I am not sure if this makes any sense to anyone and I hope people can understand the reasoning behind it and know that how hard it is for me to post this especially cuz I like messaging better then posting but as I post more and more I am getting to like it more. Anyways I am kinda scared to give support, I am just so scared that I am going to say something wrong, and that maybe it make you feel worse, and I would never ever want that to happen and so that is why I am scared to give support. Also part of me feels like I can't even help myself so how can I help or support other people. Is there anyone out there that understands of why I am so scared? Can anyone tell me what makes a good supporter, so hopefully that will help me not to be scared? I would be ever so thankful and it will be very appreciated. Thanks!
Princess
my suggestion is to just say what is in your heart. sometimes being a good supporter is just responding w/ sorry you are having a bad day or I know where you are coming from I have felt like that to. Just letting someone else know that you understand is stupporting them. You don't have to give advice to support someone. And if you do give advise just make sure it comes from the heart. If you truly believe in what you are telling the person then even if it is not right for them it is the best you have to give. You don't have to give advise ever though. When you feel strongly about something you will know it is the time to speak out until then keep reading. And one day it will just feel right. There is nothing saying you have to respond. Respond to the ones you can, and others just let them know you are there.
You have a lot to give in you and when you are ready you can. Until then if you are scared stick with something simple. When someone asks if anyone else ever felt this or that way tell them if you did.
I understand the fear. My first days in group therapy I worried about saying the wrong thing all the time. Yesterday I was responding to something said on a post on this site not sure what group it was in though and I felt the need to respond to one of the response but was worried since I was upset that what I wrote was going to sound hurtful. I wrote what I had to say then waited a bit read it again and made corrections... waited and repeated until finally my comment felt right.
You are a good supporter I know this from our talks. Believe in yourself my dear.
Krisalis thank you so much for your suggestions, it definitely help, and also made me think and help me to feel less scared. You actually said something that I hear a lot from people and that is believe in yourself, and well I have low self esteem issues and I really don't believe in myself so that may be part of the reason why I am scared, so I think maybe I have to work on believing in myself but I am trying to work on it. It helped reading your suggestions and your kind words, also it helped when you said you are a good supporter I know that from our talks. I think maybe I will just keep it simple like you suggested till I can believe in myself a little more and I think that a very good idea to reread your advice to make sure it feels right to me. It also helps to know that you have felt the same way when you were in group therapy and infact it was just recently and that you needed to reread and retype it till you felt it was right cuz you were worried about how it would would come across hurtful cuz you were so upset about it but you felt the need to. Thanks again so much.
Princess
If you feel like you want to reach out to those in need, but don't quite know what to say...You can always just tell them that you are thinking of them, or send them a PM. Don't think about how you could make them feel worse...just be careful not to judge. Personally, I wish more WOULD comment on my crazy thoughts. LOL
Sometimes it is hard for me to figure out what to say....when I really want to say SOMETHING.
I hope you have a peaceful day.
dear princess, you wonder if you are a good supporter. at times i think you are one of the best supporters on the site! i say this without reservation. you give good feedback princess, you are a good listener and really pay attention to what the person writes. i admire you for that. you said in your letter to the last person that you will work on believing in yourself more? i hope you do because your manner of supporting is special and i for one really value it and hold it up as a personal example. thank you for being you. all my best prayers for you my princess.
ps we all make mistakes in our supportive efforts, hopefully the person(s) here will be forgiving and realize we are only human and not professional counselors. love and prayers