Scared

Hello my support friends. I haven't actually posted anything on here in a few days. I have had food for thought given to me by several people that I needed to process.

First of all my homeopathic doctor told me I am starting to look too thin. She asked me what I was eating. Told me I should try some specific foods for breakfast to start. As she is telling me the foods I should eat for breakfast I am
FREAKING out on the inside. I almost started to cry right in front of her.

Second, my husband tells me he saw that I posted on here and is upset that I did not, and generally don't, come to him to talk about it. I tried to tell him where I am coming from but am not sure he "got" it. I had a huge cry session on Friday night. I woke up on Saturday morning and my eyes were sooooo swollen from crying it was not a pretty picture.

Third, I went to my sister in law's 40th birthday party and some people there really noticed my weight loss. They had to mention it to my husband. They were concerned. The amount of food there was scary but it could have been worse. Because there were soooo many people I could blend in and not be noticed not eating.

Then I wake up and realize that I have my doctors appointment on Friday this week. I am very scared. I have reached out for help - talked to a coworker, talked to the health nurse at my work, made this doctor appointment etc... yet, I don't know if I should have done any of it. I am sooooo afraid of what they are going to tell me. I have been told to my face on numerous occasions that I am not eating enough and yet I cannot fathom eating any more. I had some cheese and crackers for lunch yesterday and I felt unbelievably gross afterward. I was bloated, way too full, nauseous, and upset at myself for how much I ate. Unfortunately though, I didn't eat all that much.

I am taking the steps to get help and get better yet at the same time I don't know if I really and truly want it or that I can do it. I am, as the title of my post says, scared. Scared of soooo many things.

So, there is my rant for the day. Thank you for listening.

Love and hugs to you all
Shana

Hello Shana,

I hope you be able to deal with all your fears and still progress in the search to find the peace from inside yourself.

Since the beginning of time no matter how big we are or brave we can be, we all have fears.
The body's reaction to fear is called the "fight or flight" response. Here's how it works. "you're a cavewoman alive many years ago, you come face to face with a hungry lion. You have two choices: 1) Run for it (that's flight) or 2) pick up your club and battle the lion (that's fight). The final choice of be eaten doesn't seem like such a happy alternative option!" To prepare for this [face your fears]; your body does a number of things automatically so it's ready for quick action or a quick escape. Your heart rate increases to pump more blood to your muscles and brain. Your lungs take in air faster to supply your body with oxygen. The pupils in your eyes get larger to see better. And your digestive and urinary systems slow down for the moment so you can concentrate on more important things. Our bodies go into fight or flight usually when there is something to fear but anxiety gets in the way of doing what we would like to do.

I sugest to lessen Your anxiety you keep on sharing your 'adventures', talk to your friends and relatives about anything, try and search for the activities that make you feel good, relax, listen to music, read the comics, [set time aside for all this... and do combine any of those things ... :)]

Of course if you do come face to face with that hungry lion, there's just one thing you should do . . . RUN!

Love, Ana

Have you thought about inpatient treatment? I've found that to be a very effective way of learning to eat more when it seems impossible...

Vero

Shanna, im sorry you are going through all of this :( Have you considered the possibility of Homewood again? I know the wait is long, im still on it but just get your name on there...

Ladies,

About inpatient treatment, been there done that. Yes it was about 15 years ago but at this point in my life I don't know if I can spend x number of weeks in hospital. It probably would do me some good but - don't know if I am in that bad a shape yet. (okay maybe this is my denial coming out again ;( ) We'll see how my doctor appointment goes at the end of the week before I go thinking about any big steps like inpatient treatment.

Thank you for your advice and concerns though ladies.

Love and hugs
Shana

shana, let us know how your appointment goes and what you think of doing.
any chance of further outpatient if that might suit you better at the moment?

Maedi,

Unfortunately there is little around my area in terms of support groups, outpatient programs etc.. I live in a rural area and so the closest center for me would be 1.5 hours away. With a full time job (teaching) and 3 small children that may as well be 6 hours away. I know I should be thinking of my health but, my husband is on disability and I kinda need to work to pay the bills.

Love and hugs
Shana

totally get that, shana. and those are the times when life really does get in the way, when responsibilities come before your own wellbeing. i wish i could swing the magic stick and bring some help to your doorstep.

have you ever thought of online CBT or anything similar? it's not the same but maybe at least something. or could you try to raise your own group (i know, very time consuming to begin with too!)?

i really do hope your doc can give you some much needed support and hope. but no matter what, write me anytime, i'm always here!!!

lots of love
maedi

Thanks so much Maedi.
I am on the verge of tears now!!!!
Could you tell me what online CBT is????

love
shana

it's cognitive behavioral therapy and you might even find some free online programmes. it's kinda like a selfhelp book i guess but you get guidance, depending on the programme of course.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computerised_CBT

i'm not sure if it's very common in canada but maybe you could ask your doc if you're interested?

Thanks Maedi. I'll keep that in mind.

no problem. let me know how you're doing!

xxx