Scale Friend or Foe

Like many of you I look at the scale as a needed essential but also the most evil thing on earth! I haven't been on the scale in a week because my parents have been home, and its in their room, so that would raise concern. Today, however, they were conveniently gone so nervously I went on the scale despite my better judgement. I know I am supposed to not care about the number, i know im not a number, but i cant stop thinking that it matters significantly in my life.
Ive gained --- with all my binging behaviors. My mind keeps calling me fat, fat, fat. I am so upset. One half of me says you already gained --- so have breakfast, and eat normal. THe other half is telling me to starve, starve, starve to loose the weight fast cause I am too fat to go outside.
I am supposed to go to the pool today with my little brother and I am freaking out! How can I go there in a two piece bathing suit with an extra --- since I went last and a total of ---- gained all together! I am going to be freaking out the whole time. And to make matters worse, I know I am going to be telling myself to go in the water for a means of burning the calories I haven't eaten to loose those pounds... the pool is no longer a fun thing for me anymore.
But why should it matter to other people? Does it even matter? Can they even tell the difference of my weight? Do they even care? My better self says they don't care and they don't even notice cause they see you as normal weight- not what your distorted image of yourself sees in the mirror. But my ED tells me otherwise.... Oh how I love this bickering inside my head haha... Maybe I can just cancel them out and ignore it all for a day. It is what I hope for.

Alee: Read your last paragraph again. They don't care and it doesn't matter and they don't see --- or even ----. We are the only ones who care about this stuff. So you are fighting with yourself, and denying yourself the opportunity to go to the pool and have fun!

Hang in there and keep writing. It really helps when you look back at what you have written, doesn't it?

Yeah, you are right. I am going today. And you are completely right about writing. It really helps with recovery to go back on your day to day feelings. Thats why I am doing it; for my recovery.

Thank you for the positivity that others don't care. I know its true but its hard to convince your ED that its true. You know what I mean?

you know what my sister says that has helped me? she says everyone (mainly female) is so concerned with their own bodies that they don't care about the bodies of strangers... i'm in recovery right now and have gained... well more than ---... so believe you me, summer time just isn't the same fun it used to be, and i am here in that boat with you.

you know, last week i was so so so so so scared for the 4th of july weekend - i made plans to see my sister in huntington beach, knowing we'd be at the beach. i had to find a new swim suit bc my ones from the last 5 years were too small for me - i went shopping for two days in a row, full of anxiety and very bad thoughts and tears that never seemed to want to dry.

BUT GUESS WHAT? i ended up having a great time! i found a one piece swim suit (which was smart cause otherwise i would have stared at my stomach the whole time), and i kept reminding myself that i was with people i love, and who love me - my sister, my brother, and my boyfriend.

ever heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? i think we all have such anxiety around our body that it prohibits us from enjoying our lives (duh), but try VERY HARD to think about the good things, and focus on those :)

good luck at the pool, and i hope it turns out to be a positive experience rather than the one you've already begun in your head, dear!

xoxox

oh! and to answer your question, the scale is FOE!

tee hee

Misst, your sister is so smart. That is fantastic logic right there. Truethfully that really helps thinking that way. I keep telling myself that as I walk around so it doesn't bother me too much :) and I agree it definitly is foe :)

so just want to say I have been were you are..I can relate too that I am not a number you are not a number.But you have and still are letting your scale dictate your mood and self worth.I can too at times be quilty of this.I still have my scale and even though it can still dictate my mood its power over me is not as strong as it was before.

I also want to add that posting numbers in your post can be triggering for some and do find (speaking for myself)that just coming out of treatment for my ED seeing numbers posted here are somewhat triggering for me.At the same time I want you to feel safe and be able to share here because this is a special place you found here.Everyone here "GETS" it.Just maybe try to word things differently.No need for an apology I have been guilty of doing this myself.

Maybe I can share some tips given to me during my treatment to help stop body checking...that I myself still need to put to use.I can totally understand the bickering.Take care!

LUV

Sorry I didn't mean to write the number of pounds. I was just ranting... Next time i will make sure to say few instead of write a number. I'm sorry for if I offended anyone. I would never intentionally try to trigger anybody. I be more careful with words next time.

Scale = FOE! ;0)

Love all the positive support here! :)

Jen

Yep! Throw that scale off a high mountain...forever!! No good can come from it! Jan ♥

I totally agree. Just wish it weren't so tempting... Wish my parents would throw it right out the window! It's definitly not good for me being there, and honestly I don't think it does them any either... Honestly now that I think about it, what is the scale good for???

How about YOU putting it away, or simply getting rid of it? Would you parents respect that need? Perhaps if you explain to them that right now it is not a good thing for you because you are tempted to use it as a daily gauge of yourself. Take care…Jan :heart:

It's a useful torture device? ;0) Paper weight? Door stop? There must be some better uses... Right now mine is acting as a shelter for wayward dust bunnies in my linen closet. ♥

Jen

Haha that's a good one Jen :) I think scales should only be used for the things you've listed- except as the torture device part of course

Allee

I promise that no one will notice the ---. Sometimes it feels like everyone will notice even the slightest change but really its just us. I bet u have nothing to worry about and that u r a beautiful person=] Stay strong and believe in yourself because u will overcome this.

You are so sweet. You honestly just made my day :) thank you

I'm glad:)

thank you thank you thank youuu!! im just feeling mush the same hey!
i asked that same question to my psych the other day, and she said no one will notice. they really wouldnt. ----- is nothing in other peoples eyes. in our eyes it is... and i dont know how to stop it.. maybe take ur mind of it by doing something for someone else?
you can get through this...

Apply the following advice to your obsessions concerning your weight. This could be insightful for you. Read carefully and practice.

http://www.hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php

I know how hard it was for you to see the --- and if you didn't weigh you would have not seen those --- and would of been in a better mind frame
people are not looking for that and if they are they won't see it because it is impossibe to see ---- on anyoue

you see ---- bc the scale showed them to u, if u didnt weigh they would have been non existent for the beaching attire know that you know, its not going to change the way u look because nobody is going to be able to see ---- at all!! yes i understand it changes your eyes but really it is really only your eyes. One can not see --- on someone, its only in our eyes because we look for it and it has a supper power over us that we dont like but by the time you get to the beach those --- could be gone :) and youll still be worried but if u go have fun they will go away just by having fun and enjoying the day

and honestly people dont stand over someone and say i see ---- because that is impossible, they cant see anything and if you feel this person is saying something i know for sure you would have a comeback : if you want to judge some one look at your self your not my keeper and i dont even know who u are so look at yourself if u want to judge someone,

i hope this helps even just a little