I need advise on this, as I do not know what to do.
I am in an eight (8) month relationship with this woman who I love so much. I am at the stage now that I want to get engaged to her. I have the ring, and I am just waiting on the right moment to ask the question. For the past few weeks however, I have been seeing some yellow flags and even a red flag. Most of these I can live with, as they are personality quirks. And I know I am not a walk in the park either, which she has accepted to date. The red flag for me is that she is against having a child for me. She has one five-year-old little girl already, and I have welcomed and loved her just as I would have if she was my child. I do not have any kids of my own, and it concerns me that I am getting older (33 years old now) and have no one of my own to pass the little that I have worked so hard to attain off to. What matters most to her in this relationship, I understand, is that she makes herself establish so she can take care of herself and her daughter. Which to me, is a bit one-sided if your intention is to get married.
So a little about her; she is educated, has a stable job / stream of income, she is God fairing, and she is very sharp and ambitious. She also likes to sell cosmetics things on the side as a hoppy. She does not have any major assets in her name, aside from her car and she and her daughter lives in an apartment. Me, on the other hand, I have a home to myself (3-bedrooms, 2-bathrooms), I too am educated and have a stable job / stream of income, God fairing, and I am an ambitious man. I also would like to repeat, that I do not have any kids of my own or drama of that nature. Whenever she spends time at my place (which is everyday now), her little girl has one of the rooms for herself and I encouraged her to decorate it as she wishes. I have even given her a copy of the house key to come and go as they please. I pay all the bills and she only spends on certain foods because both of them are picky eaters. I make sure her car is cleaned ever week and filled with gas. We go out very frequently on dates both as a family and as partners. She also gets fresh flowers every two weeks because she likes that. I am also, actively involved in the little girl’s life (school fees, trips, kids social activities, etc.).
Having a child of my own is important to me, as I feel like all of my life’s work would be in vain if I have no one to pass it onto. I also really do love my partner and I really appreciate the value that she and her daughter have brought to my life so far. I really do see her as my long-term person, but this is unsettling. If this does not work, I don’t know what I would do. I have spent a lot of time, energies, resources, put a lot of my personal things on hold, and have been so emotionally open into this relationship, and to think I would have to do that again for another woman hurts.