Sad

Mental Health Mental & Physical Abuse
1

I lost my dad about 13 years ago. My mom last February. And a good friend a few days ago. When my dad died, my life changed. A deep sadness. My relationship with my mom changed as well. I could tell she was sad all the time. I felt so sorry for her. I felt sorry for myself as well. I tried not to think too much about it as it was just too painful. My parents were my world. The love I had for them, very strong. Probably stronger than it should be for a kid. They were my support. They made me. When I would visit the cemetery, that is when I was able to cry. Outside of that, I would not think too much about my dad as the pain was too intense. When my mom died recently, something happened. I know all too well the sadness that comes when someone close to you dies. When my dad died, it was the toughest experience to get through. Now my mom is gone as well. I pray she is happy. I pray she is in a wonderful place. Until my mom died, I was agnostic. Now, for some reason, I feel differently. Atheist?

I spend HOURS trying to figure out what happens when you die. I have been to a therapist. I am lost. I have an AMAZING family. My kids are amazing. My wife is amazing. I should be HAPPY. I should be so proud and honored to be what most people would call "blessed".

I miss my mom and dad. I miss my friend. I hate that people die. I HATE that one day, I will die. I am scared. I have never been so scared about this before. I am 40 years old. I want to believe that something wonderful happens when you die. I want to believe I will be with my family. When I think that there is a chance that I won't, I am sick to my stomach. Depressed. Sad. I drink to numb the pain I think. I drink at night. I can stop, but I do not want to. I do not pass out or do anything crazy, I just have a few drinks to stop thinking so much.

I wonder everyday where my mom and dad are. When you die, are you dirt? Do you exist? I know what religions say. I looked into Quantum Physics. There has got to be at least ONE person who knows something that I do not! There has got to be!

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE. Right now, I am lost. I am so sad. I am so sad at things that happen in the world. I try to convince myself that when I see the clock and it keeps showing me times like 5:55 or 4:44 or 1:11, that that is my mom sending me a message. This morning, I awoke. Before I looked to see what time it was, I told myself it was 5:40am. I looked at the clock at it was 5:40am. That MUST be more than a coincidence, right? I doubt it.

I am grieving. Time does heal all wounds. It heals wounds by letting you FORGET. The more time that goes by, the more you "forget". I was starting to "forget" the pain of my my being gone, and then my friend died. I am sad for him. It brings up all the other stuff. I feel better today than yesterday.

2 books sit by my bed. Life after Life and The Universe and Multiple Reality. They do not help. I used to think that when you die, something special happens. Now I feel that nothing happens, and THAT scares the crap out of me.

2

My husband drinks too... and he is also scared of death... more so than the average person. we are athiest. I don't know what to say to him... or to you... i would like to say God, Heaven... all of that, because it would be reassuring... but i don't believe it, i can't believe in something i don't just because it would make things easier... yet i am not scared of death... i don't know why some of us worry about it and others don't. Maybe it is helpful to at least know that others wonder like you do?? anyway I hope you find peace.

3

My husband died 4/16/11 following complications of an elective surgery. We had been Catholics but had found help 4 yrs ago from a Celebrate Recovery program at a christian church. The program a step based program for any type of hurt, hang-up or addiction. The support I have received from these people have been incredible and I do not know how I would have survived his loss without them. My husband believed in Christ and in heaven. My teen daughter says she can always feel him with her and she is not sure of her religious beliefs. I am now reading the book 90minutes in heaven. I used to fear death now that I am a Christian I do believe in afterlife and that you will be reunited with your family. Be gentle with yourself, and if you wish, try to find some support group in your area. It really does help.

4

Joanie... you are so lucky to have your beliefs.. many people envy that... non-believers I think usually wish they could feel that kind of peace... I wish my husband could... so we could feel protected and like there was something coming after we die. It's might be difficult for people who believe in God to understand... it's difficult to explain... I am happy for you that you can feel the way you feel.

5

very sad

when u die u are gone in the physical but never in the spiritual u live on in peoples hearts and memories as your parents live on in yours
for every person u impact on that person has another strand that links the spritual u to the world even if its just a smiling face on the morning commute that person will mention u and others will know what u did

dont dwell on where u go as that will only be answered when we get there instead imagine making a spirtual and visual memory of things that the wife the kids the neighbours and the family do so that u are leaving strrands of love behind to keep your loved ones safe

be kind to u today

love D

6

Hi Sad, Jessica and D

I also was very afraid of death and was convince I would die by age 20. I have obsessive compulsive disorder and was haunted by these thoughts. I was very angry at God for my mental illness, my family life and my 11 yr old friends death of bone cancer. My dad died suddenly when I was 21 and I could always feel him with me and had a very real experience that he was in heaven and I would see him again. It made me believe in heaven. I got married, my husband had many illnesses, manic depression and addiction to pain killers. My son also had chronic stomach problems that required surgery to his bowel. This and dealing with a mouthy 12 yr old girl drove my anger to the breaking point. It was at this time my friend, who is an incest survivor, encouraged me to join Celebrate Recovery. It was either that or I was so angry was beginning to abusemy kids and marrage in toilet. I joined at age 50 and now feel the god I never knew and could never find in the Catholic church, called me to join these christian people and since then I have come to know Jesus as my personal friend and protector. I now have no doubt that there is a real place called Heaven and that the God I was so angry at will provide me with everlasting life. Please forgive me if I sound like I am preaching. I respect everyones beliefs and would never judge you like some christians do. I am just telling my story and that I have found some peace in the overwhelming death of Ken on 4/16/11. I do have anger against the doctor who neglected him and allowed him to bleed to death and anger seems to come out in my dreams...screaming out etc. I cry, eat and sleep too much and miss ken terribly but absolutely KNOW that I will be with him and my dad again. Please forgive me for being so long winded..just had the desire to tell this to all of you.

7

Also please tell if talking about God upsets anyone of you..I get carried away as find such peace with my religion.

8

joanie

its good to get things of your chest and u werent long winded at all :)

and as for passion its great to see that your love and new found confidence in the end game make u happy with the here and now so dont worry

take care and have a great day

love D

9

Thanks so much D...I just know that normally I would never be doing this well if my life had not changed. Just love talking to you and the others who can share our grief.

Very Sad, I hope you r doing so much better. Having a new death to deal with always brings back memories of other loved ones. I have been thinking alot about my dad who died 33 yrs ago.

Take care and hugs.
Joanie

10

joanie

its those little things that set us off the smell of a pipe the old guy in the distance that brings back the memories and we can choose to be sad or glad that we were able to know such special people in our lives and any change brings good will its how we see it and move forward thats the secret

have a great day

love D