All,
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I have been married for nearly 17 years and 6 years ago I learned that my husband was having internet affairs where he set up fake email accounts and was searching out women to talk to online and occassionally meet. He only did this from his work computer and never at home. He met a few women in person at lunch and kissed a few as well. He told me after being found out by one womans husband and swore he was sorry, loved me, made a mistake and wanted to work things out. We went to marriage counseling for a few months, bought a new house and tried to restart our lives. I had a great deal of difficulty trusting him and over time feel like I had become emotionally numb and fell out of love with him.
During the last 6 years I have changed jobs twice, completed a masters degree in night school and dealt with the serious illnesses of my 2 divorced parents. My father died 3 years ago and I inherited an estate so complex my lawyer said it should be a bar exam question. The estate nearly sunk my financially during the 2+ years I had to administer it and pay taxes and other bills with no income from it.
About a year ago I felt that if things in my marriage were fine now, why hadn't anything changed? I still had trust issues and upon some investigation learned that my husband had set up another fake email account as well as a myspace, facebook and several other accounts. Same story...talked onine only at work and met occassionally in person. He swears there was never any sex with any of them. I tend to beleive him mostly but am not 100% convinced. Again, he swore he was sorry, went to individual counseling for a few months and swears he loves me and doesn't want a divorce. I stayed with him up until now due to the huge financial obligations I had with the estate but now I am past that.
This year, I purchased a home for my disabled mother and fixed it up to make her more comfortable. Although I moved beyond the worst of my financial situation, having 2 mortgages and a car payment scare me. I have a good job and about 6-12 months of living expenses backing me, but it would be a lot for one person to pay on their own.
Adding to all of this is the fact that I turned 40 this year and have no children. I feel that if I divorce him, I am forever giving up my chance to have kids. If I stay married, I must settle for being unfullfilled and unhappy to some extent.
I am looking for guidance from all of your experiences on what I should do. Should I stay married and settle for less knowing I have a good lifestyle with him and he will never leave me or should I have enough self respect to divorce him and move on? I never beleived in divorce but I am not sure I'd be doing anything but setting myself up for more heartbreak if I stay with him.
Thank you all again for reviewing this long story!