Relapse

I have not been back for a few weeks because I chose gambling instead of stopping to see I was stressed. It started as a simple...I have some extra cash (really no such thing as extra cash) I can handle it. I was wrong with in a few days I gambled away the rent money I got from my tenants...all the extra money I earned from doing Massage and what ever money I had taken out for my parents party that didn't go toward items needed went right into the casino. So I know now Cash is a big trigger but as for emotions...Good, bad, indifferent doesn't matter. I'll go to the casino when Happy...when bored...when lonely...I really don't need an excuse. I've learned I can't trust myself. I skipped my therapist for 2 weeks becasue I didn't want to tell her about the gambling and I didn't want to stop. But I did take time to look at what I was doing when I thought about not paying the Car payment on time so I'd have money to gamble. I went back to therapist, told my sister and plan to have myself banned from the local casinos. I know I can't control it and sometimes...most of the time I don't want to stop going but I know I need to. Still trying to get myself to GA but have been avoiding that too!

Thanks for being honest, I feel bad for the innocent ones surrounding your situation that you've chosen, they did not ask for this in life. Keep working on YOU & am glad you've taken some steps to make it slightly harder to get your fix.

I can say that my gambling only hurts me. I have no one esle who I am financially accountable for. Any I have never asked anyone for money for bills. Which makes it easy to hide when I do gamble. I have not had ATM access since starting therapy which is very good because I know I would have emptied the bank account and not paid any bills this month. I know that I am the one who needs to change and find better social outlets than gambling. I don't really like new people and gambling was aways a way to be out in the world without really having to be in it. Next step is to try to get myself to a GA meeting but my dislike of people makes that a big challange.

I can relate to that KatieLMT. I don’t like people standing around watching me play the machine. I usually turn and give them a snarl and a look of “go away!” They general slide off like snails. I later learned that they watch how much money you loose until you become broke then they come in behind you in hopes of hitting that lucky spin. Creeps! I’m still going to the group session on Friday from 5:30-6:30.

Just my opnion, its more than financial loss, its wasted time that could of been spent w/family, children, friends if you want friends, its a form of isolation, I only know this from my own life experiences & things one does to themselves to ease the pain which IS short lived & still there tomorrow. I'm still glad your talking here so others can read & learn, thats GOOD & you know what your doing from the way you describe.

I'm just here to NAG at you cause some people need it & I do it cause I CARE.

April

It is truly a waste of time. I could use all of that lost money to shop for days if I enjoyed shopping. Maybe I will eventually become a shop-a-holic. Not!

I attended my first GA group meeting on Friday evening from 5:30 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. I must admit that I didn't know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to see how many people were in attendance. The group had started the round table introductions with a summary of the straw that broke the camel's back which made "us" aware of the fact that we had a real disease. We really are compulsive gamblers who would not stop because we just knew that the next spin would be the one.... the jackpot. We had absolutely no control over ourselves from the moment of entering the casino(s). It is almost like the big "eye" - camera picked up on us entering and targeted us to strip us of every dollar we walked in with. Sure, we all had that one "big" win in the beginning when the machines ousted Bingo. But that was the trick of the devil to get us hooked immediately. I kept my promise to my husband to attend and now I will not ever miss another meeting. The Church where we have our meetings is so beautiful and serene until if puts you in a peaceful state of mind upon entry. I'm determined to NEVER enter a casino again to gamble. Now I will take it one day at a time for the rest of my life. I will find VICTORY.
Mary Joe

Well, after my night of wiping out our checking account, I had to find money today to bring our account out of the red. The only recourse I had was a Pawn America. I had to pawn my wedding ring and my anniversary ring. What fool I am. I will have been married 40 years at the end of October, and here on October 1st I'm pawning my rings! (I only got $190 for both of them. I deposited the $190 and after deductions for overdraft fees I was left with $102.00). Not only was the experience demeaning, it was also very depressing - and not just for me. The line in the store was growing out the door, and it was so depressing seeing all the people there to pawn their "stuff" because they are in financial distress for whatever reason. One person was a lady older than me and hunched over, having difficulty walking, who brought in 2 old box fans (the kind you rush to WalMart for when you can't take the heat of the summer it anymore). They of course refused to pawn them. Several of us in line looked at each other knowing that had we had the money we would all have given some to her.

I decided that I am also going to go back to church starting tomorrow morning, and tomorrow night I I'll attend the GA meeting.

I don't ever want to have to be in this situation again. It reminds me of a story I remember from childhood about a little girl who was told repeatedly not to play with a vase, but she did. It broke as she was warned, and she her parents auctioned off all of her toys, including a precious doll (my rings).

Keep staying strong. You can do it. Thank you for sharing your story. It has opened my eyes up. i'll just think of that old lady.

I did the same thing last week with overdrafts. Now I'm messed up for another month. So stupid!!!

I would like to say that for those people that judge people who gamble. Examine you own life first. Who in this life does not sin? Who does not have some kind of addiction? Gambling, drinking,overeating,shopping,sex,painkillers,drugs,hoarding,dieting,gossip, smoking,the list goes on and on. Addictions start becuase we are unhappy and have a void in our life. Lonliness, in a loveless relationship, boredom,sickness, many things can lead us to the road of unhealthy habits. We are all children of God and we all need to be understood and loved and have lots of support. To all those that are struggling with addictions. My love goes out to you. Don't beat yourself up and get depressed. Examine what is missing in your life. Remember we are all children of God, and he loves anyone who is willing to allow his spirit in his heart. He will raise your self esteem, he will heal you and bless you in so many ways. We are never alone people. God bless you all and happy holidays and a happy New year to you!

Thank you passion for such a great message. You have a very good way of putt.ing things. I will also think about the old lady and the fans. I believe that the gambling becomes a problem when whatever is bothering us is medicated by the machines. It takes our minds off of what it is we don't really want to look at in ourselves. I am trying to take little peeks at what is wrong in my life and address them a little at a time. In the past I have become gung-ho and tried to attack everything at once only to fail quickly. They say it takes 21 days to change a habit and tomorrow will be day 7 gambling-free!