For the last week almost everything that I've eaten I have purged. So today was the first day in a while that I kept down most of my food. That was the good part, the bad part was that I did still purged my lunch, but I also binged tonight without getting rid of it. It took a lot of willpower not to purge it, but I still felt bad for binging in the first place.
It seems no matter what I do, I feel guilty about it. If I don't eat, I feel bad because I know I should, if I do binge/purge, I feel guilty for putting my body through that.
Anyways, I guess I'm just disappointed in myself for not being able to go a whole day without purging my food. I thought I had it in me to at least manage that. Oh well, I guess that will be my goal for tomorrow, hopefully I can manage it.
What do you guys to when you have setbacks?
I understand the guilt that you are feeling. Its like you are stuck between the ED and being healthy so if you eat you feel guilty and if you starve or purge you feel guilty. Unfortunately its just one of the confusing aspects of recovery. I bet most, if not all of us in this group understand.
Don't be disappointed that you were not able to go a whole day with out purging. Be proud for what you were able to do! Its great that you were able to keep down at least most of your food today. That is an accomplishment, and you are right! Tomorrow try for the whole day. Its all about the small steps.
When I have setbacks I remind myself why I am trying to recover. What my goal is and why I don't want to hold onto my ED any longer. And everyone has set backs, but everyday is a clean slate so you can restart tomorrow. You just have to keep going forward. And a positive outlook helps.
Dont be disappointed. We all have to go through this and understand what you are going through. The fact that you didn't purge everything today is a big accomplishment. I mean it takes alot to go through having an eating disorder. All you can do is take it one day at a time. If you think about it there may be times you relapse ever after getting this undercontrol. That doesn't mean you start from square one. You made a big accomplishment today and should be proud of yourself. I know what you mean when you say guilty though. Having an eating disorder myself, it feels like everything I do no matter what I feel some guilt. It sucks but I know one day all of us will make it through this. If you need to talk one on one message me. Good luck
Every day is a new opportunity! It's difficult to break out of the "all or nothing" thinking, but so important to do so! So, you had a bad day. Or week. Or whatever... But you're sooo right when you say that today will be better! ♥ In fact, every meal is an opportunity to start over! Maybe you need to think in terms of smaller goals for a while. Nothing at all wrong with that. ♥
I also had a setback today. I was meant to go to find a Dr to resgister with and tell him or her about my eating disorder so I could find some options in my area. Instead of doing this, I limited my food even more, walked more than I've ever walked before and told myself all day that I don't have a problem, even though it's been the only **** thing on my mind.
I suppose that the best way to deal with these difficult days is to see them for what they are...just a day. I know that my state/condition/frame of mind is evolving and ever-changing so even if I have a bad day (which I have stupidly told myself was a 'good day'), the next day definitely doesn't need to follow in the same way. I suppose what we need to do is keep trying.
Thanks for the advice, I guess I knew it already, but I just needed to hear it again. I know that everyone has setbacks, and you just need to pick yourself back up and try again. Of course that is much easier said then done! So today, I'm taking even smaller steps, and going one meal at a time, so far, so good.
Mangoblue,
What I read are the words of someone who is honestly trying her best, someone able to recognize the value of baby steps.
Knowing that doing better is okay, perfection is boring and never illusive. I too am one of the seemingly stuck sisters. I have had wonderful long term recovery from bulimia, but am currently seeking those first days of purge free living. Two days ago I had a free day, it felt good, and even though yesterday was a let down, I know I can and will be free.
We all need to keep getting back up, I wish there was one magic path, but we all get to find our own, meanwhile it is a gift to have this free area to respond.
Love and light your way.
Patsy
I'm in the same boat with hardly going a full day without b/p. Its almost like a given. At work I'll think of how quickly I can make it home so I can binge on anything in front of me and then vomit. It's taken a huge toll on my energy.
I hope you do better over the next few days. I am trying my hardest as well. I wish I could pinpoint how and why I started this stupid habit?!?
Hi All,
I've never had the oppurtunity to join a support group. I've struggled with bulimia for almost 5years now and Im scared cuz its taking over my life. I really have no idea where to start but I hope this will help