This past weekend I had my first relapse since starting my recovery. I had a major binge Friday eveing/night and then another smaller (yet still significant) binge Saturday afternoon. I am dealing with a lot of grief and stress right now, a friend of mine slipped into a coma Friday and his outlook does not look good. I guess the strong emotions mixed with feeling lonely was too much for me to handle this weekend. I am feeling pretty ashamed and discouraged right now, however, I have to say, I expected my first relapse to hit me harder than it has. I am not sure if I am just giving myself permission to slip up because I am so upset or maybe I am a little bit in shock and it will hit me later. I met with the nurse who has been a big (weekly) support for me and she helped me get past this relapse and gave me lots of positive reinforcement and encouragement. I am back on track with eating healthy/appropriately. I meet with an ED specialist in 2 weeks so hopefully I will be a little more stable by then.
Laine....you certainly are dealing with a lot of stress and emotional turmoil right now. Personally, I would not think of 'one slip' as a relapse, but simply that, a 'slip'. You are doing the best thing you can by getting back on track and seeing a professional right away. Keep utilizing your resources.....that is a strength! And I hope your friend gets better, and at the very least does not suffer. Take care.....Jan ♥
Thought I would give an update. I don't journal so I am using this group to get it all out there and off of my shoulders. I haven't been posting much lately, been a long few weeks. My friend did pass away after being in the coma for two weeks; he was only 27!! It was devastating but also a bit of a relief because he was in a lot of pain and due to the coma there was significant brain damage so he would have never gone back to being himself. My friends and family and I are all trying to pull together and help each other through this. I cry all the time! I have had several binges over the last few weeks. I was doing so good, I had gone 2 ½ months binge free which is the longest I have ever gone and now I can’t seem to get control of it again. I feel like I’m starting all over again. I had done so well and was losing lots of weight and now it just feels like it was for nothing. I am eating because I am grieving the loss of a truly good man but the eating just makes me feel worse. I need to get out of this slump. The worst part of it is that after my last binge I almost purged, which I have never ever done before. It scares me.