Recovery Soon!

Hi guys! I haven’t been on this webpage in a WHILEEE I was using it as a compulsion in the past and decided to stop. I relapsed pretty bad this month. I’ve been dating this AMAZING guy literally guy of my dreams. He’s super sporty, funny, caring, and more. I started getting really bad ROCD with him though (wondering if I was attracted, picking out his flaws, testing feelings) and then HOCD came right back. I finally went to an OCD specialist and I start ERP this week!! However, I’m really nervous. My brain keeps saying I’m going to be aroused by the ERP and I can’t shake off the feeling of being lesbian. My therapist said feeling a sexual orientation isn’t a thing, but it feels real and as if I accepted it. I can’t understand why because literally a month ago I was planning my entire future with this man, being super attracted (i think anyways), and was so excited. Now he feels like a stranger. Last time I was with him I kept getting intrusive images and thoughts which made me feel like I wanted to run away. I was wondering if anybody had tips/encouragement before starting ERP and if you’ve had positive experiences with it (even tho ik it’s really hard). OCD SUCKS and flips everything around but we can do it!!

1 Heart

The saddest thing is, there’s no cure for OCD, but what you can always do is simply expect it to come back at any day. You must NOT combat intrusive thoughts, no matter how real they feel, you should never EVER suppress them in any way. Facing uncertainty is always the key to recovery.

Ugh I know :frowning: it’s the hardest part. There are moments I’m SO sure I’m straight and then my brain goes “well what if you’re not” and then I doubt or I’ve even tried accepting I’m bi and I can’t do it my therapist said I have all the reassurance in the world and I still don’t believe it so one magical feeling of being straight won’t take it away but I’m scared with accepting uncertainty I’ll accept my thoughts (which currently aren’t giving me anxiety which is also kinda like wtf)

Try not to question that as well. One thing to recover soon is accept the possibility of being gay - without needing to know your sexuality 100% percent.

1 Heart

That’s very good! Does the particular LGBTQ… label really matter? As long as no one gets hurt we should all be free to be who we are in the moment.

1 Heart

You’re so right! I’ve been doing better with my medication finally kicking in. Made my ERP hierarchy yesterday and starting that next week🕺🏻

1 Heart

Totally agree! Everyone should be free to be who they want to be! OCD just messes with my head (and has been for 8 years)

1 Heart

Great! You only need to change your mindset, so you don’t need to get all that wary about being queer/straight.

Thank you! I’m trying yesterday was really good I was feeling SO much better and then I randomly got an intrusive thought and it brought me down so hard I just feel like I completely lost myself and that I’m a lesbian (even though I don’t want to be with a girl) it’s hard bc without my meds and the anxiety i at least know it’s OCD now it feels so much more real but I’m doing intense ERP starting this week so hopefully I’ll get better soon!

1 Heart

There are different things that I have learnt through my experience that has help me but I am not a professional and only do these if you feel comfortable.

1 So OCD comes from fear, so if there is no fear there is no OCD. So the way to remove fear is to accept sometihing in the present or something that will happen. If somthing is true, is true and no amount of worry will change that.

2 Remenber your life when you felt great with no worry and say to yourself I was 100% fine and try to picture that old you, as you keep pictureing that image of you, you should slowly go back to that old you.

3 you can face your fear and look at girls, if your mind says oh you are a lesbian , keep interacting with them until one day you will feel secure of yourself and will say I never felt anything toward them, so everything was a lie.

4 if tip 3 could be to much try going outside and enjoy nature pay attention to every detail this could be a form of meditation where you focus on the present moment.

I hope this is of help to you.

1 Heart

You should consider doing TMS for your OCD. It had been very effective for my clients that have done it.

I feel like TMS is the only cure for OCD, if any of those treatment methods don’t work.