Hello SG Family!
I have been pondering the last few days about where I was in life this time last year. At the end of this month one year ago, I was in the hospital after a suicide attempt, listening to the doctor tell my mom I was lucky to be alive because I should have been dead.
I was so sick. I was so hopeless. I never felt like I was able to escape the hell of my eating disorder. I honestly wasn't even sure if I wanted to. My family, friends, and those around me had inconspicuosly given up on me. Nobody, especially myself, thought I would make it...and honestly I didn't care.
Recovery? Pshhhh! Yeah right! So yeah maybe I told people I was wanting to get better and I believed that I could, but I didn't believe it.I knew that ED would be what took me out, possibly before my 21st birthday.
But looking where I was then and where I am now?? Wow. One year ago this month I was staring death in its pale sunken-in face. Saving up money to go to a treatment center that I didn't think would ever help. Now this same month one year later...6 months binge and purge free. 6 months of NOT A SINGLE laxative. Not one diet pill. 6 months of being free.
Recovery is possible! Is it easy? No way! Do I still have thoughts and still have to fight every day? Yes. But here is the difference-I now know that I have the strength to win the battle. That even though its a fight, I am victorious.
In 2 months I'll be celebrating my 21st birthday. I was told one year ago I shouldn't be alive. In the years preceeding that I was told I would have a major stroke or heart attack before I turned 21. Guess what? I'm still here :) and I will continue to stay here.
I will continue to fight. I will continue to be strong. I will continue to tell girls they are beautiful and guys they are handsome. That the eating disorder does not define who we are. I will continue to let "Kasee" speak louder than the "eating disorder".
Don't give up. I promise recovery is possible and YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Kasee,
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! It was sooo refreshing to read your post. I have goose bumps! I'm soooo proud of you!
My recovery is not nearly as long as yours but I am free-er today than I have EVER been from ED and BDD. I've always had an amazing life but now I can truly enjoy it, disorder free.
I have good days. I have bad days. The longer I walk in my recovery shoes, the stronger I become. The good days now outweigh the bad.
I am worth it. I deserve to be happy. I'm ok with being ok.
Thanks for sharing.
Keep trekking in your recovery shoes!
Lots of hugs.
wow Kasee
Thanks for sharing this with us all. Ive known you since you stumbled onto this site. You have come a LONG way baby.
So happy to hear where you are at in life now. And its so good to see that many others I have connected with have made major changes and some still are taking huge steps to start living life again.
Recovery IS possible ..although not always easy! we all have are good and bad days.
Be proud of your accomplishments I know it is no easy feat to conquer!
Love AG♥
Kasee...what a beautiful testimony!! You have fought some very hard battles and are winning them! Life is a challenge in itself, and the challenges that you have faced will help prepare you to face the ones to come...I suspect they will be tiny in comparison...love you!! ♥
Thanks everyone! I'm so glad you were encouraged by my testimony. That's what I pray everyday that God will let me use what I went and am going through to help people. To show people that there is hope.
When I look back at my posts, journal entries, etc. From when I first started coming to this site...whoa what a difference. I was in such a dark and lonely place then. Its weird how I always said that the ED was like my best friend, that I knew he was always there. I could always turn to him. But looking back on those times, I was so alone.
ED gave me that false sense of care. The false sense of loving myself if I was as sick as possible. Not true companionship. Not true friendship. Just dark and destructive behavior that isolated me more the more I longed for acceptance.
Weird how things look when we take a look back at them huh?