I have had so many problems with friendships in the past few years. I used to just hang out with this one friend when I wanted to hang out. In a lot of ways this was a lot easier. However, I joined a young adult group at a church and from there met a lot of people through this. This was the start of many problems that occurred a couple years ago. For one after attending this group for 4 years they decided to throw us out of the college & career group because they said we were too old. Which seemed like an excuse. This was a positive group for my friends and I and it offerred a place to socialize with others and talk to people and receive their support. This was a positive in my week. However, one day the leader just decided to throw us out. Then I'd met several people through this group. However, this friend of mine had this male friend who was always helping her with everthing. So I thought it would be really nice to have this in my life. I'd met this guy friend at the YA group and even after not being allowed in the group we still hung out. Although after a few months of his funny, and friendly behavior I decided I like him and let him know this. However, I felt conflicted because he isn't a stable guy and has a 7th grade ed. So I let him know I wasn't wanting to go out with him but didn't tell him that reason. He got really mad at me and whenever I would see him he would act like a real **** playing games and running off. This would make me feel bad and lonely because I liked him even if I didn't think he would be a good person to date. I really really wanted to still hang out with him because I liked him and had so much fun with him. But rationally it didn't make sense to date him but only hang out. He would hang out sometimes but he would always start an argument about why won't I date him. In addition, he was still running off and not showing up just to be a ****. This behavior just reaffirmed that I shouldn't date him. I went through two years of trying to be just friends to him and he just kept running off or not showing up quite often because he just wanted to play games with me because I wasn't following what he wanted. Anyways after two years of him getting mad at me, not showing up or running off at times I just decided not to deal with it. However, I'm feeling angry about what a **** he was to me just because I wouldn't date him. All I was hoping for was a good male friend not even a boyfriend. However, all I got was some **** that insisted I go out with him because I'd told him that I liked him. I feel angry about his behavior towards me and even more angry that I wasn't even able to have a good male friend? Also I'm in my 30's and I haven't had any boyfriends or guy that I want to date. The entire relationship thing has been discouraging and makes me angry. Does anyone have any suggestions? Maybe a different perspective on this situation? I'm feeling very unfortunate because it just seems like nothing can go well in my life.
thats a tough situation with the friend. i think having a group that you can hang out with or support one another is important. can you still get people from the old group together once a week somewhere? to catch up, grab coffee? its not an official group but keeping people together and having a good reason to meet up will keep the friendships going. I think with the boy, he was probably very hurt and not understanding why you told him you like him but then said, nevermind i don't want to be with you. it seems like he may have feeling for you and is hurt by the fact that you like him but don't want to be with him. i understand why he is upset, it might have been easier to not tell him your feelings if you didnt want to date. have you talked to him about being friends? perhaps if you explain that you did have feelings but cherished his friendship too much to want to ruin it it might help restore your friendship? but if he is acting rude still maybe its time to move on. its not fair to you for him to be mean for such a long period of time.
Maybe try joining a group or taking classes to meet new people and groups that you can be a part of. Good luck and keep writing to let me know how things are.
It all stems from not learning how or remembering how to love oneself, which I am also strugling with. Maybe let him know you need to get right with yourself first before you can truly get that envolved with anyone. That is why you joined that group in the first place, hopefully he will understand, he joined that group for the same reason, even though he might not realize that. I pray we all learn how.
I haven't heard back from you I hope you are okay.