Hi all, first time poster here, dealing with picking up the pieces of my perfectionism and ambition that has derailed my life over the last year.
I guess the crux of my issue is that I’ve been dealing with crippling shame and anger/frustration surrounding my unemployment 1 year after graduation (i’m 27). I can’t bring myself to face my friends or old coworkers that reach out from time to time. I was studying neuroscience in graduate school just a year ago, but after turning down an a job opportunity that was a perfect next step after comments from my mentor casting doubt in what I was doing, I deeply regret not pushing past that for my dream life. Now, I’ve moved back home and have completely disconnected from working life, friends, parents and all of my academic pursuits and my life has been thrown into chaos. I’ve been dealing with rage attacks for the first time in my life, and I’m scared that i’m ending up like my father and will never be able to have the life I wanted. I feel like years of struggle and work has gone down the drain, and any attempts at getting engaged in things will be useless in ‘catching me up’ whatever that means.
Oddly, my mentor has not cut me off but has been distant and curt with me when I try to restart the conversation or ask questions. They will only answer me for questions related to the last bits of academic work that are unfinished, but won’t compensate me for and I don’t have leverage to ask for anything without a contract. I know business is business but I can’t bring myself to finish it just out of spite, thinking of the work and generosity I gave them. I feel like my personality has done 180 and the soft, calm part of me I have always been able to protect is gone. I have massive impatience and I hate myself for it. I need massive cognitive dissonance in order to just renter the trajectory I was going before, but a vacuum exist in terms of my interests and lifestyle. I isolated from people for so long, I have no one to turn to.
Just wondering if anyone has advice or has gone through something similar?
dude, you are so young. im sure there will be so many opportunities still coming your way. just a note of advice: its important on your CV what you do in your times of unemployment. so i would advise either getting involved in some type of volunteer work, or maybe making youtube videos on a topic that interests you or something, because sitting around doing nothing is bad. but seriuosly, dont worry so much after only missing one opportunity. i dont know why your mentor discouraged you, but maybe you were not ready for it. or maybe fire your mentor. but dont sit around doing nothing. go to the gym too . and get in touch with your friends as they may have contacts for you. plus they are there for you.
1 Heart
Dude, so mazing that you did neuroscience! If i understood things i would totally do that, you are just one year older than me and doing so much better! You probably will have more opportunities in the future, i didnt read everything, i just wanted to say that i find it amazing
1 Heart
Now that im reading imma ask some questions, can you try to get that job opportunity again? Why did you menthor think it wasnt a good idea? Did he say something about it? I understand how frustrated you are for not finding a job, its hard for everyone and sadly the only thing there to say is to keep trying to get one. I understand the role of a menthor is to help you but you dont have to take their word for it all the time, specially if you want to do it. There is nothing to be ashamed of, being unemployed after finishing studies is very normal, which shouldn’t be. I would continue to talk to your mentor about the unfinished things you mentioned and just ask whatever you want, i dont understand why having a contract is important since i havent been to college or talked to a mentor like that. I also dont understand the need for cognitive dissonance and i would like to. I dont think i helped but hope you got something out of what i said
I feel wronged tbh but realistically nobody told me to make the choice that I did, so I can’t blame anyone else but myself