I fell so fucked with I just want to scream. I do not understand why I can't get the information on my online medcial history for this hospital. I have been blocked from seeing my psych notes because I questioned them over a year ago and that wasn't even this pdoc it was a discharge note from anohter pdoc to being with, THe now pdoc that I ahve says since I was questioning them and getting them in paper form back then that it is now not benefilical to my psych care.

Ok well I first of all have to match things up with my bill and I do want to know what they are putting down for my diagnoses, it that mot my right to know what my diagnoses are? And that one over the other is primary???? I want to rip someones head off. I am about ready to cry to tell you the truth because I feel like I CANNOT trust anyone because they keep this things from me. I know my diagnoses but not what the primary one is and to me that is important to know so I can at least work on what it is that makes that one primary.

My other pdocs only put my primary diagnose down and that was Bi-polar, never did thye ever put down BPD as a primary. I get this new doc and I really like them but I feel that they are pushing that in my face based on there own ****, their own attachment problems with their own MOTHER! oh yea and because I don't have my kid anymore either.

I also got this doc saying that I have pecriptual disterbances based on BPD and I know they are halluanations from Bi-polar cause those with BPD don't have hallluanations, according to this pdoc.

I really have no idea anymore what to say to this pdoc to get them to let me see at least what it is I am being billed for especially for a primary.

If I want to work on me and know why this doc thinks that my primary is BPD all the time when I clearly display a primary of PTSD or at other times Bi-polar and tells me there are different varations of stress at different times then why cant I see what they are writing down, I head(GUT) tells me this is about them and not me. I just don't understand I really would like to. Goofy

She doesn't have a problem giving them to me and shes being objestive but pdoca has a problem with me wanted to see the session notes all the time. I never really did care about thses notes until I read one from another doctor that mentioned her in it and something she told him and she denies that she said it. Since then I have been asking for her notes to see if shes telling me the truth about my care. I understand that docs have there own lanugage but why cant she then tell me what it is she thinks and then tells me that psych notes are on line after 6 months of the actual care and that it can be upsetting for people to see. OK well if you are not hiding something why would it be upsetting then. THis pdoc has got me so confused "BEcause I miss read things" That I really want to hit her in the face and tell her you make no since to me when you say this to begin with. OHHHHHH I hate medical hospitals, Goofy

In her mind it’s unhealthy for me to see them. Doesn’t feel that she needs to read them to me after she said she’d read the ones she wrote and If I have questions we would discuss them but now I have this constant need to see them, which is NOT true I only ask about them once a month now(TO see one note a month) instead of every week. She feels like she is feeding into some kind of paranoia (**** it makes me more paranoid that she doesn’t share them with me.) Says I need to trust her. Well **** I think all those other pdocs fucked that up for you. She says they are her professional opinion about my care not her personal. I think that is crap, she does part therapy with me and how can you not have a personal opinion in them especially when this pdoc says on a number of times that she cares about me and what happens with me. It’s not helpful from her stand point of a medical provider that I have this "need" to see them and prove that she is being trust worthy because I need to trust that she is not putting anything in her notes that is not true. I am telling you if I had seen my notes from the past 4 pdocs that I saw I would not have been so DRUGGED on meds to being with. Even though now she is not Drugging me to the point of no return but then why keep the notes from me? I need a comeback line for this very smart smooth talking pdoc.

And she basically freaked out one day when I called and told her secturay that I was canceling all my appts an then she called back and said had she had “concern quickly without discussion with her about my decision to discontinue care, she would like a call back and then cont to talk about the nero doc that sent her a email about our appt that morning and how that doc said I should see behavior psych and that she would like to discuss what I talked about on the days before about my A. Hulluantions and that is important for us to talk about. “How can you have a quick discussion without concern and not want me to really cont to see her? This makes no since to me and am I confessing the fact again that I feel she is putting her own **** on me? She says that I am not that abnormal from others but then puts in her notes that I have server and persistent mental illness. I know that server and persistent means it affects my daily life….. Lost Goofy is lost again.