i am currently seperated from my wife. We have been seperated for a month now. I am all alone and having difficulty coping with it. We have 2 beautiful daughters aged 7 and 3. We are on a 3 month trial seperation, in which i would come back home. However, i am not totally sure if we are going to be intimate or just like friends. Lately she has been a real b***h, and it has pushed me away, likewise, she says i have pushed her away as well. Deep down, i want my wife and kids...its just the time away and having to cope with being alone. Any advice would help.....thank you.
Welcome to supportgroups & your not alone. Have you tried communicating your differences together calmly or are you guys just shutting eachother out & not listening to one another????? There is a reason, am sure, for you saying shes being a b---h can you try & explain further & do you think shes thinking the same of you & feeling there is no one listening/caring about her thoughts, feelings, like how you maybe feeling too????? We're here if you want to talk about it & get others point of view/opinion/thoughts. You may have a chance to piece this back together slowly.
April
Hi April…thanks for reading and responding. I realized shortly after leaving that i want my wife and family back. I have apologized to her multitudes of times, i am seeing both a psychiatrist and psycologist…i’ve been eating healthier and working out. We just don’t get along in person. Sometimes on the phone we do have a nice talk. She says i’m pushing her away by apologizing and being depressed. She has been pushing me away as well. By not being sensitive to my needs and wants. She is blunt about everything and doesn’t share deep feelings with me. She is a surface scratcher. Shes changed the last few years and not for the better in my eyes. She takes care of everything but me. We have talked about it but we always end up arguing. It hurts. I just want my family back, but if she doesn’t change as well, i know it won’t work out. i just want happiness.
Hi socalmetalhead, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . I know how it feels to feel pushed away and rejected. I am glad you are seeking professional help and are eating healthier and working out. If at some point you both should decide to get back together, then I suggest marriage counseling. Keep sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
Hi bluidkiti…very cute name!!! I attended the first psycologist session alone and my wife came to the last one and the one we have this coming friday. We did try marriage counseling earlier this year and she blew it off saying it was crap. Well now things are a little bit different and while she won’t attend every session i go to she will probably every other one or so. I just hope it works out. I have never felt so down in my life over anything. Thank you for response bluidkiti ((((hugs)))) back at ya!!! Raymond…
Thats good that you've sought other counseling & you havent really said what your sorry about. Sometimes it takes as long as it takes for the healing process to begin to take hold & for one another to understand that for eachother for the betterment of the relationship, not just changing for the others way of thinking or being, that would be very self center/self absorbed, is better for both parties to take responsibility & learn together new ways of communicating to eachother about wants & needs & family members wants & needs & form a better bond/trust/respect/compassion/love/intimacy....
Hi April, we have been married a little over 4 years. Its her 1st and my 3rd marriage. We have about a 13 year difference (i’m older) and i still act like i’m 21. The good thing is i have the looks of a twentysomething… but i haven’t really grown up yet. I’m now realizing i need to grow-up. Thats what i’m sorry for and it has taken a toll on her. She knows i’m not 100% to blame for this seperation, but i am hoping when we get back together it will be for good. I am trying to perk myself and keep busy. I’m glad i found this website…i found people who care and i highly appreciate it so much!!! I hope when i am feeling better that i will be able to give advice to others. Thank you April and i’ll talk to you soon…Raymond…
Well at least your being honest about maturity issues & thats a start (I've been married 19yrs., he's 12yrs. younger than me). It would be wonderful if both of you sought therapy/counseling together (if applicable) but if shes not ready yet then try & focus on yourself & learn, then just maybe you can show her that your someone she can respect, rely on, stand together with, & you have eachothers back, again it does not happen overnight & later on she may openly want to attend some of the sessions w/you more often & learn w/you together for the future & it takes time, patience, keep talking w/us when you want & let us know what your learning about yourself so other can read & get something to utilize in life.
April
Hi April…i have to say you have been great responding to me each time. I thank you so much for that. I am trying to keep myself busy so i don’t fall into a deep depression over everything…i went on a 9 mile bike ride the other day, i write out my feelings just about every other day, the girls @ work have been supportive of me and hope all works out. Actually she is going with me to the psyche. Our appt is this Friday and she has said she will go again…just not to each of my appointments. I am giving her space…when she misses me…she can tell me, when she wants to say i love you…she will tell me, when she wants to do something…she will let me know. I am just biding my time with sports, movies, writing, working out…and i pray each day we get back together. Thank you April…you are helping me thru this!!! Raymond
have u tried writing or typing ur feelings to her? counseling? as far as lonliness, u need to socialize and stay in touch with ur girls. and dont b afraid to talk to ur wife. be honest and patient. give urself time to process before u answer if u feel ur emotions building up. emotions are physical reactions. gather ur thoughts and and allow her to do same. always tell her u love her and that u r sorry. bad times do go away. we make them linger.
hi flowergirlh20…cool name!! I see my daughters each week and talk to them on the phone. My wife knows that i love her deeply…we are in counseling and we talk every few days. Today we were off to a rough start…but it got better tonight. I am giving her space to think about things…she has a very busy life with work and the kids and now that i’m on my own…i have all the time in the world to think about what i have done wrong…and i have already loss tons of sleep…i’m glad i found this website each response is very caring and i’m very happy for that…i don’t have too many people in my life i can open up with…i’m just happy i have this website with people who are genuine…i write my feelings in a journal i keep…i will present it to my wife if/when we get back together…it keeps me going…i do love to write…thank you for your kind words…i am absorbing each and every response like a sponge so i can have a better understanding of whats happening to me…i do feel i learn more with each passing day…Raymond…
Good idea flowergirl, how about that Raymond, handing over some of your thoughts (note I said SOME) & its just MY point view, I keep my personal life private otherwise it could snowball at a point in reference to work, I've seen so many times people want to be heard/uplifted/someone to vent to & then they get WAY to MUCH information, opinions & then start to feel overwhelmed & confused even though they started the circle, just food for thought....
Take care, April
Hi April…though its only been a few days…i look forward to reading a response from you each night…you have been there for me since the beginning…wow…sounds like i’ve known you for years…LOL…i get on highs and lows…just like my wife and i did…good for a few weeks and than back to crap again…i’m sure you read the other response i gave to flowergirlh2o…so i don’t need to duplicate…i am just so comfortable writing out how i feel and whats going on and having someone i do not know respond and its caring and genuine. Makes me feel good inside and if/when my roller coaster ride comes to an end i can offer kind words to others…april, you rock and right now is the best i’ve felt in days… take care, Raymond…
Anything that helps you feel better keep doing it, thats what its all about for all here to read others point of view or experiences in life & other options for finding answers to some of the relationship/life questions. I must say though that sometimes people arent willing to go back in their past to learn why they keep making the same mistakes & surround themselves w/certain types of people & wonder WHY, that took me the past 5-6yrs. to learn for myself & thats why I'm pretty much in different areas of this site, alot of denial going on at times & it just will keep taking some into a circle instead of looking within, there ARE reasons.......
You my friend make me feel better too, its a pleasure talking w/you & keep learning/venting/posting.
April
Hi April…i plan on being on here everyday till my situation gets resolved…and even after that share my personal experience and hope to help others…i definitely have realized what i have done wrong and what i need to do to fix it…right now there is nothing more important then getting my family back…i know it will take some time to resolve everything…i’m just trying to take each day at a time…we have an appt tomorrow night with the psyche…i am in good spirits we will make good progress tomorrow night…just have to wait and see…and of course a new posting afterwards when she leaves…April…you rock and i am hear for you as well for anything…glad i am helping you too!!! Raymond…
socalmetalhead - I am just starting what you are going through, i dont know how to make it... I've been with him 10 years, Hes all i know. One day he said he wasnt happy... Came to a shock to me. We didnt see each other for a month, it was ruff but i did it. We hardly talked on the phone. After a month i went and seen him, we slept together and the next day he said it was a mistake... A week went by, i went on a date. Thought about him the whole time, and called him. He had told me that he was misrable without and and that all he thinks about is me... It gave me hope, i went over to comfort him, stayed the night sunday monday and tuesday, i tryed not to let my emotions get in the way, i was strong didnt let him know i wanted this forever. After the first time we slept togther i started seeing things i didnt before, we were not happy in the end we used to be best friends and we were not friends at all in the end. He didnt want to see this happen to us so it did to us as a favor. So anyhow, i stayed Sunday monday and tuesday, He text me Wednesday and Thurday (First i didnt) He stayed with me Friday Saturday and Sunday, tonday is monday and he left for work this morning gave me a kiss and went... My emotions slipped out and i texted him and asked him what was going on?!? He said he didnt want to be with me... WTF!!!!!!!!!! I just want to die sometimes...
Hey Desi1435…i tell ya…(april too…did you forget about me??) Its been about 5 weeks now…and its been a roller coaster ride…ups and downs…kinda on the upside right now…we are going to hawaii for 9 days next week…i have never been and i am looking for it… however the in-laws will be there as well…anyways i am seeing both a shink and a psyche for anti-depressants… and my wife comes to the shrink appts every so often… she flat out told me…dont think we are going to be romantic and all…we are still seperated…ok that deflated everything…and i didn’t make any mention of romance…it sucked…if i didnt go…i had plans to go to vegas for about a week…but during this last week we kinda got a little closer and for the first time in a while…she told me first she loved me and texted it to me as well…however…i haven’t been with her in a while and it is killing me…we were told by the shrink no physical contact except for a hug…thats it…it really sucks…i mean i know i am going back for good in a few months…but still…i feel i am falling in love again with my wife…i still have a grand finale planned before i move back…but back to you…it is really crappy you are going thru this…10 years is a long time. But it sounds like being more than friends kinda killed everything…but still 10 years??? that is mindblowing…he has issues…but if you believe in what you want…don’t stop the pursuit…some time away is a good start…let him call you…dont call or txt him…i have to do that…it is hard…but i need to know my wife needs/wants me…the ball is in her court regarding everything…while i have changed and i am continuing to make changes to be a better husband/father, she needs to make changes as well…keep yourself busy doing other things…if you have a hobby…get into it more, do whatever to take your mind off of things…let him call you first…he may realize he has f***ed up and will comeback to you…you had said you wanted him forever…it takes time…be patient and rock on…keep me updated…take care, Raymond…
Desi, welcome to Support Groups. Its a pattern, this IS not about YOU, its about HIM, do not let HIM choose what YOU want in life, DO that for yourself & its hard but dont accept anymore crumbs from this person, if you do the answer lies within you as to WHY you would accept this type of treatment from anyone, dont be a booty call. We're here when you want to talk, alot of us have been there & have learned & have experience to offer others if they are willing to listen IF they want more in a relationship & if not then.....
Take care of you.
April
Thanks guys, I have kept my distance... Today at least, i didnt call or text him. What I want in life is him, Maybe its because im scared to be without him. I've alwasy been very independent! I love him and i can't see my life without him. This is the thing, i want to get married and have kids, hes not ready?!? TEN years and your not ready i should tell him to eat rocks! I dont though... I dont know what to do... I start nursing school in 2 weeks which im excited for, that will take my mind off things. Also i have been working out... Its just hard. I have lived with him for 7 years now i live alone in this new strange apt... I wake up scared go to bed scared and lonly... I dunno...
Desi, know you dont want to here this, he gave you the answer.
My now 26yr. old son started dating a wonderful, smart girl in high school, they dated for 8yrs., she came to me one day & told me if my son doesnt marry her soon shes giving him an ultimatum (basically **** or get off the pot) I said "I agree", 8 yrs. IS way MORE than enough time, they were married in the next 2mos. & I now have a beautiful 10mo. old grandson. Please stop giving yourself away, people do this all the time & then wonder what happened, think it through.
Raymond, am glad your at least having contact w/your wife & eager to learn about eachother & being together, for what your doing IS going to take you through a wonderful relationship as you 2 keep trying to manage the obstacles you'll face along the way, but you'll be better prepared in the long run, I really admire you & what your doing.....hope others will listen.
Talk to you later & take care of you.
April