Really

I don't understand, really, if things will get better with my recovery/ I will recover at all, how is it possible? I've been waiting for many years for it all to get better. I still feel like total crap.

Interested .... what have you done so far towards your recovery?

Do you see a therapist? Do you see a psychiatrist? Do you attend a local support group where you can sit down and physically attend?

It will get better. Recovery is possible. You will be happy again.

I have a counselor, but I don't have a support group.

Interested ... you would really benefit from meeting people just like you. Some times you just can't tell your therapist everything. However, when you meet someone who has been through what you have been through you can.

Also, have you seen a psychiatrist yet?

Yes. . . He was ok. It seems as if I've developed memory problems from the abuse, according to him.

That is a really common thing for people who have been abused.

I blacked out everything until the day I moved out of my mothers' house. Then, over the next 20 years I was flooded with memories of all the hell I endured. I also started to have flashbacks at that point too.

I'm sorry . ::(

Thanks.

However, it’s ok. I have taken that ugliness and turned it around. I am no longer a prisoner to that aspect of the pain and the label of being raped.

I was powerless and could not do a thing to stop it. It was not my fault. I did not ask for them to sexually abuse me.

What they did to me does not diminish who I am now and how I feel about life.

You said in a previous post "How can I live with myself knowing that I've been a slave to forced sex?" Well, what I am trying to say to that is .....

1) It was not your fault.
2) You were powerless over what happened. I don't care if you were 2 years old or 17 years old. You were powerless.
3) You did not ask to be a sex slave.

Yes, I still have pain and it does affect me. It just doesn’t affect me like it did when it initially happened and after I started to remember it all.

Granted, the memories and flashbacks are not what I really want to deal with. But, I can cope because of what I have learned. There is hope. You will feel better.

Thank you Luvs. It means alot to me to find support of any kind.