On working on certain issues with myself in regard to my ED, guilt has been a major feature for me in many areas of my life especially in regard to dating...I find myself getting bombaraded with phone calls and messages and even though in my head I am thinking - "God I would love for him to slow down, and give my head space" I never say anything out of "guilt".
The fear I would hurt his feelings, but where are my feelings laid then? In fact every relationship I have entered I have worried more about their feelings than I have cared for my own.
"Oh i have to text back" "Oh i can't say I can't go"...when you're trying to work a relationship out of guilt, where is the "want". It makes my head spin, because I am actually trying to put myself in the other person's shoes and imagine what they are feeling.
And then when they leave, I actually absorb it all, and ask, what did I do, to make them treat me like that?
I am slowly working through this, and it is an extremely difficult habit to get out of but I realise I can only have my only have my own feelings as they only have theirs.
And the next time I enter a relationship it will be to my pace and it will be equal terms.
Moongal, that's a great new outlook. It is all about setting the pace so that it's comfortable for you. There are times when we need to focus on ourselves and our needs. Each time I have a tough experience with dating, I try not to let it get me down, but rather pep me up in that I learned something new....something that I would never repeat again.
I know that you will find so much happiness in love and when you do it will go at a pace that works for you, and he will love and respect you and take it as slowly or quickly as you would like.
You have to put yourself first. I know exactly what you are talking about. Its one thing to meet someone half way in a relationship and its another to have it consume you.
The whole reason for the relationship in the first place is to feel happy and fullfilled with that person, not to feel guilty because you want to please them above all.
Now its your time to do what you want to do, at the pace you want to do it at.
Hey guys,
Ya i think from the start off it's going to be turtle moves for me and if he wants to stay with me then it's going to have to be the same for him.
I would much prefer a relationship that starts off very much more friendship based and not this "zoom" where expectations run high and then as soon as you get into their groove everything is dashed and you are left going "huh?".
I think that's why I've been avoiding them to find my own solid ground and find my space first, once I am there.
That's such a great way to go Moongal and I am right there with you. Starting off as friends is really the way to go. I am actually going to be seeing my friend of many years soon and we've talked about a potentially romantic relationship. We live quite far from one another, but I am a total romantic at heart and will be super open minded. That would be a dream....friends for many years and then boom...romance!
By starting off as friends, you really truly get to know every aspect of the person and they get to know you really well. This way you see how compatible you are on every level. And you also build a sense of trust, which I have with my friend. I trust him above and beyond all of my other friends. I know that he would do anything for me and I for him. He's been there for me through thick and thin.