i after 2 day of not eating I decided i need to go back to my meal plan so with nothing but good intentions i went to the kitchen to grab my ensure i open the fridge grabbed my ensure went and sat in my bed room something i m not suppose to do my counselor want me to sit at the table i dank it pretty quickly normally i take it slow but not today i when it was done the guilt set in i had to get ride of it next thing i know im purging then i felt dumb the rational part of my brain was saying you need that the ed was saying your fat. fat people dont need but i went to the kitchen anyway and before i knew it im popping air popped popcorn and i ate like 3 cups of it now i sitting here fighting the erg to purge i know i should not purge it gets my heart fluttering but i feel so fat and to make it worse i went to weigh myself and some one took the battery out of my scale i have torn apart my house looking for some i really freaking out right now i fell like a failure i do good for a couple days the boom i m back in ed behavior what is wrong with me i feel so weak and powerless like this ed is going to kill me and i m letting it i hate it really hope inpatient treatment help but i m really scared of going i have been thinking about backing out i know i probably wont but i am really nervous i dont want to go and fail . put in the work get out and relapse can any one share what there inpatient treatment was like it would maybe ease my anxiety a little i now every program is different but i still think it would be helpful i hope every one is doing well. love Leah
Leah,
It sounds like you're really trying to make good steps to take care of yourself, but that ED is clinging on! It can be hard to learn to ignore that destructive voice, but it IS possible. I had to smile when you mentioned that someone removed your scale's battery... I know that had to be frustrating, but someone is obviously looking out for you. ♥
Keep writing... I wish I had something more concrete to tell you... Hang in there... One step at a time. :)
Love,
Jen
thank jen did you ever do in patent treatment porgram was it helpful any input or stories your willing to share would really helpful thank for all your support