I've struggled with Ed really all my life, but the harmful behaviors (starving, binging, purging, restricting, self-harm, ect.) didn't start until I was about 12 or 13. Freshman year of high school I went into treatment and it took me a long time, because I spent much of it lying to those who were trying to help me. After finally cleaning up I went on with my life putting God and singing at the center of my life. I'm now a freshman music education major with vocal emphasis. Freshman year has been a tough transition for me. Most of it has been great but lately knowing that vomitting would hurt my voice is the only thing keeping me from doing it. And Ed's learned this new trick. Now he convinces me that I'm sick and throwing up is going to make me feel better and tonight I gave in. After church I went with some friends to dq and got a small dipped ice cream cone. and for some reason i went to the bathroom in my dorm and got rid of it. I know its wrong. I have a voice lesson tomorow and I'm singing Mozart. I really need my voice to be in a good condition. I know relapses are a part of the process but im wondering if ill ever really be out of recovery,
annvoice...you CAN get beyond this, and live your life with out the eating disorder! I know it's discouraging, but today can be a new start.
Please don't put this on yourself to do without help and guidance from a professional. Can you talk to the counseling center at your college? Or do you have a therapist? Please hang on and trust that you CAN do this! Take care...Jan ♥
I went to a therapist at an Ed clinic but I haven't been in so long and to go I would have to tell my parents which would just break their hearts. I'm thinking about talking to my mom about it but I'm still unsure. There's a womans center here at school that has a group for eds and I'm going to try to find out some more information. It's ironic that I was talking to someone in the cafe today who was telling me I should get involved to just be a voice for others who our scared to admit they have a problem bc after years of recovery Im very open about what I've been through.