Running account of PHP

Hi, all!

So, I decided to start a post that I'll update each day with any new goings-on here in PHP-land, for any of you who care to know about them.

So, last night I went home to get my stuff so I could move into the apartments today, which I did. I managed to cram everything into one handbag, which was kind of funny. I said my last (and very emotional) goodbye to my kitty, who I'm already missing and waiting to see again. It was kind of interesting; generally my parents are very closely attached to me--clingy, even--to the extent that it's not always a good thing. Still, it's nice to know you're loved and to have that much affection shown to you. But this morning, my dad didn't even kiss me goodbye, and my mom just sort of unceremoniously dumped me at the curbside outside the treatment center. Not that that's a bad thing, just... very different.

Today was my first *full* day in program. Kind of a rough day, but then when is it not while you're in treatment? I had some tough meals--challenge foods and all that. Well, actually, all my meals were tough. It can be pretty discouraging at times. Staff members kept pulling me aside after meals and wanting to talk to me one on one about how much I was struggling. However, nobody did an official "check-in" with me, which was a little sad because at that point in the day I really could have used one. Ah, well. And I had some really heavy groups today, too. Plenty of tears.

Today's groups were lifeskills (today, budgeting), psychodrama (which I missed, doing a one-on-one with my therapist), process group, and "strong connections" (today it was about the mind-body connection). I also had blood drawn, finished filling out my menus for the week, and spoke briefly with my nutritionist.

At any rate, just feeling very tired right now--and just overall gross. Socially anxious, self-conscious, uncomfortable (physically and emotionally), sort of depressed and insecure... But a good night's sleep will help, and tomorrow I get another go at the whole shebang.

Day 3.
WILDLY depressed. I mean, I could get out of it a little bit, but then all of a sudden I'd be right back there, tearing up, feeling miserable, having self-harm/suicide thoughts, barely able to move... the whole nine yards. Also experiencing a bit of tension between a good friend and me, but it seemed to be a little bit better in the evening. Food continues to be difficult, of course, and I've had to drink Boost instead of eating at times, but at least I'm doing it. Groups were recovery skills, anger management, community meeting, and body celebration--all better than I was anticipating. No individual sessions, although I talked a lot with the staff because I was having repeated breakdowns. I'm seriously missing my kitty, but my mom says she's doing all right. I also talked to my sister-in-law, who says that their dog is dying. :-( Good news, though, is that it looks like I'll still be able to audition for Two Gentlemen of Verona, even though I'll technically be getting back to school after they're over. That's exciting! I mean, I'm not saying anything will necessarily come of them, but it's still exciting. :-) Depression sucks, though!