how to get everything out i feel so raw sometimes but i wanna feel good about my futre so i have to face my past!
Also, find things to do.
a hobby or volunteer, some exercise can also do wonders.
Take the time w/ your journal to write and then close the book and find things to do w/ your time that will empower you .
Keeping busy is a good one too.
Having goals and then working for them each day.
Basically you are starting over and though you have so much baggage from the past you can use that to LEARN from, to become stronger, not weaker, to be wiser from the hurts of your past.
Transcending it and moving on to the new and improved YOU...
Look at what you have already done! in the way of positive accomplishments! and feel good about that.
You are moving forward now.
It is important to release all of those feelings,you can write it all out, talk to others and then you can find forgiveness and make a clean break of it.
and move forward with your life, set it up the way you want it to be.
Make goals.
Each day set aside that time to write in your journal so that you can continue to process the rough emotions.
I am here for you and wish you the very best..
well my issues starting very early in life! i awoke and my father touched me i told my mom and she took my to the doctors and convince me that i was crazy till i was 15 and i caught hime looking at me when i was taking a shower and as i saw the reflection of his glasses all i can remember was asking him why was he touching me and he saying he thought i was my monther! i was 7 years old and that destroyed me! After that i ran into the arms of my abuser he broke my nose, pistol whipped me, stabbed me! but the worse was breaking my will day in and day out!! he figured new way of mental torture!
i guess after being able to testify and have 12 people listen and know they did the right thing is a plus i put 3 people away!! i still have 2 more trials but this is very important to me!! i truly wished i had support or people i could go to!!! that part that sucks was that i was in health care and i knopw there are people but i wished i could of said something! i feel like a social retart! i can express how i feel via the net but i shut down in person! BUT I LOOK FORWARD TO GROWING AND LEARNING FROM THIS!!
I am so sorry NLH, that sucks! Your dad was the villan for sure.
Very hard to overcome these things when they happen to us at such a young age.
Messes us up. You are aware that that bad behavior caused in you feelings of low self worth , those feelings drove you to be w/ an abusive person.
Please know it is not your fault!
I think that you have made a lot of very tough and powerful break thrus already in just ending that relationship.
Now, the work begins on self. Self healing and Self love.
Realzing that those that were SUPPOSED TO love and protect us DID NOT DO SO!
as a child you were not able to defend yourself.
It is understanding you would pick an abusive person to be with with this in the back ground.
but NO MORE! now you are taking back your life and you will be able to heal up from all the abuse.
No one should have to suffer that way dear NLH.
I do believe you can turn it all around though and I also believe you have started that process already.
It was and is NOT YOUR FAULT. These people are sick and never deserved to have a child or a S.O. with that type of behavior.
You are stepping up now to heal and that is a great thing.
Healing will take some time, but that is OK, you can heal and you can learn to forgive, it may take some time, but you can do it.
just being away from an abusive environment is a lot right there.
you were strong enough to do this.
Now comes time that you must begin self love and not rely on the love of others.
Coming to terms w/ your self , that part of you that is hurt and damaged.
The strong part of yourself, the fighter, the survivor is there too
Use that strong side of yourself to help the injuried part of you by offering love and comfort.
Give yourself a big hug.
Know that GOD loves you too! and all that is good you can have access to.
Processing all the negative emotions is a good place to start and to recognize that you need to heal now.
Also, there should be others come shortly w/ some words to help.
Hang in there dear. Life can get better for you..
here is a saying that has helped me:
"i still have so far to go, but look how far i have already come"
are you able to get therapy? that may help you to be able to talk through it on a regular basis.
Besides that try work on your new life to build it the way you want it to be.
Finding some friends, some work to do that you will enjoy and some hobbies.
I wish I could offer more to you dear. I have had a violent tempered father and I was hit for a few years and beat up.
I was depressed and never found comfort from anyone
I had abusive relationships too, until I finally decided to go on my own instead. I finally began to learn that I did not deserve to be treated badly.
I think I got programmed that way from my family situation.
I have gone to God instead as my father to love me and support me in my goals.
I had to make friends w/ myself and find true love for myself.
All in building new habits. my mind still may try to go there, to the dark side, but I am working towards redirecting any negative thoughts and feelings to those of empowerment and positive.
We can heal and that is what is necessary now.
So please be good to yourself.
As I say I am not in this group , but I do understand some of what you are going through but not all of it.
I hope that others will be around shortly to further discuss w/ you the specifics of surviving and healing with you.
we are survivors! i know for myself I am a lot stronger than i thought i was, or think i am.
Prayers to you for goodness and for you to find that you already ARE your own best friend and that you CAN heal from your wounds of past.
You have done so much already to come forth for some help and to get it out.
Again, I hope for others to step up and join us here that have similiar battles to fight...
Never give up and have faith that you can be restored!
God Bless
this is the first time i was able to say what happen with my Dad! But I'm more angry at my mom she acted like it would of been damaging to her reputation and her lifestyle! i always felt like i wasnt good enough and i wanted her to love me! Shes damaged as it is but how messed up are you to continue to pray upon your daughters fears! my dad Died and i forgave him and i did take care of him before he died!! i"m lost i dont know i get angry sad i trusted my mom,dad, and husband! i dont have any friends and my husband isolated me so that i dont know how to carry a converstaion with people! i dont know how to start! i guess thats why i'm here ! I WANNA TAKE THE TIME TO THANK YOU FOR READING THIS AND SUPPORTING ME THIS MEANS ALOT TO ME!
no trouble NLH
You are stronger than you realize dear.
I commend you for reaching out and for doing what must have been very hard to do.
I understand the parent thing, I had to just accept that I was never going to feel loved by my own family. It haunted me for years and made things very difficult for me.
There is no valid excuse either my friend, it is just wrong,wrong,wrong.
Thing is that we have to make up for others deficiencies ourselves
Treat our own wounds. realizing that those people who hurt us when they should have loved us is something that we will never understand.
How screwed up it must be for them!
again, beyond our control so what we must do is focus on what we CAN control, our own reactions to this and our own behavior as a result of this.
much harder to do than to say my dear..
She is probably in some kind of a denial and she has her own fears.
You dont' have to let those be yours.
Hard as it is it can be done.
it feels like a huge betrayal.
I hope for you to find healing and forgiveness and self love regardless of what your mom does or does not do.
for your own sake
it's hard as hell dear but you can do it, i just know you can.
Stay strong dear and I am here if you want to talk any more.
i should not say it "feels" like a big betrayal because it IS a big betrayal...
but i dont' want you to be hurt anymore by this situation.
I just know that when it comes to finding peace and happiness, by expecting others to do what we want them to do, even our family,
for me it made it worse, because they do not change.
I have to do the changing for my own sake and not allow myself to be depndent one way or the other on what my family does or doesn't do
cuz when i do that I am always feeling hurt and disappointed...
so instead I try to focus on myself and my own good feelings.
when my family does things thoughtless to me , I just IGNORE it, realizing this lesson learned hard way.
and keep moving forward.
sounds like doing the trials is helping you a lot too
when that is over you may feel a lot more empowered
we just have to learn to not allow others bad behaviors to control us and how we feel.
that's all we can do, when it comes to it
know that it is NOT YOU. not your fault, the other people are weak and ignorant, they have their own faults, we cannot change them
but what we can do , and all we really need to do is figure it out for ourself
the way to peace and serenity.
today is the first day of the rest of our lives and we can take back the power over our feelings that we gave away to others
and heal..
God Bless
Hi NLH, You've done such an amazing thing in testifying. I have to testify for the fiirst trial next Tuesday. My attorneys say I will be on the stand for 2 to 3 days. I'm terrified, but determined. I try not to think about him and his family who all participated in abusing me and my children... I'm not going to lie, I am afraid enough to shake when I think about it. I had a few panic attacks today. I am learning that it's ok to be afraid because this kind of "injury" leaves such scars that it takes a while to heal.
May I ask do you have any advice about testifying? Where you scared? Did you cry? I'm certain that I will cry at least part of the time although I will try so hard not too.
I havn't met anyone else who's gone through trials before so I'm sorry if I ask too many questions. I understand if you don't want to answer anything.
Welcome to supportgroups!! I'm glad to meet you!!
Hugs, Suzee
I was terified. when i testified i tried to look striaght ahead! I had many Panic attacks having to face my husband! the truth shall set you free! i guess having to hide all those years it felt good to purge the truth out and be set free from the mental prison! well i can tell you how i felt. just know what your doing is right! oh God did i cry! I Flipped out i Cried like a baby but i needed to go threw all those emotions and face him this was a battle ! Remember it is the job of the deffence attorney to try to set thier cliet free so they will test you in ways! dont lie if you dont know just say you dont know! they do try to shake you to get a reaction but at the end the personal victory you will have is priceless! I still have 2 more trials to go and I'm scared i faced my husband but i still have to testify in his brothers trials and it's really hard reliving the past over and over espcially when you hid and avoided it at all cost because of fear! The prosecutor is there they are very helpfull ! Truth is without the State coming in and taking me away was the only way i could of ever gotten out of that relationship! Suzee ask away I'm done hiding from my past and if i can help ease some anxiety then it's a blessing !
hello NLH
Hope you are doing okay, Wow, you are a brave girl that is for sure!
and you deserve some vindication here on all the wrongs. and you are able to take all that pain and anguish and fear and anxiety and transform it to
vindication for yourself and for others and grow in your own spirit in strength and courage,
the strength and courage you use during this time will be yours to keep forever
I wish you peace today.
Thank you. God Bless you!