I was diagnosed with herpes about a month or so ago. Apparently I have had it for years and didn't know. I had went to 3 different gynos and asked them specifically if that is what my problem was. They all said no. Now here I am years later and a regular MD takes my blood and tells me that I am positive for herpes type 2. At this point I feel like my life is basically over and I will never have another relationship again. I told my ex about the situation and it was the hardest and most embarrassing thing I have EVER done! I refuse to put myself through it again so as I see it I am going to be alone forever since I am not the kind of person to keep secrets from people. I don't know what to do. I feel dirty, used, ashamed, tricked, and all sorts of other things. Does anyone have some advice for me? This REALLY blows!
Noitsnot, I am so sorry for what you are going through and for how you are feeling. A close girlfriend of mine was diagnosed with herpes 14 years ago and she has had several very healthy long-term relationships. She is now engaged to be married and has a very healthy sex life with her fiance. I know that at this stage relationships are the last thing on your mind, but my friend has done it successfully and has always been 100% honest and open with her boyfriends. She said that herpes precluded her from having sex casually, because she only wanted to share this information with someone who she trusted and built a solid relationship with. So, she would really get to know a man, trust their intentions, and then share this information before becoming intimate. I hope this helps a bit. Please keep sharing and know that we are here for you.
i just want to say i have herpes as well, i was infectd by my ex. i have the same feeling with, but i cant be single forever, so i want to find love very much, now i am on a stdloving site, i signed up,i found many herpes people there, i believe, i will find my love there,u can have a try , hope u join!!!
noitsnot, I'm so sorry for how your feeling. I was diagnosed with HSV 7 years ago and I had the exact same feelings that your having right now. I felt so betrayed by my ex. After my diagnosis I felt ashamed, embarrassed and very very alone, I went through a pretty bad depression. I was so afraid that i would never be happy again and that no one would ever love someone like me. But you have to remember that this disease does NOT define you as a person. I eventually did get the courage to go out and meet new people. If the relationship turned sexual I was always open and honest with them about having HSV (even though it was hard to tell them). Surprisingly people were not as judgemental as I thought. I believe people are just uneducated about HSV. Of course there will be people who make comments etc. but who cares, let them. 1 out of 4 people have it so maybe they make comments to mask the fact that they have it too. Anyway I met my husband almost 6 years ago and when I told him that I had herpes, he wasn't even phased. Even now when I have an outbreak and I get down on myself, he's quick to tell me that he loves me for me and not because of some stupid disease. We now have a beautiful daughter together and life is great. So my message to you is to never give up and always remember that this disease does not define who you are and if someone judges you about it then they aren't worth keeping around anyway. You will find someone who loves you for you!
Thanks for those that commented. Very inspiring to those of us that ocassionally wonder if we will find love and/or if it will last. I hope that my current love interest will be as receptive. Thank you for inspiring us.
I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult time and that all the professionals you went to weren't reliable..that's very frustrating! I just found that I have HSV-1 genitally and I do still feel embarrassed about it and don't have any intentions of telling people I have this besides my boyfriend and my mom. When I told my boyfriend that the doctor thought I had herpes he was very supportive from the beginning and never judged me. Obviously, when you care about someone they don't want you to have to go through something like this, but when you find the RIGHT person, they won't let it affect the way they feel about you, if anything it should make you closer. I feel like that's what's happened with my boyfriend and I. I was able to open with him about something that is really personal and really upsetting and he has been here for me 100%. I think that for now, you need to focus on yourself and working towards realizing that herpes does not control you and your life. There is no reason to be alone the rest of your life because of this annoyance. Once you meet someone who you feel like you could have a serious relationship with, hopefully it will be a little easier for you to tell them about this, and if you're meant to be together then they won't think any differently because of this!
@pinknails, I am always curious when I read of those that have supportive boyfriends/girlfriends. I commend your boyfriend for being very supportive towards you. I am just curious, does he have it (orally and/or genitally) and has he gotten (sorry I know this is not a word) tested to rule out possibility of having it and how have you modified your love making to ensure that he is protected if he does not already have it. Just curious. You can answer here or in private. Thanks
As of right now, we aren't sure if he has it or not. Since I have HSV-1 he likely has it on his mouth because he is the only person I've been with sexually. Like I've read, he could have gotten it when he was a kid, or from wrestling. He hasn't had an outbreak, or anything he thought was an outbreak, so it's really hard to say. He said he probably will get tested in the near future, but he has a lot going on right now so he wants to wait. And honestly, we plan on being with only each other, so it's not a huge issue for us right now. We started to have sex again last week and to protect ourselves we're using condoms. I mean, all we can do is make sure to not have sex if I feel like I'm having an outbreak and use protection.