Reflecting and Wondering why I had so many funky relationships experiences. I realize I struggle with the insecurity of coming across too clingy, or a burden for my significant partner. I'm not in a relationship anymore but I have this intense fear of being cheated on me, or having a partner leave me because I'm too clingy or insecure, or "complicated". Although I want to be in a relationship because I feel like loneliness is just eating at me. How do I bridge the gap with connecting deeply with someone and feeling so low (unworthy, dirty, guilty, ashamed) about myself, and yet the past stories of dysfunction in my life?
2 Hearts
Just reading some of what you shared, I think you might need to find happiness for yourself first. If you are happy with yourself, it helps you to be in a relationship and be equal with your partner.
2 Hearts
Your post is very familiar to me... I’ve also suffered childhood trauma Verbal, physical but also incest... I had a deep fear of people cheating on me also. Abuse makes us filled with shame and have low self esteem. With reflection and a lot of research and working on myself I realized my childhood is related to my current issues of relationships as adult. If we are missing much comfort during childhood and genuine love, we search for it and have unmet needs As adults but unsure how to find this bc not much experience with genuine love.... the love that you need however can’t find in anyone else... I think you need to find the love in yourself like through counseling and healing and being happy with yourself... that’s what I’ve worked on and I feel like still working on. It’s difficult to get over the effects from abuse unfortunately. It brings down our spirit and self esteem. I’m happy to report though that I no longer desperately looking for validation and love from others. I’ve accepted who I am, forgave my past abusers, and much happier. I hope you find peace and happiness in life, and not feel so low about yourself and things anymore. You are worthy of love, and happiness
1 Heart
@Foundlove
Thank you so much. Gaining much insight and wisdom from this.
@luna1994
Yes I suppose I needed one because I struggled with isolation for most my life and friendships were never that consistent in my life. I still fear of getting rejecting my own friends. Moving forward I believe I just need to work on myself
I feel myself in you, and what Griz said is basically everything, when you love yourself and feel comfortable with you, you dont need anyone else and they just come to add in your life, i know its not easy to love yourself and release yourself from past trauma, what have you tried doing to recover from that trauma? I would gladly have a conversation with you about it if you are down for it, let me know!
@nicekiwi
I’m currently taking medication and receiving counseling for now and music lessons as an therapeutic outlet. I’ve been in counseling before and found myself relapsing in short lived relationships. Although I don’t want to go that route anymore, and picked up counseling again.
@kgmaxwell
Thank you, currently doing this. Much appreciation to this.